How to tell my husband i'm leaving him?

Question

Okay. I'm 27, known my husband 16 months, got married last oct, got a house in november and i've been miserable ever since. I left him on june 6th for two days and went back thinking it might be a wake up call. Yeah right. He has no desire for sex and said that's his antidepressants. But he hasn't made an apt to get them changed. He has an apt with a urologist to talk about that problem. He can't get it up. We've tried Viagra and that doens't work every time. Then when it does he said he doesn't feel anything anyway so why do it! On top of that.. he's disabled with ms, he is not in a wheel chair, he doesn't work. So he said he's be mr mom. (there's no kids). Well its a fight usually to get him to even vacuum the living room. He thinks the marriage can work without intamacy. I work 8-5 and he sleep most of the day and is up half the night. He never goes to bed with me. anyway.. i went to a lawyer last night and filed for an anulment! how do i tell him? I'm going to the shore

i'm going to the shore tonight with my parents for a mini vacation. I don't want him there and neither do my parents. I'm done fighting with him. I think i'm going to go home at 5pm, tell him i'm going, not to call me and to leave me be. HE never answers his phone so why should i answer mine! Plus he doesn't know how to get to the shore place. He's very argumentative and hardheaded. He'll start crying and say i thought i was doing better. He hasn't worked on resetting his "clock". He does what he wants when he wants, yet needs to know where i am at all times! So please help!

He didn't tell me till after we got married in oct that he doesn't have a sex drive what so ever. He at least acted like he had one while we were dating. Also i purchased the house he didn't so i didn't want him for $. I know other people with MS that can exsist in life wereas my husband just seems to want sympathy from the world.

Answer 1

hmmmm...you said you were getting married on a saturday 3 months ago...then a month ago you said you got married in Oct. and were in love with another man.

Answer 2

~~*~~ Ok, so you want to leave him why?? I'm sure he had MS when you met him. He has no sexual desire because of his meds, that's normal. So is it that Viagra doesn't work every time. It's not easy talking to a doctor about it either. It seems to me that you are being very selfish in this. A marriage takes work and support from both sides, not just monetary. I'm sure he's tired of you getting on his back for things and he feels bad about the sex issues. You said " So he said he's be mr mom. (there's no kids). " But in another question, asked by you, you wrote that it was previously agreed to. Now you are throwing it in his face?! Try looking at it from his point of view. Since you've already filed an annulment, the only thing you can do is just tell him. Don't through it at him in an argument or tell him in passing, of course. When you have time off of work, turn the TV off and sit down and tell him straight. There's nothing else he can do anyways. Be an adult, for once. Then walk away having learned something and start over fresh with that "best friend" that you've been pining over for a while now. Just do us all a favor and DO NOT hand out relationship advice, EVER!

Answer 3

It's a long miserable life . Tell him to his face and do not get your waterworks running and stand there and bawl into a Kleenex . Lucky for you both there are no children, so do the best you can and call it quits .
Promise yourself to be more prudent in choosing another partner . It takes a long time to get to know someone . Never pick a guy that has a poor work record or has an aversion to picking up a vacuum cleaner or a dish rag . When you yourself have to work outside the home , tasks must be shared for the most part .
Just tell him you are leaving. No fanfare and no accusations, just do it . Have your stuff packed and ready to roll . If you have a joint account, take your half and get out. Hopefully you have rented a place to go to already. There are many years ahead of you to enjoy one way or another . Good Luck .

Answer 4

Before you call it quits, sit him down and have a serious talk about it. Tell him everything you just told us (be a bit more tactful though) and tell him you cant live like this and are thinking of leaving. Suggest counseling. If he refuses, then tell him you want an annulment. Or if you don’t want to deal with it yet, tell him all of the problems you listed, and that you are thinking of leaving him. Tell him you’re going on this trip without him to give you both time to decide if this is a marriage he wants to continue. Tell him if he decides wants to continue the marriage, then changes need to be made, and THEN suggest counseling, and request he get a docs appointment to discuss options. Remember that you’re not in this marriage alone, and that there was a reason you married him in the first place. It has to be a 2 way decision (both to continue, AND to end it) Don’t leave him out of the decision making process or you’ll always wonder if it could have been saved, and you added to the divorce statistic just because of a miscommunication.

Answer 5

You knew how he was from the get go. It is a shame that now you don't want to be bothered with him. It doesn't matter if he changes his meds, they all do about the same thing with the same side effects. You are a selfish woman, who married for all the wrong reasons. So why won't you take this advice; stop acting like a child and be the adult you are. Tell him that you don't want his limp **** no more and that you are having the marriage annulled. That there is nothing he can do about it because you went behind his back and already talked to a lawyer. WOW, that was not hard.

Answer 6

OK, he has. as you put it "on top of that..." MS, (that's not an instant death sentence, he needs someone very strong emotionally, that can deal with marriage and the obstacles that both partners will face) all of these other issues..why marry him in the first place? To "see if it would work" ? Just tell him. Don't draw it out. He is obviously (drugs, and the way he acts) depressed. He doesn't need you to let him down on top of things. Now, for obvious reasons, he will probably be VERY depressed. Take it from me, I "leapt" before I thought once,too, and it only hurts everyone involved.

Answer 7

You should sit down with him and explain how you feel. Let him know that if he can't change that unfortunately as much as you would love to be with him and support him you can't be happy being married to him like this. Maybe you should try counseling and if it doesn't help then, I'm sure you know what to do. I went through the same thing and am divorced now after being w/ him 14 years and married 5. The whole sex thing is very important in a marriage especially in the beginning. I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 8

I personally feel that if you truly love someone you will stick through anything with them... for better or for worse (remember) I know someone with MS, and it's not easy at all for her, they are ten times more miserable then you will ever be. I go over and clean her house for her because she can't. She isn't in a wheel chair either, and she sleeps most of the day. Sex is great, yes! If he can't get energy to do it, then you should be there for him anyway, and just hope that maybe one day he will have a normal day just one more day in his life. If your going to leave him though, then just tell him exactly what you wrote on here. Good luck!

Answer 9

Well I think you will try and take the house and everything you have gotten from the marriage. Maybe you married him knowing that you would benefit from a divorce. I think you should have considered this before you married the poor guy. Maybe you will know one day what it will feel like to have MS and then you will look back and see how badly you treated him. Does not matter if he is in a wheel chair or not. Maybe your bitching all the time has cause his limpness.

Answer 10

You just have to be honest with him. Sit him down and tell him that no intamacy might be ok with him but, you are young and need that part too. You might be doing the next woman a favor by being honest. Don't turn it into a fight. You also need to let him know it isn't just about the sex but, it would have been nice if he at least would come to bed and hold you. Let him know that it is over you are sorry but, need to move on.

Answer 11

you sound really selfish to me. he has MS and you treat him like this?? you have no clue what it's like to have MS....and he obviously suffers from depression or anxiety, do you know what kind of toll that takes on him??? You probably nag and rag on him and make him feel bad about himself therefore making him confused about his love for you and thus he can't perform because he probably loves you but despises you for the way you treat him. You want to leave him, JUST TELL HIM if you have any respect for him...if you make all the $$ why are you afraid to tell him?? did you find another man and you are trying to justify that your husband is a bad guy so you can feel like less of a piece of garbage for leaving him hang high and dry?? marriage is for better or worse, not in convenience and good health....if you loved him and took your vows serious and were an honest and a good woman, you wouldn't be leaving him hang like this, you'd work and fight to get him better. Depression is brutal and he may need your help more than he tells you...stop being selfish...Don't hate on me, Im just telling it like it is and Im keeping it real....