I recently stepped out side of my marriage to be with an old love who i haven't seen in many years. When we were younger his family moved to another state. This person was the love of my life, my first love, the person i gave my virginity to and i had always said that if i ever seen him again i wouldn't let him get away. unfortunately because it's been 10 years i got married to someone else. after seeing this person i realize i still love him. i have no plans on leaving my husband because now there are children involved. I do love my husband but i want to stay in contact with this person. What are your thoughts? I know cheating is wrong and all that other stuff a lot of people on here like to say but my feelings and emotions are out of control. I need some realistic advice.
2007-07-03 05:19:48 · 23 answers · asked by Mouthwatering 1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this person lives in another state i was thinking we could take turns visiting eachother 5-6 times a year.
2007-07-03 05:22:13 · update #1
If you have any further contact with him you will suck terribly. That's a low thing indeed to cheat. It's a stupid thing to even contemplate continuing.
You better repent NOW cause your husband will be oiling up his pistol if he finds out.
Trollop!
2007-07-03 05:28:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are playing with fire and if you keep going about the way you have been you will find yourself in a divorce wheather or not you want that.
You should be looking at your situation as if from some one elses shoes.
How would you feel if your husband was thinking and doing what you are planning to do?
You said that if I ever saw him again I wouldn't let him get away... I think that if I were you I would have looked him up before I got married if you felt this strongly for him. But you didn't so now you are here. You are looking at things all wrong. First off if it were ment to be, it would have been. You fail to see that you are where you are in life b/c this is the plan for you, it no longer includes him (maybe it DID but now only in passing) and for you to say I'll never leave my husband b/c we have children is for all the wrong reasons period!!!! Yes you love your husband but really how much?
You want to keep in contact with this guy for imature reasons and lets face it you are out of high school now so lets start thinging as a responsible, mature adult, wife and mother. Who loves her husband and her children that much to not live a lie!
You need to catch up with the times. Emotions have driven you back to another time and place that no longer exsist and the sooner you realize this the sooner you can consintrate on the family that you already have, you will be able to put back into the family the energy and love that has been lacking since this all come about.
Be happy with what you have -life is too short!
Control your emotions, don't let them control you!
2007-07-03 12:43:30 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already are overwhelmed and its only the beginning.
Wait until it a couple days or week before a visit and you are ignoring your family. Then later when your family is just an irritation and the only time you are happy is when you are with him.
Affairs are attempts to escape from our own lives.
You don't like facing the fact the your day to day life isn't what you had hoped for. But you first love is a flash to when your head was in the clouds and everything was possible.
The real problem is that YOU failed to do everything you wanted to do and your responsibilities are now stopping you. You want to be selfish and think about no one, but yourself and still be the good guy.
Its your life and the mess in it was made by you. You can try and put off clean up your mess or grow up and take control of your life. Right now your emotions are childish dreams that you already know can't work.
Being a good parent is very important to me and my decisions reflect that. Maybe your role is to serve a great bad example.
2007-07-03 12:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotions come to all of us but we don't have to act on them nor do we act on every emotion or feeling that we have. How many times have you wanted to run some bad driver off the road? Smack your husband? Tell someone to piss off? But, you didn't. Why? Because you are able to do what is right no matter what you are feeling.
My suggestion is leave the past in the past. There is nothing to gain from seeing this ex any longer - choices were made long ago and commitments have been made since then. Ask youself how you would feel should you learn your husband was doing this to you? How would you feel if your children found out what you were doing? What type of role model are you going to be to your children? It's not just you anymore - a lot of people will be affected by your decision without having the opportunity to give you their two cents as you are not going to consult your husband or children to see if they are okay with this, right?
You can do the right thing no matter what you are feeling - emotions come and go and if we acted on everyone we felt - we all would have nothing but chaos in our life. Cut off all contact and move forward with your family.
2007-07-03 12:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The realistic advice is to leave your husband! He will be hurt initially but its better for you both as I'm sure he doesn't want to be with a woman who doesnt love him completely. If this other man brings you soo much happiness in your life and fills the void in your mind, body and soul than I say go for it because you don't want to be an old granny and think of what could have been. Your time on earth is precious and love is an essential emotional need of all humans. This man will always be on your mind. Your personal love life is very distinct from your relationship with your kids and you should seek happiness in both. You can still be a good parent to your kids if you leave your husband. As long as they know that both parents still love them and that this isnt their fault then all should end well. In time your present husband will appreciate you for telling him the truth as I'm sure he will find someone that loves him unconditionally.
2007-07-03 12:45:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you love this person and your emotions are out of control, but....You need to think of your commitment to your husband. Think of your children. You need to take a long good look at all sides before you enter into a long distance relationship with the love of your life. Look at how you will eventually feel about yourself when your husband does find out. How will it impact your children when the find out. If you truly love this person and want a relationship with him then I suggest you leave your husband before you enter into anything. Affairs are not fair to anyone, how will the "love of your life" feel when you tell him you want to stay with your husband. There are so many life's at stake here. Think things through before you act. Look at the whole picture as an outsider. I know it's hard right now with your heart being torn but you must for your sake as well as the ones around you.
2007-07-03 12:34:03 · answer #6 · answered by hootie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you still have deep feelings for him being friends could be a challenge. Your feelings will only grow the closer you get. You have to make the ultimate sacrifice for your husband and children. You have to let go and move on. You may always wonder what if? And when you start to think about it look at the children you share with your husband. Would you do it any other way??? The grass is not always greener on the other side!!! Count your blessings.
2007-07-03 12:34:55 · answer #7 · answered by Truth Hurts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this something missing from you marriage?
First off, I'm not going to say your emotions are wrong, Because we are not in control of our heart, just how we feed it. But don't you think you should have come clean to your spouse before you decided to make this an
"on going thing"?
Did you know that if your husband finds out, he can make an UGLY court scene for custody of your children, and probably win??? Is a 5-6 times a year affair worth loosing your kids over???Good Luck;
LALA
2007-07-03 12:29:36 · answer #8 · answered by lala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, I lived that life before - though I didn't act on my feelings, but did stay in touch and continued to love him... you have to make a real choice.. Leave your husband or stay and try to forget the other guy - break all ties... I know that's not what you want to hear, but your marriage will end in divorce for adultery if you don't... You will continue to fall in love with this other guy and your marriage will suffer. It's not fair to your husband.. would you want him doing the same? I'm not arguing the cheating side, you already know about that... but I know how you feel and it will only get harder from here... Make a choice honey... and not making a choice will still lead to a harder choice down the road.
2007-07-03 12:25:45 · answer #9 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My opinion, STOP NOW BEFORE IT GETs OUTTA HAND!!!. If you truly love your husband then you will do the right thing for your marriage and that is leave that ole flame alone. To many times people put them selves in situation that they could have prevented from the get go. I understand you still love him but if it was truly meant for you and your old flame to be together then that would of happen 10 yrs ago.
Now if you are staying in your marriage because of the kids then you marriage is already on sinking sand. Remember that your husband and marriage comes before your kids.
Think about it.
2007-07-03 12:28:11 · answer #10 · answered by baloo_99_dmajor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOVE is a counscious decision you make every day. You obviously DON'T love your husband or you would have kept your pants on. At least have the decency to be honest and tell him you've been lying to him every time you told him you loved him. Grow up already, I'm so sick of people betraying the ones they're supposed to love just because they're selfish and insecure. It's not good enough that one man loves you, you've got to have TWO? Seriously, you're deranged if you think this is acceptable behavior. Seek mental health help, you've got issues.
2007-07-03 13:12:38 · answer #11 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋