Im with a man who is married, separated, but still married. He has 3 kids with his wife, who he was with for 7 yrs.. I am now just 2 mos. preg, and he is hoping ill have an abortion. He is in the military and would face steep consequences if he were to be caught in an affair. I do believe he is in love with me, and we are young. I am 21 and he is 24. What do I do?
2007-07-03 08:00:57 · 33 answers · asked by justme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, no excuses....but he and the wife are living in diferent states.... SEPARATED. And, all of that was in place before we met. I am not the reason for their rocky marriage.
2007-07-03 08:36:30 · update #1
It is sad how one bad decision in our lives can affect many more of our days and others days too.
You can not go back and change what has already been done. There is no "fixing" it.
But, you can start fresh today. . . .deal with the situation you are in.
Abortion is serious and you can't take it back. You are only 21 and I would about lay money on the fact that an abortion will affect your happiness in days to come.
Deal with today. . .one day at a time. . .and I hope you do the right thing for you and your baby. I also hope that you learn from this and rise above it. Don't ever be someone's "seconds" and don't ever let anyone push you into doing something you don't want to do, that is not love in any form.
We all make mistakes. . . .learn from them. . .and rise above them.
2007-07-03 08:50:07 · answer #1 · answered by sparkles9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really don't know how to answer this. I recommend talking to him about this baby situation as it is very serious. I don't want to pass judgement, but there is no way I would have gotten involved with a married man even if he claimed to be separated. In my opinion, separation is like a cooling off period and reconciliation may be iminent. What makes you think he is in love with you? He wants you to have an abortion! Also, the abortion will sever all ties with you, and he can happily resume his life with his wife. obviously he is concerned about his relationship with his wife and family, not just the military. I believe he is more worried about his wife than anything. DO NOT get an abortion. He did the crime now he must do the time, if that involves consequences from the military as well then so be it. But I can almost guarantee its not about the military. Good luck.
2007-07-03 08:16:10 · answer #2 · answered by lwomar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have thought of the consequences before he had the affair with you. I do not believe in abortion. You can either keep the baby and raise it, or you could give it up for adoption. A baby is a human being, not like a "going steady" ring that you can give back when the affair is over. Have either of you considered that he could get a divorce? You did not have to get pregnant either. There are many methods of birth control. You and he are both irresponsible. More like 14 than 24.
2007-07-03 08:13:09 · answer #3 · answered by crazywoman88 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End the affair as he will not leave his wife and three children. I don't care what he tells you. If you want to keep the baby, don't expect anything or any support from him, just end the relationship and move on. If you have parents, move in with them and ask for their help. You are too young to saddle yourself in an affair with a married man, because that separated BS is what he tells you to keep the affair going. Tell him about you are keeping the baby, and are moving back with your parents if you live alone. You need family support now and to be rid of this guy. Do you want to be responsible for breaking up a marriage with 3 kids involved? It is time to move on.
2007-07-04 10:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can be so cruel. We are our own worst critics. I say back off. I also became pregnant when I was young, 20. I will not recommend abortion. For myself, I was against adoption also. I was taught family was the most important thing in the world. I hope everything works out for you. If you want to keep the child it is still possible to get an education. There are grants if you cannot afford tuition and books. Look for support groups in your area especially ones for single mothers. Know you are not the only one out there who has made this same mistake. Make sure you love this man and it is not just lust and if he wants to move on make sure you get closure or it will haunt you for a long time. Trust me, I'm there. I hope I have been helpful.
2007-07-03 17:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by mustang 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do what you heart tells you. Dealing with the consequences of abortion is not easy. You should not have been having an affair with a married man in the first place. Now you have a decision to make. I wish you the best of luck!
2007-07-03 08:28:04 · answer #6 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first question is do you want to have the baby? He's wanting you to abort the child, that's not the actions of someone who's in love with you. He's interested in saving his behind from punishment from the military. If you want to have the baby or not is your decision. Just be aware of the pros and cons of either decision. And as for this man, he's still married so it was a mistake getting with him while he's still married to his wife. I'd seperate myself from that situation. It'll lead to nothing but more trouble.
2007-07-03 08:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this correct? Although married, yet separated, he wants you to have an abortion b/c he will be caught in an AFFAIR if you don't? And you actually think he loves you?
Take off the rose colored glasses, PLEASE! I don't mean to sound so cruel, but does any of that make sense? Do you and your child a favor and move on. Find someone who's going to love you and your child and not be ashamed of their "mistake" (b/c that's what he's going to tell his WIFE).
2007-07-03 08:11:23 · answer #8 · answered by King H 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy you opened up yourself a can of worms here, you are bound to get some pretty nasty comments about sleeping with a married man, getting pregnant out of wedlock, once a cheater always a cheater...etc. So I'll spare you those comments. My answer is abortion is murder. But it's your body. If you want to keep the child then be prepared to face the reality that you may raise it alone. He may bail on you, you can make him pay support but you can't make him take part in the child's life. Good luck.
2007-07-03 08:09:31 · answer #9 · answered by Brandy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everything you say here is about what he wants. Nowhere do you say what you want. Take him out of the equation. What do you want. Do you want a child to grow up without a father? Do you want to find another man who will commit himself to raising another man's child? These are all hard decisions and Yahoo Answers is a terrible place to get the advice you need. Perhaps you should talk to your parents as the child will be their grandchild. I am not a proponent of abortion but raising a child is tough.
I hope in the future you will insist the man wears a condom. If he doesn't want to, kick his a** to the curb.
Email me if you would like to talk as you figure out what is right for you.
2007-07-03 08:30:16 · answer #10 · answered by Bill G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋