What's going on with my marriage?

Question

My wife and I were married at the beginning of this year, after dating for about a year and a half. We've known each other nearly all of our lives - we had lost contact for nearly 20 years. About a month after we married we found out she was pregnant - it will be my first, her fourth. Since then her feelings for me have apparently changed and now she can barely stand the sight of me. I realize she is dealing with a difficult pregnancy (we're both a little older), and I hear that her hormones are all over the place. She told me that she's lost respect for me (I lost my job after 10 years 2 weeks after we married, though I have a good job now), that she doesn't think I'm funny at all (though everyone else in my life does), and that I'm "too much of a woman" because I express my emotions (I lost my sister 6 months ago and had a health scare myself a month after we married, so I'm a little stressed). She still talks to her ex every day and sees no problem with it -I'm just at a loss.

As far as the pregnancy, we both wanted it to happen. 2 of the kids are older, but she does have a younger one too (don't want to get too specific). The ex is a decent guy, but he did lots of things to hurt her and their relationship (won't get specific about that either). I'm just beside myself because I've always wanted to have a child and now it's happening, but with her already considering divorce I'm seeing half of my life with the baby (it's a girl) slipping away. I would love to get counseling, but she's told me she feels that there's nothing worth saving. I love her, adore her, but something clicked in her head that told her I was to be despised. I am somewhat unemotional now and I know that's wrong - my baby is on the way but I can't enjoy it because I feel so lost. I am a good guy (honestly) - I want to figure out a way to make it work, but I'm also realistic that it might not.

Answer 1

That's really sad, but you have to become alot stronger. It seems to me like she has the control and that is not good. You have to have some control too, some self respect, pride, dignity and value and not let anyone treat you like this, especially your wife.

She seems to be disrespecting you in alot of ways and your letting her. You have to put a stop to this and if she's not willing to work together and help your marriage, especially because she is pregnant with your child, then you have to take it to the next step. I'm not sure what that could be. Threaten a separation. That might change her way of respecting you.

Confront her and tell her that you will not live like this. That you are in no way, too much of a woman, because you express your emotions! Tell her that you're very intelligent, because expressing your emotions is what you should do with your spouse. That's what brings you closer. If you were too much of a woman, you wouldn't be married to her!

If she's not going to take care of your feelings, then you have to. So in a secure way with your chin up, find out why she is treating you this way? Does she still love you? Does she want you out of her life? Could this be from her hormones? Does she know this is hurting you?

Just find out what you need to know and say you both have to solve this problem, because this is affecting your life and you have the right to do that. Good Luck

Answer 2

Wow, you have alot going on. And I am not sure why your wife would be talking to her ex, unless it is about the kids she had with him. Then it might be ok. Your wife is pregnate so you do have to consider that she is being this way because everything is off balance. But then again she could be a little bit more supportive since you have gone thru so much. I would consider getting a marriage councelor. Maybe an outside party can help put things in persective for you. If that does not work then maybe you should think about ending it. I know that is hard and not what you want to do. But try the marriage councelor first. See if your wife is willing to give that a try for the baby and the family.

Answer 3

I have a friend going through something similar.

All I have to say is

1. At this point, make sure the baby is actually yours.. It sounds harsh, but she is pushing you away for a reason

2. If she has lost respect for you, you got a bigger issue going on then you know. Try to get down to the root of the problem (this may hurt, but you may have been a rebound)

3. As far as her communicating with her ex, if those are his kids, you can't do too much about that (especially if he chooses to remain in their lives)

4. As far as separating or divorcing, that's really up to you. If you both still live together and she's not leaving, find out what she's holding on to. If she is not willing to communicate with you, then maybe you should think about you and what's best for your health.

Answer 4

She feels a need to attack your character and reject it. Why? Well that's a question that may take a counselor weeks to figure out. Perhaps she blames you for impregnating her, and sees it as some kind of assault on her body since she is older and already has 3 kids. I'm guessing here of course..but I would talk about the baby that is coming and make sure that she wants it.
I didn't find that being pregnant made my hormones vary, but quite the opposite, that the up and down cycles stopped since hormones were regulated to be in one direction.
She may also feel that her ex is more her type? What is she saying when she talks to him? Maybe she misses that life. But I don't want to jump to conclusions, she may just be talking to him everyday for arrangements and decisions about their kids?
Talk first about that baby. Maybe she feels trapped. If she's good with the baby coming, then discuss why she needs to attack your character. If you can't work it out through discussions, then you need to call a professional counselor.

Answer 5

So sorry. You have a baby on the way on top of it all. She should not be talking to her ex; that is not good for you. Just tell her that you love her but can not keep taking all her insults and you will stay with her until the birth of the child, but she needs to consider what she is doing to you and your marriage. Hope it works out for you.

Answer 6

It could be a number of things: It could be due to her pregnancy that she is having mood swings. It could be that she is stressed out about you losing your job, it is normal for her to be thinking of the future for her child, but it's not normal that she makes you feel horrible about losing the job. It could be many things. The only thing I can tell you is you both need to consider marriage counseling. Counseling can help you both in many ways, and with their help, you can both pinpoint what's really going on. I hope this helps. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Whilst she's talking to her x everyday her emotions could be still tangled up with him. You need to set some boundaries here, tough love my friend. Tell her you don't want to be treated like this any more, bullying and character assasination are not on. And she needs to stop the calls to the x so you guys can concentrate on getting the marriage back on track. Go for it xx

Answer 8

as you have said, she may be under a hormonal change which affects her moods and temperament. As of this time, try to be understanding.

But, after a year perhaps of having the baby, and still it doesn't change...then better ask, if something is wrong with her...fight for your marriage but do not exclude the possibility that there are things that ought to be given up.

Answer 9

Love is accepting each other for who they truly are.
The best thing you can do is strengthen your character and stay true to yourself.
By being who you are you will give her a easier time to accept you.
If you run around trying to change to make her happy she will not be able to love you because you will not be constantly in a state of flux between who you really are and who you THINK she wants you to be.
People rarely know what they truly want and even more rarely are able to express it.
I recommend to stay true to yourself and tell her this is who she feel in love with, so you don't understand her problem, but you love her any way.

Answer 10

You might want to consider counseling. Sounds like she still has feelings for her x. She might not have wanted to have anymore kids and resents you for it. Though she should have been on something to not get pregnant. You need to sit down and talk with her though only she has the answers you seek.