Deep Breath Nate....How do you do it? Come Out?

Question

Recently I have been taking a look at my life. And I have come to the conclusion that I have been fooling myself and my friends and family. It all started when my relationship with my GF started to turn into a friendship...Not Romantic one. I honestly enjoy spending time with my friend/Roommate Mike who is gay. I am nervous here..bear with me. I honestly enjoy spending time with him alone...whether its to watch a movie, or just hang out. I have these feelings that I haven't been able to explain until now.

If you read my Q's and A's. I have been very supportive of Gays and Lesbians. Probably, because I feel that I am one of you.

The hard part is...Now what? I have spent the past several weeks, Trying to come to terms.

Help! What is next for me?

I have always suppressed feelings for men, simply because I felt that I was supposed to.

Answer 1

I figured you were gay a couple of days ago. You know it is perfectly natural to be nervous and scared. Just like you said take a deep breath and push forward.

It is time to talk to your roommate he can give you alot of advice.

Answer 2

You were kind of vague on the question but here goes.

I just had the same problem of coming out to three of my friends. I say tell friends before parents but thats up to you. Kind of start a vague conversation about how they feel about gay people that in no way indicates you are gay. If they overall don't mind gay people, come out slowly, sort of beat around the bush until they understand what you are saying. Make sure they don't go blurting it to everyone they know. It can be a bad thing if another friend finds out through the friend you told and not from you. Best off wishes!

Answer 3

Hi, Nate.

I have to ask: Are you sure you're gay?

So your relationship with your girlfriend sputtered out, and you like spending time with your gay roommate. And, yes, you've been very supportive of us on here, but none of this necessarily amounts to you being gay.

It's the persistent sexual, romantic attraction to members of one's own gender that defines being gay. So, even if you have a crush on Mike, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're gay. And if you were gay, you'd probably be able to connect the dots from way back and realize that it began long before your relationship with your girlfriend started to cool.

I'm not trying to convince you one way or the other. I just want to make sure you've really thought through this before you come out, because it's a huge step. And I don't want you to say something you'll recant later, because that just makes everyone look bad.

As for what comes next, that's completely up to you. Perhaps coming out online is good enough for now. Maybe you'd like to come out to Mike, too, or some other friend(s)? Maybe you should let your folks know, too, once you've had a chance to catch your breath and you feel they might be ready to hear it.

Be glad that you already have a gay friend to help you out. You're lucky to not have to go through it on your own. (And he can go shopping with you besides.)

Good luck!

Answer 4

Well first you're not necessarily gay. You admit to liking a man, and you admit to having a GF. If you're still attracted to women then you are bisexual, that's it.

But even if you're gay, it's not a big deal.

You need to take some time to reflect some more, and figure out for yourself where you fit into the sexual orientation spectrum. Then you need to figure out how to proceed.

If you're bisexual you'll also have to consider if your relationship is dead and so you're attaching yourself emotionally to someone else, and if you should end your relationship and try a new one. If you're gay then it's just best to break it off with your gf.

So now, my advice is, know yourself, the rest is just a matter of being honest.

Answer 5

Before you do anything else, the best advice I can offer is to explore this aspect of yourself. Since you've spent a lot of time and energy suppressing your feelings, you should allow them to surface. As you gain a better understanding of your feelings, it should be easier to see how they fit in to your personality. Exploration of this aspect of yourself might even answer questions that now seem totally unrelated.

Once you feel that you've actually come to terms with your feelings, you'll have much firmer ground to stand on if you decide to tell anyone.

Answer 6

Nate, have you told this to your friend/roommate Mike, yet?

Perhaps if you came out - at least to him since you are somewhat comfortable with him, he may be able to help you a bit with coming to terms with your feelings.

I am not talking about the sex part but more of the desire and emotional part. But if sexual activity with a guy does come along and you are comfortable with it then so much the better for you.

Take your time, coming out should be at your own pace and your own terms. Don't be afraid to seek out others to provide support but try it with "real" people more than with us online. Online advice is good but "face to face" is better.

Answer 7

You are already taking the right steps. Don't move too fast. TALK to your roommate. Don't try to push anything sexual. It is more important that you find someone that you can communicate with and express your feelings about coming out. Ask his advice about how he did it (if he did). Once your are comfortable head to your local GLBT Center. There should be groups for men who are just coming to terms with theri sexuality. Just take it slow and relax.

Answer 8

Yes, deep breathing before you do it helps almost every time. You have crossed one barrier at least, that is question your own feelings. Do as they guide you. Coming out is very liberating, just keep that in mind, and the moment you do it, you will feel much better about yourself. Do not worry about opposition, once you do it, at least you will have one less burden to carry on your shoulders.

Answer 9

When the time is right, move in for a kiss if you dont feel like telling him you like him. Show him, its easier than words for guy that is coming out. This is what you do, you bring your face closer to him and if his eyes look "kind", put your arm/s around him and bring him close. And he'll get the picture, put his arm around you and kiss you.

Answer 10

You dont have to feel like you have to be "labeled." Just talk to your roomie and if you do like him, make a move on him and he will know what you are....no explainations needed. Trust me, in today's society, you dont have to explain yourself to anyone. It is not an excute to be who you are. We are who we are and just go with the flow. Life is too short, enjoy!