Can you guys help me out?

Question

Do you think the sotry is good so far?

http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=3543725&chapter=1

please review

The sunshine leaked in through the opened window allowing a ray of light to glide across Hermione’s face. She

groaned and rolled onto her side. Getting up, she rubbed the sleepiness out of her eyes and glance at her new alarm

clock. “Dang it!” Hermione thought. It already nine o’clock! She had promised to meet Ron, Harry, and the rest of

the Weasely family in Diagonn Alley at ten o’clock in the morning. With these thoughts, Hermione jumped up and

ran into her small bathroom. Quickly she stripped herself of her clothes and jumped into the shower stall. As soon

as the warm water enveloped her body, Hermione’s tense shoulders relaxed and she let the water slide over her

whole nudeness with great comfort. Although the shower was quick, it improved Hermione’s mood. She turned

off the water, dried herself with a fluffy towel and changed into Muggle clothes. After all, it was still summer, and

her robes were way too stuffy. In half and hour Hermione was ready to go out

outside, wearing a yellow sundress and
flip-flops. She flooed over to Gringotts Bank and took the unnerving trip to her vault. After talking some
Galleons and Knuts, Hermione walked outside and decided to wait for her friends in the Ice cream Parlor. Minutes
later, Harry and Ron came strolling in. They changed so much over the summer that Hermione needed a moment
to take their newly acquired looks in. Ron became less lanky and more toned. His hair was now spiked up with
light golden feathery highlights. Harry looked even more muscled because of extra quidditch practice. His eyes
gleamed brightly and he wore no glasses; instead he now used contacts. A moment passed and Hermione jumped
up and ran to hug her two best friends. They pushed her away and said “Who the heck are you, woman?”
Hermione laughed and said “Aww shucks! C’mon guys! It’s me! Hermione!” Ron and Harry looked
dumbfoundedly
at each other before rushing over to where Hermione was standing and a

YOU KNOW! JUST FORGET THAT I POSTED THIS QUESTION ANYWAY BECAUSE IT WAS A DUMB IDEA. IT DOESNT'T WORK. But, can you just go onto www.fanfiction.net and look up Holly Inks in the Search Category, and read my story? PLEASE?

Answer 1

This URL you supplied above requires a login.

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Thanks for the update!

I like your story but is all seems a bit of of character. Just these details, for instance I don't' thin she would wear flip flops or say "dang it".

Fan fiction is as fan fiction does...

Answer 2

The URl needs a login. So copy the text and paste it under the details section when you ask a question.

Answer 3

yep what the guy above said i can't login