I met someone... we got along incredibly (he was gushing about me nonstop... we got very close).. now he's switched off and avoiding me. He is a diagnosed bipolar on meds (lithium, etc). He also lives in a different city. I've sent him several e-mails -- he reads them and does not respond. It's been 2 weeks now. I know he had recent stress (he doesn't handle stress at all) so I don't know if it's rejection or caused by the disorder. I have been told to walk away by friends but I feel attached... and very, very hurt. I don't know if I should stick it out and wait to see if he comes around? um... i just wish he would tell me if he didn't want me in his life. I'm not sure what's going on (I don't understand this disorder). I'm not even sure if he's hibernating in a 'cave' somewhere having an episode. He won't even answer if he's okay! How do I cope? Thanks. Please don't respond if you are going to say mean things... i feel so fragile as-is.
2007-07-03 04:32:28 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
oh... and everyone is telling me that it's him and not me. That i shouldn't take it personally (as rejection) -- but that's what it feels like to me. They tell me he obviously has big issues... I don't know what to think!
2007-07-03 04:35:11 · update #1
You have to sit down and take a look at the big picture hun. I completely understand how you are feeling attached even though he wont respond to you, but it takes strong will to do the best thing for yourself. The fact that he is bi-polar concerns me because that means he will act this way the rest of his life, and do you really want to be treated this way? I'm sure he does care about you but it's probably hard for him to deal. My best advice is give him another week, let him know you want to help but wont wait forever! see if he says anything and if not, do your best to be a strong woman and move on.
2007-07-03 04:45:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he has very deep issues with relationships. He seems to be having a problem trying to communicate to you that he can't handle one right now. You say that you want him to tell you that he doesn't want you in his life. I believe him reading your emails and not responding is his way of telling you just that. I tell my sons all the time to communicate how you fell to this person you have a problem with but they tell me after ignoring them, "Oh mom they will get the hint eventually". My sons are only 12 and 13 years old. I believe your guy has this very immature mind set as well. Don't get too hung up on this guy. Give him some space...alot of space. If he is in a cave then that's where he needs to be to take care of this problem he is having right now. We all handle issues in different ways. You cope with this situation by finding yourself something else to preoccupy your time: take an art class, work out more, take long walks at your local botanical gardens or the beach with a good friend. If this guy doesn't work out (and I know you have heard this before) there are just sooooo many other guys out there. Before I go I leave you with my most favorite saying for times like this: "If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, If it doesn't it never was." Take care and learn to love yourself and the caring person you have become. Don't let a relationship define who you are and how you are to feel.
2007-07-03 12:37:59 · answer #2 · answered by Celia88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Mom and my brother are both bipolar so I understand what you are going through. It is a very difficult illness to live with and to deal with in someone you care about. If you are considering a relationship with him, I suggest you learn as much as you can about the illness because it took me years to understand how to deal with the changes they go through without letting it tear me apart. He may be going through a very down, dark time right now and when that happens they retreat from everybody and everything. I know it's hard to not take it personally, but you have to learn to separate the symptoms of the illness from the person themselves. You have shown him that you care and are worried about him through your messages and that's really all you can do right now. He will eventually come around. It's very important for bipolar people to take their medications daily or they have these episodes that are either really high or really low. Google bipolar disorder and you will find a lot of information that will help you to understand a bit better. Take care and I wish you the best.
2007-07-03 11:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do yourself a favor, walk away, bipolar is someone who is so self absorbed they do not care about anyone but themselves.
2007-07-03 12:23:42 · answer #4 · answered by fran j 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋