Someone I know has an abusive husband... What's her fate if she reports it?

Question

They appear as a loving couple in public. He act as a caring person, he talks to his clients how great she is. But then she calls me and tells me he's indifferent at home, he can come home late, doesn't explain where he's been, doesn't do stuff around the house except for when company is supposed to be over and she had enough and refuses to be a slave in the house so he can have fun with friends. I have reasons to believe her, because I've known her since hight school. She had a nice career, but when they got marriedand had kids he wanted to become the provider, and she didn't go back to her great job. Now she's also financially dependent. He got credit cards in her name and ran them all up. He went and helped his sister to paint her house (what a nice guy) and then came home and got drunk. He calls her names and hits her so that there are no bruises. She's afraid to call the police because she's afraid to make him mad. Plus she was told that they will take her to shelter and not him

Answer 1

Lordy Lord Lord. If there is anything I hate it's a punk *** man that feels he has to make himself look and feel good by beating a woman. 1st of all, I don't care what his excuse is or what she did, there is no reason to put your hands on anyone. If she's afraid, you as a friend try your best to convince her to go and report him. If that fails, have her write down each incident, kinda like a journal. Video tape, record anything he may do or say that may be incriminating. Staying b/c she loves him won't matter b/c it's obvious that he doesn't love her. The kids may lose a father, but they'll still have their mother if she leaves him. She can leave and stay w/a family member or if you as her friend is financially stable, you too can help her out. I say she needs to start by calling back up that great job she had and try by getting it back. He enjoys bringing and putting her down, it makes him "think" he's a man. For lack of better words, he's a Pu$$y. If she leaves and he sees that she can, again stand her own and stand up to him, he'll have nothing but the utmost respect for her. But, at this point she still needs to leave him alone, only God can save him. But, then again, that's Just My View!

There is so much more I can say on this, but, I'm just too pissed to even think anymore. If you need more insight, feel free.

Answer 2

An alternative to calling the police is for her to discreetly go to the county prosecutor and file charges, then go to the courthouse and file a protective order (aka a restraining order) on him. If she does not have the $30 or so that it takes to file the protective order she can request that the fee be waived.

However this is a more difficult way to go about things. Ideally she should call law enforcement. In most states it is required that the officers remove the ABUSER not the victim. Especially if there are children involved.

Why don't you do a little research for her. Call the county prosecutor in your district and ask what your state law is. Then check with a couple of area agencies for battered women to see what support networks are available for her. The YWCA is a good place to start.

Then be a good friend and help her get the hell out of there before he does anymore damage to her and her children! Every abusive relationship has the potential to turn deadly in the blink of an eye. She needs to get out of the situation as soon as possible.

Answer 3

Never mind what would make him mad, she can't ignore that and she can't live with it, especially if she has children watching this.

She has to threaten that he has gone over the limit by hitting her. That she was trying to ignore it, because she was in denial, but she will have him arrested if that ever happens again. That doesn't mean she should still want to stay together. This jerk should be getting kicked out and he will have to pay for it. She has to do something about it right now, or it will only get worse.

She should be getting a separation for now and then making a decision after she becomes settled. I'm sure it will end up in divorce. Just save those poor children.

Answer 4

What a top class anushole. He is gutless, cowardly and not worth piissing on. Yes,..she may go to a shelter, friends, family if she has half a brain. ( then she takes him for everything he's got) Im not usually one to support that, but guys like this DESERVE IT. MAKE him as miserable as he has made her for the last ? years. However, She will also spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder, jumping when the phone or the doorbell rings. But its worth the risk, if I stayed with him i would be locked up for life. APPARENTLY its against the law to chop off a mans penis. Cant see why, personally. This is why I LOVE HAVING BALLS! (CAUSE IF HIS GET CHOPPED OFF? IVE STILL GOT MINE!I dont have to put up with this crap, and to tell you the truth, I am praying for the day a guy like that comes along.... He'll be in for a nasty suprise..its always worth taking the risk of leaving. And it seems quite a few men dont deserve to have one. (woman or peniis) Women dont get TAKEN to shelters. They turn up on the doorstep asking for HELP, and a safe place to stay. He wont go to a shelter, (he MAY when he has no house??) if theres a god hell go to jail,... not.. he'll stay there in his little house stalking her for the next year.... JUST DO IT! Throw him in the **** big time, and watch your back... Just do the Eddie Murphy line ' the women say's rubbing her cheek (hold a kitchen knife) 'thats okay, yes you were right to hit me, I brought it onto myself..now why dont you just.....GO TO SLEEP.... (sweet smile) if that doesnt change his ways i dont know what will....

Answer 5

Abuse is hard on everyone. She and the children will be the ones to suffer the most. It's a long lonely road, but if she had a career she should get back out there and contact her local women's resource center to she what kind of help they can offer. Don't know where she lives, but there is help out there. Some areas have better help than others, but there should be something. No one should have to put up with that kind of behavior. She is worth more than that...... been there. Wish her luck

Answer 6

Of course they will take her to the shelter. Duh! It is for the abused, not the abusers. Anyways, tell her that if she wants to leave him, she needs to first become independent. She needs to get herself a job. She needs to cancel all the credit cards in her name (which is odd since she doesn't have a job to get 1). She needs to actually clean up around the house without being asked to so that she won't make him mad (funny, she won't leave because she doesn't want to do the same thing). Given that there are 2 sides to every story, I haven't heard what she has done. So, basically, she needs to just get herself back onto her feet, then she can talk about leaving. In the eyes of the judges, she doesn't have a job and a lot of bills. They will award him custody of the children and the house for that simple fact. Especially when she has not proof that he abuses her.

Answer 7

It sounds like she is married to my ex this is the same things my ex did to me plus some........She really needs to get out if she calls the police he will go to jail not really sure for how long BUT it will give her enough time to get out and get a restraining order to keep him away from her .....even if she was to go to a shelter they will help her get a job and help her with getting a divorce and keep her safe while shes there ...Of course he would tell her lies because thats his way of controlling her and keeping her from calling the police,My ex always told me the only thing they will be taking is you (As in me) in a body bag ....get her out of there even if you have to let her stay with you


NO Cinn is wrong it does not matter if she has a job or not the judge WILL NOT award him the children ,,My Ex tried to tell me this too and I called an attorney it doesn`t matter if she has a job or not

Answer 8

if he is abusive, yes, they will take her at a shelter and not him. she need to leave this man asap. a shelter will help her get a job, find a place ot live, etc. she needs to get a retraining order out against him too. she can file bankruptcy on the debts, and include most of them in the divorce as his debts. if $$ is the only reason she s staying, well, that is a bad reason -

Answer 9

Convince your friend to report her husband immediately before something bad happens.

Have you heard of wives being murdered by their husband? Not to be rude but, think. What if that happens to her? If I were you, I may always be bothered by my conscience.

If she afraid to do so, volunteer yourself and make a stand. Remember that her fate will rest in your hands the moment you report her husband to the police.

Answer 10

yes, they will take her to a shelter.
That's what shelter means, a protection.
Social services can get a restraining order and help her find a place to live and a job.
Then she can stick him with all the bills and sock him with a truck load of child support (if they have kids).
It's scary to take that first step, but it has to be done.
Life is too short to live it in misery.
But, if she goes through all that, then goes back to him, my sympathy for her ends.