how to get my marriage back on track??

Question

My husband and I have been growing apart for some time now. We don't have sex. He doesn't give me any attention at all, unless we are fighting. I have developed a crush on a friend of ours, ( i wIll not persue him). Our friend has a crush on me also and it feels nice to have a man attracted to me. How do I get back to a good marriage with my husband so I can feel good about myself with my husband? I know for a fact that I would not be attracted to this friend If my husband and I had a somewhat good marriage. He will not go to councilling

Answer 1

Well start by changing you. Get yourself a notebook or journal. everyday set a goal that you will write down so many wonderful things about your husband- say 5 things/day. Make that number higher every week. Then pick one thing and when he comes home from work or before you go to bed tell him that one thing.- " I love that you took my car to get the oil changed"- "You are such a great husband because you___whatever." "Dang, you look hot today" Don't tell him about the Journal, just keeps it, if he finds it no big deal because it is all positive. Don't expect him to do the same thing, just you do it and see what happens. If he catches on and follows your lead, than that is great, if not oh well.

As you do this, your attitude should change. Hopefully he will see that and see you appreciating him and then his will change as well, for most guys that is how it will work. Then after you have turned things around, whenever you see your self going into these slumps try that again. Doing this will not hurt anything, but could change everything in a positive way.

Counseling does not always help. Sometimes things can be turned around without it. Many counselors, particularly female ones, tend to side with the wife and make the Husband out to be a jerk. So if you do go to counseling, then carefully pick your counselor, so that things are not made worse.

Most issues can be solved, simply by loving and appreciating each other.

Answer 2

Well I don't know what you've tried but if you haven't done this try it! Put a lil spice in your relationship. You guys have been proubly married for quite awhile if not I'm sorry. But Sometimes when you're relationship and things are normal people tend to just go threw the motions. If you did something special like wear something really sexy and tried something you haven't done with him in awhile It'll spice it up again. If you have kids find a babysitter plan a trip to Vegas and spend some quality time. Maybe even relite the fire you had in the beginning of your relationship and go to the same place where you had your honeymoon. It'll bring back good memories. You'll be able talk about those good times and tell him what you feel about where your marriage is going. Sometime if the communication isn't there then you'll never know what he's feeling and vica versa! Try it! If it don't work then you proubly need to rethink things and find out how much the relationship really means to you. Sometime people have kids and they stay together because of the kids but their killing theirselfs inside! Think about it! I hope you can work things out!

Answer 3

First, just because he won't go to counselling, it doesn't mean that you can't. If you think it will help, then go.

When my husband and I are having issues, it usually takes a lot of work. Try to look at when the issues started -- was there a major event? Has something changed other than the communication issue?

Ask your husband on a date. See if you can convince him to set aside time specifically to talk about the issues confronting the two of you. Do your best to not fight when a fight starts -- just take a couple of deep breaths to calm yourself and then ASK him why he feels the way he does about whatever it is you are fighting about. If you refuse to fight, but stay in the conversation with him, it may help him to come out with whatever is bothering him.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

Have a talk with your husband and find out where HE thinks the trouble started. Spend more time listening than talking. Got to counseling yourself, without him, to get some guidance because there is probably some history to this problem. You can review that history and get an opinion about what possibly is going wrong.
You're right to keep that friend at arm's length.

Answer 5

You need to leave the friend alone. Delete his # from your phone. You know this. You and your husband need time for each other for healing and forgiveness. Do not fight, regardless, cook him a nice meal, go to a ball game, just you 2, regardless what is said, do not fight or have harsh words. If he will not go to counseling, that will have to be OK, be the initiator in the forgiveness and healing

Answer 6

Wow!! Someone who wants to stay in their marriage? Yay!Treat your husband with respect no matter what. Compliment anything you can about him at least once a day. Sometimes it's hard to think of nice things to say to someone that you fight with all the time. One good standby is to say "you smell good" after they shower. Approach him every day, touch him and tell him you love him then go on about your business. A good way to end an argument is to say "I love you too much to fight with you". Walk out of the room anytime he treats you with anything less than respect.

Answer 7

Talk with your husband and ask if he wants this marriage or not. It is simple you either both work at it to make it or you dont, and you walk away and begin your life again. Tell him you dont desreve to be treated bad and wont tolerate it, if he want out just say the word, go from there.

Answer 8

Counseling is the only way to save your marraige because there are some seriously deep issues here. Tell him it's counseling or a divorce, then let him decide how important your relationship is. If he refuses to go, pack up all his stuff and put it on the front porch & change the locks, that'll tell him you're serious. Chances are, he'll go to counseling - he probably just doesn't take you seriously so you need to put your foot down.
If he decides not to work on your relationship, he's not worth the trouble. Love is a conscious decision you make every day, it's not just a feeling.

Answer 9

Start by having a heart to heart with your husband, see if saving your marriage is even worth it to him then take it from there.

Answer 10

Wow. That's a tough one. Counseling is probably the ONLY way to get back on track. If he won't go, you go! That will help a lot. The therapist can direct you in what to do to keep it together, if that's what you want. Good luck... not only have I been there... but I am there again! Grass isn't always greener elsewhere!