Why do Men (I suppose Women do to) get mad for what they THINK we are saying?

Question

Makes me CRAZY - I can't even say what I'm actually unhappy about and he's defending himself for something else.

Wouldn't be so bad if he were mad about what I'm saying, but he won't let me actually tell him, so I can't even get to the real issue.



Why do they DO that???

Thanks for all the great answers. I appreciate the feedback! (And, while I've heard some of it before, some times I need to hear it again!)

I'm going to put this to a vote ... I can't decide! THANKS!!!

Answer 1

We get upset because we men communicate in a largely linear fashion...void of what we consider to be extraneous details. Women conversely tend to need to include those details to a degree that gets us confused and wondering exactly "what the hell is she trying to say?". It's no surprise that much gets lost in the translation. It would be a cop out for me to suggest that women should learn to be more clear in what they're saying. That implies that women are somehow speaking incorrectly, and that's just not true. But it is true that the two genders communicate differently to some degree (even when speaking the same language), so if it's worthwhile to be together, it's worth recognizing that fact and finding some common ground in our exchange of ideas....give and take, just like with everything else. And that, my friend, is why we DO that.

Answer 2

I have to agree with the other answer--some men may think you're asking for help or advice or for a problem to be solved when women are just venting. And of course this can work in the reverse, when women just offer "oh, I'm sorry" instead of some way to figure out the situation or whatever.

There's also the possibility that one party isn't saying what the other one wants to hear. I had a female friend who would literally ignore you sometimes if what you said wasn't what she wanted to hear, whether it be someone having to leave because he's late for something, or not wanting to hang out with her because I needed some alone time, etc. She wouldn't look at you and act like she didn't hear you.

And to be fair, I had a guy friend who did something similar. He believed what he believed and he'd argue with you, or simply brush aside your opinion if he felt it was incorrect or ignore it. Or he'd acknowledge your POV, but it'd be wrong in his mind.

Sometimes if you got into an argument with her she'd basically change the subject on you and try to argue about that subject instead. Drove me nuts, but I guess it was to draw you away from the original point, in which she knew someone was telling her something she didn't want to hear.

Another male friend of mine would get really pissy and continually argue with you until you conceded to him. He'd never let up because he was convinced his point of view was correct and was not open to hearing another point of view or allowing the fact that sometimes on certain things people have different opinions on things.

It sucks, but what can you do? In one case, I am trying to drop the friend, but things are a lot more complicated than just communication problems.

Answer 3

I've asked a professional, in a round about way, this same question a few weeks ago.

Men think (and he said most women are not like this), but men think they need to have an answer, or you are pointing fingers, etc. etc. (a million different thoughts)

But, women just want to vent most of the time. We need a sounding board and want to say "SHUT UP -- LET ME VENT" but they get defensive as soon as we talk about anything confrontational whether it is about them or not.

I always sat and listened to my guy go on and on and on, since I learned that it would avoid an argument that would get messy to go through the 2 hours of monotonous torture. So I did. But, now I don't have to. Because, after 10 years of it, I finally told him 2 weeks ago:

"Just listen to me, I don't need or want an answer and I'm not even talking about you. Just listen. No replies unless I ask for one.....I just need your time to vent. PLEASE"

Much easier now. I hope that's where you were going with your question. My situation might seem a bit different. I hope I interpreted it correctly.

I wish the best and feel free to tell me I'm an idiot and answered something in my own head that has been dragging me down.

Cheers!

Answer 4

Men's greatest satisfaction is to make women happy. So if you are unhappy, chances are that he may feel disappointed in himself because he cannot make you happy.
Women by nature need to talk a lot as a means to resolve their problems whereas men are the opposites and will want to be alone to solve his problem by himself.
Man's greatest joy is to have a sense of achievement. So next time you catch him doing something right ( no matter how small), give him a compliment and then only talk to him about your unhappiness.

Answer 5

Got me.....training I guess. My mom was a big one on making you guess what she was "really" thinking because if you loved her you would know. Literally drove me crazy. So I went the opposite becomming brutally honest and I say exactly what's on my mind.....but there's always someone telling me.....no...you don't think that. Or I didn't know.....Can't make it any clearer!!!! Pay attention! LOL

Answer 6

close minded they don't want to hear anyone else point of view.That kind of person can't never be successful because they don't know how to listen when you care for them they turn around and think bad about you they can't never be happy because they will wind up with the wrong person who treat them like dirt instead of the person who care about them but they can't see.