ok so im 25 married and pregnant with my first child. my sister is 17 and also pregnant. My mother and my sister want her to move in with me and my husband so i can help her raise her baby and so that she can still have some time to hang out with her friends. My sister has also asked for the master bed room with the bathroom of it because her and her baby will be sharing a room. Me or my husband dont want this how and i supposed to know how to take of her baby if im a first time mother. my mom thinks ill be a good influence of her because i was a virgin until my wedding night i have a very good marriage and out money is stable and more. i really dont want this am i being selfish by saying no should i just let her move in and have the master bed room?
2007-07-03 07:15:27 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sounds like your mother is passing the buck. Your only job to her child is aunt. You need to enjoy your marriage, your pregnancy and your little one. Who in their right mind would expect you to invite your pregnant 17 year old sister to live with you if she already has a place to stay? No, you're not being selfish. Because personally, I don't see how you'd be a good influence on her at that age. If she's already decided to have sex, and they just want to use you as a babysitter, then your sister isn't trying to look up to you....she's trying to manipulate you. Have a backbone and tell them NO!!!
2007-07-03 07:20:49 · answer #1 · answered by bernie2u4 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your being unfair. Just because you did the proper thing and waited until you were married before you got pregnant doesn't make you accountable for your sister, her baby, or anyone else except for your little family.
She chose to have sex, knowing the possible consequences and now doesn't want to take responsibility but "hang out" with her friends instead? Sounds like your mum and sister both are using you to cop out of their responsibilities. Where is the baby's dad?
You have your own marriage and life to worry about. I would refuse to let her move in. If nothing else I would refuse to give her the master bedroom since (I'm assuming) your husband and you already sleep in there. That would be inconveniencing you.
You are a first time mom, so you already have your hands full. So it's like trying to take care of (close to) twins. It's not your fault or responsibility. You didn't get her pregnant nor chose for her to get pregnant.
I wouldn't let her move in. Its time for her to grow up, get a job, stop worrrying about hanging out with her friends, be a mom and face the conquences. Besides at 17, she should have known better. In a while she'll be 18 and can (legally) support herself and her baby.
If you do let her move in, dont let her have the master bedroom, make her get a job, go to school (if she hasn't graduated) make her pay for her baby stuff, pay for you babysitting her baby (like she would have to a regular person), be home at a certain time, and enforce your rules. I would also ask your mom for money to feed and clothe her. Even if you are finanically stable adding three (your baby, her, and her baby) more people is strecting it further.
If she or you mom doesn't like it, make it clear that this is your house, your family and your life.
2007-07-03 20:30:47 · answer #2 · answered by ♥Ani♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish. It is not your job to help raise her baby so she can hang out with her friends. That is the MOST ridiculous thing I have ever heard. She's 17 and pregnant. Play time with her friends is not a priority. What is a priority is learning how to be self sufficient so she can raise her own child.
This is your first child with your husband. It is important for the three of you to have some alone so you can all bond as a family. I would say no to letting your sister move in.
2007-07-03 07:25:53 · answer #3 · answered by mrspoppy1004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being selfish. Your sister made the choice to have sex and got pregnant, now she's making the choice to keep the baby and she should be the one to raise it. You and your husband need time to get used to being a family of three and having your sister and her baby living with you is not going to be good for you and your new family. You should simply tell your mother and sister that she is not moving in with you and that its not fair to put that burden on your shoulders. They will be mad at first but at least you and your husband will be able to bond with your baby without the stress of having to help with another.
If you do let your sister move in, do not let her take the master bedroom. Believe me when a babu is born you will need the room to relax and have time for you and your husband. Your sister sharing a room with the baby should have nothing to do with her getting the biggest room in the house.
2007-07-03 07:23:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your house. Your mother and sister are just asking WAY too much of any reasonable human being. Basically, what they are saying is that you played by the rules and even though you now are going to have a baby, the fact that your sister fooled around and got pregnant entitles her to YOUR house, YOUR bedroom that YOU share with YOUR husband, your money, YOUR support, and YOU are suppose to take care of HER baby so she can go out and play and maybe make another baby for YOU to raise. I'm sorry, but you just can't do that. It's not the right thing for you to do. I could maybe see letting her live with you and help share the baby raising duties(both ways she helps with yours and you help with hers)but to ask you to give up the master bedroom of your house that's just showing a lack of respect and an entitlement issue. That's probably why she's in that situation to start with.
2007-07-03 07:22:55 · answer #5 · answered by Heavenly Advocate 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not being unfair. Why should you have to take on the responsibility of your sister and her baby? Why can't she keep living with your mom and your mom can be the one to help her out? It's really unfair to you and your husband to expect this of you. But if she must live at your house, she shouldn't be picking out the room and making requests...that's a little too much. You can still be the good influence without having her live there with you. Talk to your mom & good luck...I hope you and your husband are able to fully enjoy your first child and the whole experience without this getting in the way too much!
2007-07-03 08:37:46 · answer #6 · answered by Miss K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mom should be the one to help raise her baby. She was born to your mother not you. You have a life of your own, a husband and a baby to take care of. Don't let them talk you into letting her move in with you. She has some cheek asking for your master bedroom! Your sister is her own person and she chose to get pregnant, that's not your problem dear. Where is the guy who knocked her up?!? He should be looking after her not you. Good Luck!
2007-07-03 07:33:40 · answer #7 · answered by curious_boricua_soul 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is your chance to help your sister do some much needed growing up. The fact of the matter is: she cannot be rescued from her problems for the rest of her life. This doesn't mean that you can't help her out by allowing her to live with you - if that is what you want. But it does mean that you can set a good example for her - allow her to see what it is to be a responsible adult. You can also set some ground rules - if she breaks the rules, then bring on the consequences. Also might be a good idea to set an end date - like when your sister's baby is one year old, she has to move out and find her own place.
2007-07-03 07:26:39 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being selfish, I became a mother at the age of 17 yrs old too. She is your sister, not your child, she needs 2 grow up, shes the one that spread her legs and got herself pregnant, you didnt do it for her. Your also going to be a mother and have a child of your own that you and your husband have to worry about. Just tell your mom and sister "I'm sorry, I need the extra space for my baby, i just can't help her right now" or something simular. I am 20 yrs old and my daughter is 2 yrs old now and i live with my mom for now but i'm in the middle of getting my life together so i can take better care of my daughter and get a place of my own. Good Luck & Congradulations!
2007-07-03 07:23:19 · answer #9 · answered by tommi_ghurl_2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish! You will be busy enough caring for your new baby, and enjoying being a first time mother. It sounds like your mom is being unfair expecting you to do this if you do not want to.
Your sister does not need to live with you in order for you to be a good influence on her. Offer to help her out in other ways, like having her over several times a week for dinner /playdates, and babysitting for her child on occasion, if you're up for taking care of two babies.
Your sister is still only 17, and it is your parent's responsibilty to assure that she and her child are cared for, not yours. You have a responcibility to your own child right now, and need to do whatever is in his/her best interest. It would not be good for the baby to be brought into a stressful, unhappy family situation.
2007-07-03 07:25:38 · answer #10 · answered by Angela R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋