How do you turn off love?

Question

My ex was able to. He moved on from a 28 year relationship when he fell in love with somebody else. He turned stoned cold to me the day he told me he was leaving. And to this day he remains stone cold with no sign of the love he had for me. I look into his eyes and it's gone. For those of you who have been able to do this, how did you? It's been a year for me and the love is still there deep in my heart. And it causes me nothing but pain now.

Answer 1

First, you have to stop feeling like a victim. That sucks the life and motivation out of you. You have to want to get past this. Get good and mad. How dare he? Get determined to move on - HE will NOT ruin the rest of your life. You need to get busy. You'll need lots of physical and mental energy to move on. Pamper yourself. Make sure you're eating properly and getting some exercise. Meditate. Draw on the reserves deep down inside you know you have.

Make a picture in your mind the way you'd be if you were over him. How do you look? What kind of job do you have? What hobbies do you enjoy? Who are your friends? Picture this new you every day. Start to create her. Change your hairstyle. Change your clothes. Change your job, your residence. Make new friends. Try a new hobby. Go back to school. Volunteer. And everytime you think of him, push the thought away and take on even more.

After awhile, you don't have to make such an effort to stop thinking about him - you're too busy. And you're enjoying yourself, even though you had to force yourself to do all these things. And you'll look great, feel great, and will will have a ton of new experiences. When you're ready, you'll attract someone else because you'll be so confident and happy that you'll naturally draw people to you. You can do it!

Answer 2

I really don't think you turn love off, unless there was no love there to begin with.

I think your ex is doing a very good job of hiding his true feelings. You don't just one day turn completely cold toward someone.

If there was real love, there is still some of it still in his heart. And I guarantee you it probably tears him apart to keep it hidden the way he does.

It seems so silly that people do this.

I hope that you're able to move past what he did to you and learn to love someone else. It's ok though if you keep even just a small amount of love for him. You don't need to get rid of it to move on.

Answer 3

It doesn't work that way. People do things to lower their partner's interest in them: they become doormats, or they become overly controlling, or they lack self-control, or they are nagging and have a bad attitude, or they lack self-confidence. In short, they stop trying, and they become tiresome. Like it or not, your husband either wasn't who you thought he was, or he just lost interest, and it happened a long time before he met somebody else. If he had been interested in you, and he had high integrity, and he respected you, this wouldn't have happened.

And there's no point in questioning why it happened. It just happened, and now all that you can do is move on, and maybe you will meet somebody who is interested in you, who has a good attitude, who is confident and has a positive attitude along with high integrity, and who will treat you with respect. But remember, you don't get more out of a relationship that you put into it and demand from it.

Answer 4

you poor woman. this is really difficult for you, and there isn't much you can do to ease the pain.
but you can't turn off love, that is for certain. 28 years is a big chunk of your life to just forget about. and you can't just forget about it. you need to treasure this part of your life, but also realize that it is a thing of the past, and you're living in the present, and you just have to accept that and remember that somewhere out there in this great wide world, there is a guy waiting to treasure and love you.
maybe start some online match-making or something like that. you'll get through this, even if part of yourself missing.
im sorry this had to happen, good luck.

Answer 5

Im sorry to hear that it causes you pain. There is no way to turn off your feelings. I know it hurts when someone you love no longer loves you anymore but if we continue to allow ourselves to dwell on this, we are not doing ourselves any favor. The other person is not going to change their mind and return our love. My boyfriend and I broke up recently and he is now in a new relationship. It hurts to know that he has moved on but I know that someday I will too. Whenever you feel down about this, reinforce it with positive thoughts.The important thing is to not let this engulf your life. Find things you enjoy to do, meet up with friends, volunteer, etc. I firmly believe that time will heal all wounds, some wounds just take longer to heal. I wish you the best. :)

Answer 6

He is using the cold shoulder to cope with his relationship with you. That helps him justify his decision to leave you. If he "hates" you enough, that can be his reason for leaving.

I can imagine that you are devastated, hurt, betrayed, sad, angry....But, rather than focusing on what he did to you, focus on you. His behaviors, which was wrong, has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. He is the one with the problem, not you. Unfortunately, you were the one who is the victim of it. Focus on dealing with the grief of the situation (yes, this is a loss) and begin to develop a deep love for yourself. You do not have to turn the love off (how can you?), but you have to learn to refocus that love towards yourself so that you can get through this. Cry, yell, scream...do whatever you need to do, but don't let the love turn to anger towards him or bitterness towards yourself. That will keep you in bondage and prevent you from continuing your journey through life. Life is hard and painful at times, but for every trial, there is lesson and strength. Be blessed and keep loving.

Answer 7

Not all men are like your husband ~ far from it in fact. Some men walk away from women leaving them totally gutted.

I think it depends on why the relationship ended ... he could have grown out of love over time & by the time he ended things he was emotionless (or so it seems).

Remember ~ @ some point wheels turn ... someone will end up doing it to him.

Hold your head up & try get over it (& I say that in a nice way) ... time heals !

Answer 8

well love for someone is hard to give up but you really should move on. turn that love to your self and do for yourself now. sounds like your just sitting and feeling sorry for your self. get out and make a new life time will heal all wounds and a new guy will make you forget this looser. believe me iv had this done to me and it took me 1 1/2 years to get over it but when i found another girl she was even better than the first. so just move on it will be good again.

Answer 9

I had no idea there was an on/off switch, DAMN! I would of used it a long time ago. It sounds as though this is his way of coping and moving on. Not the healthiest method though. You need time to heal and then move on. I'm sure he still does love you in a way, however, this is his way to not deal with it. The numbing reaction I believe it is called. I wish you the best though.

Answer 10

He may have had this feeling years ago, but did nothing about until he found another woman who gave him excitement and thrills. After a few years with this other woman, he will probably fall out of love with her as well. Love is commitment, not a feeling.