I have had a bad feeling about my fiance Dan. I just can't say that I trust him. Something in me just keeps nagging on, I don't know what to think. It is really hard to just say "it's over", there is a little boy involved. I don't know if he is cheating, but, he is acting totally different than the Dan i used to know. Help me out.
2007-07-03 08:28:18 · 49 answers · asked by Skwerl (loves u) 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Doesn't he do internet porn?
2007-07-03 08:30:27 · answer #1 · answered by hardcoredlw 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Aw, how sad. I know that you feel hurt right now, but before you jump to conclusions you need to figure out what is making you suspicious. There must be some tangible reason you feel this way. What has happened for you to lose trust in him? Just because he is different does not mean he is cheating. There could be other underlying problems he is dealing with. I understand your concerns regarding the boy, but remember it is not healthy for him to see and experience a dysfunctional relationship. That could be far more devastating than splitting up. Living in a dysfunctional home can leave very deep wounds and also lead him to believe that this is the way all relationships are! My father cheated on my Mom, as a matter of fact when I was 14 my best friend was sleeping over and woke me up around 3AM to ask me why he was pushing the car out of the driveway and starting it up in the street to drive off!!! As a young impressionable teen the realization as to what was going on was DEVASTATING and horribly painful for me!!! This also affected my own relationships for many years to follow! So maybe the best thing to do would be to try discussing (not accusing) your concerns with him. I also feel that before you two do marry that some counseling may be in order. This will not only help you to understand whatever the problem is, but will also help you two learn to have a closer and more open relationship with each other. As with any relationship these issues must be resolved before you tie the knot. A marriage without trust will NOT work and in fact is not a marriage at all.I truly hope that all works out for you, my prayers are with you all! Good luck and God bless!!!
2007-07-03 08:50:38 · answer #2 · answered by Tere S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him!
Relationships are built on trust and I guess you don't have a relationship because you don't trust him or you wouldn't be asking this question.
I stayed in a marriage for 21 years and the last 10 years I kept finding out about an affair. Let me tell you something: Men don't cheat because they don't like YOU it is because they don't like themselves and are seeking reassurance from a woman and that is totally stupid because only when you're happy in and with yourself are you able to share yourself with someone else. It's the thrill, the adrenaline rush, but you can't live your whole life on a rush like that - you'd die of heart failure!
He needs to come clean with you and although there is a child involved, this is your relationship and if you end up without Dan there's going to be a sincere honest guy out there for you, who'll never let you think for a second that you should have doubts about him. Someone who is your best friend and whom you can talk the most trivial or the most important things to, not someone you doubt. Someone incidentally who will actually care for you AND YOUR CHILD just remember if he's cheating he's doing it to your child too, not just you. And he's hurting all your family members by hurting you two. Don't hang onto this guy for security. What security is there when you think about it? Sitting around wondering if he's screwing around? And just think....whomever he is with is not going to feel safe with him if he could do that to you?
It's hard being alone, but work on yourself and your self esteem and give all your love to your child who deserves it. Go get a new hairdo, buy a couple of outfits and change the locks.
2007-07-03 08:39:48 · answer #3 · answered by sleepyhollow50 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't know then how could we? If you are asking if it's possible? Yes, it is. If you don't trust this guy as you have said, your getting married is a mistake. A little boy will handle a change better than an adolescent or a teen for that matter. More action is required on your part. I would start by confronting Dan and going from there. Good luck and I hope you are mistaken.
2007-07-03 08:35:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is going to sound retarded, but usually a gut feeling about something like that is trying to tell you something. First, you need to ask yourself why you don't trust him. What is he doing to cause you to suspect he is cheating? If you have some justifiable proof or evidence, then try talking to him (for the sake of the child involved.) Just remember though, if you can't trust a person, you'll never be able to trust that person, and it will inevitably fail in the long run.
2007-07-03 08:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's really hard to answer that question with the little bit of info you have given us. I know a lot of people always say to go with your gut on situations like this, but maybe there is another reason that he has changed. The most important thing for you to do is talk to him about it. You are about to make a lifelong commitment to this man and if you are having doubts about it now is the time to figure it all out.
2007-07-03 08:32:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is acting different and you really feel deep down that you can't trust him; then unfortunately you are probably right. Maybe it would be best to get pre-marital counseling to sort things out, and maybe postpone the wedding until you are able to trust him. A marriage without trust won't work, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved to go through with it just because you have a child involved. Good luck.
2007-07-03 08:32:06 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you really want to get married to someone you don't trust? Trust is very important in a relationship and if you don't trust the other person all you are doing is wasting your time and eventually hurting your little boy in the long run when he struggles with thinking that the reason mommy and daddy didn't stay married is because of him. It's very important that when you marry someone it is because of love and trust not just because there is a child involved. They are ones punished in the end.
2007-07-03 08:35:54 · answer #8 · answered by accebermn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take your time to settle your mind. Do not run into marriage. Remember that marriage is on of the most (if not the most) important decision in your life.
Trust is a fundamental part of marriage. Work on your trust towards Dan. If you do not trust him, marriage will be hell.
Take your time and work on your trust.
Good Luck
2007-07-03 08:35:00 · answer #9 · answered by azulladosiempre 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One piece of advice that I always thought was a good way to think of your instincts: Always trust those little hairs on the back of your neck.
If something in your gut is telling you there's something wrong, figure it out before you commit. He can always stay in the little boy's life, or you can stay in it, if you both keep the boy's best interests at heart.
2007-07-03 08:33:14 · answer #10 · answered by C Dixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how he is acting different. It might be a lot of things. Is he staying out late or being very distant from you and the boy? There has to be more info, but most of the time your gut feeling is right. It is really hard to leave someone when you have a child involved or not. Sometimes it takes longer to get to that point of leaving.
2007-07-03 08:32:08 · answer #11 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋