Ok, I'll try to fit all this in and keep it short as possible. Im married...24 years old. Ive been with my hubby for 10 years. We started datin at 15 for those of you that cant do math, lol. We have had alot of bumps in the road since we basically grew up together. We made it past all that and got married 2 years ago. I truely love my husband...but there is alot he does that pisses me off, but we always seem to get through it. Once when we were havin problems about 3 years ago, we took a few weeks away from each other...like a break. At that time a good friend of mine was in the same situation with his g/f. We started talkin and really hit it off. I almost left my now hubby for him. I think I started to fall in love with the new guy. Well we hadnt talked in years once me and my hubby worked things out and so did he and his g/f. I assumed thats how things were suppose to be or it wouldnt have worked out like that. Now, him and his g/f split and he hit me up on myspace.......(read below)
2007-07-02 20:18:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now that he hit me up on myspace hes talkin like he wished we woulda got together instead of how it happend. Now Im findin myself thinkin that too. I love my hubby like I said, but now I dont know what to do. Can you love 2 men at the same time? Should I try this and see where it goes? I just dont know. I really miss the other guy and always wondered what woulda happend with us. Like I said me and my hubby have had problems, but I love him more that life. But I kinda feel like that about the other guy too. Please help me tell me what you would do. Please dont say follow my heart....its leadin me nowhere, I tried. Im soooo confused. Is it normal to do this after bein with someone for so long? Help please
2007-07-02 20:22:51 · update #1
I know my hubby deserves better you ***! Thats why Im askin...I never said I was cheatin, Im not like that. I didnt do that when we were on a break then either....we wasnt completely broke up. Im just askin for advice. Just cuz Im in this situation doesnt mean Im like other girls that are sluts!
2007-07-02 20:27:47 · update #2
I really agree with Christie. Go talk with a counselor that can help you with these feelings. The two of you have been together for a long time and made it this far and that means you really do love each other. Sometimes things look better on the other side of life and once we get there it could be very disappointing. I often hear people say that you don't know what you've got untill it's gone. Stay close to your husband and find some exciting new things to do and explore together.Think about how you would really feel if he died and you could never see him again. If the thought of that breaks your heart he was meant to be that special man in your life. Maybe you are drawn to this man because you and your husband are in a rut ? It's possible that your husband needs to show you more attention and be more romantic with you. Try to talk with him and let him know what you need because you probably really do mean the world to him. It's a nice feeling to know that another man may be attracted to us but that may be all that he feels because if someone really cares about you they would want you to be happy in your marriage. Husbands often do make us angry over things but if you get through it something special is there between you both. Men and women are often very different in nature and see things in their own way. Often you can feel that he is going one way while you are headed another.....eventually the love we have and feel for each other meets on the same path.Marriage is working together on things and believing in the dreams that brought us together that we can make it through the bad and the good.There are many temptations in the world that try to break us down and you can only count on each other to bring one another back up. Whatever your needs in life are believe that he can take you there because he chose to be with you over every other woman in the world. That means you are really special and the one that holds his heart. Don't let anyone hurt that or come between that love.....one thing you know for sure is that he has been with you from the very beginning and he is still there for you now.........that in itself says alot about how he feels about you......I honestly believe that all the things you want and desire he will do the best he can to give it to you. Don't let anyone confuse your heart to the man that is your husband because the day he married you he put his heart safely in your hands. I wish the best in life for the both of you.
2007-07-02 21:43:53 · answer #1 · answered by Lindsey 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I would not act on these feelings. When you've been with someone for a very long time, especially when you're with only one person since such a young age, it's a "good" or exciting feeling to know that someone else finds you desirable. Sometimes, it then leads a person to wonder about the "what ifs" and then question the last X years they've spent with the person they're currently with.
Basically, this other guy and you only hung out/talked/connected during the time both of you were apart from your current relationships- three years went by and nothing. And now, his girlfriend's out of the picture again so he's contacted you on myspace again. I think that's a sign that both of you, or at least you, need to steer away from him. You're married- and with any marriage comes problems or things that annoy or upset or even break our hearts about the person we're with, but to have been together so long and at such a young age is so very rare and special- not something to take for granted or second guess.
You two practically grew up together- you have been together for so long and so young when you first got together. It's rare- it's special. When the "passion" is gone with the other guy- what would be left? I don't believe it would even be possible for you and this other man to have what you and your husband have. What you and your husband have sounds like something you and this new guy could never create together.
2007-07-02 21:53:11 · answer #2 · answered by LE!SA 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Throughout life there are a lot of temptations, as married people we must remember that golden band. We stood before the preacher, family, the church, God and our Spouse and promised to love and be with them til death do us part. Is marriage easy no, is the grass always greener on the otherside of the fence - NO!
You know what you have, but you wonder about what you don't have and what you don't have could be alot more trouble that your husband. You have dated your husband for 8 years and have been married for just 2 years. That is a big investment and alot of experiences you two have gone through together.
Why risk loosing everything you have. Take the time and energy you are spenting on this issue and invest it in your marriage and you will not regret it...and don't look back.
2007-07-02 21:53:12 · answer #3 · answered by J R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm in similar situation, 24 married 4 years with my husband whom I love to death. But there is this other guy who I really like a lto from college who wants to reconnect. I would like to and I think it would be fun and exiting and new, just two months ago I had the chance to do so.. But at the end of the day I decided that It was not worthy> I do not want to lose what I have with my husband for something that could have been or that could be... I love my husband and I think that you might feel the same. While it sounds nice and fun you are with who you choose wherever years ago and is for a reason "love" don't throw it away over an infatuation.
2007-07-02 20:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by Kya26 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Stay with your hubby. You had a break and that gave you a window of opportunity to know that there are other men out there that you can 'hit it off' with. So? If you had another break and this other man wasn't available, you'd probably still find someone to 'hit it off' with. Big deal.
Here's a scenario: you dump your hubby and go off with this guy. After a sweet honeymoon period during which you pat yourself on the back for being savvy enough to make the decision to be with him, things go a little bit wrong - just enough so he's annoying as hell or maybe it's his family that hates you or maybe his ex-girlfriend is still in touch and he wants to keep her as a friend or worse, she stalks him and you're back on Answers.
You're then asking this question: is it possible for my ex-husband to take me back after I got myself into a bad situation by using bad judgement? We talk and I realize I still have feelings for him.
You said your husband does things that piss you off but you always get through them and you love him. Yet, you're all flattered because 'good friend' is looking to hook up with you, a married woman! Quite a prince, that 'friend' - doesn't think much of marriage, does he - I'm talking about yours - so what makes you think he has deep feelings for you? What would it mean for you to leave a commitment and go off with someone who sneaks around on myspace to find partners? Ask yourself why and how he and his g/f split up? Could she have been the smartest person in this story?
2007-07-02 20:53:33 · answer #5 · answered by kathyw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
TRUST ME...the grass is not greener honey. Sometimes we don't realize what we have until it is gone. Don't put yourself through that. The guy is hitting you up on myspace probably because he is lonely and you are probably not the only one. Stick it out with your man. You have been with him a long time and there is nothing wrong with that. Your relationship has lasted longer than most marriages be proud of that. If there are issues that need to be dealt with then deal with them and tell him how much things bother you...don't hold back. Try counseling if you have to but you will be going from bad (if its bad) to worse (the other guy) Just think of all the work you put into that relationship..Best Wishes
2007-07-02 20:39:32 · answer #6 · answered by Nale 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you don't love the other man, you are confused because you have always known and dated only your husband, you are not use to the attention that you get from another man, as it was always just the two of you , this kind of thing hap pends when you marry your school boyfriend, there was no other men in your life, so that you can see what they can offer, its not love i promise you as you said you love your husband to death its just the excitement of attention. I don't want to sound nasty, but rather stick with you hubby, all relationships has their ups and downs and keep in mind that the grass might seem greener on the other side but you will be entering unknown territory, you are in your comfort zone now that you know and understand, its not always worth going to the other side Good luck
2007-07-02 21:02:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm you said
"Im married...24 years old. Ive been with my hubby for 10 years. We started datin at 15 for those of you that cant do math, lol."
Where did you go to school at? I was always taught that 24-15=9!
Nikki, Since you chose to personaly contact me (message ccp'd below) I'll respond to it here and tell you that even with 2 weeks factored in,24-15= I still come up with 9.You sound like you are realy immature.God,I wonder why he dumped you?
From: Nicki
Subject: your an idiot!
Message: I meant to put "about" 10 years but then technically since my b-day is in 2 weeks I assumed it would be OK. Thanks anyway
2007-07-02 23:12:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Please do NOT act on these feelings.
Until you heard back from the other guy, it sounds like you had him filed away in your mind under "memories to cherish." The problem with the ease of finding past friends with the internet is they sometimes dredge up feelings that we cherished so long ago.
The fact that you married your husband AFTER somewhat exploring a relationship with this other young man is a clear statement that you should be focusing more on your marriage and less on the 'what ifs' that your second young man has brought to light.
And, in my opinion, he's a selfish oaf and not to be trusted. He knows you are married, and if he TRULY loved you, seeing you happy with your husband would be his focus in your friendship. People who explore "would have, could have, should have" with people they know are in a serious relationship are selfish.
You married the man that you had been in a relationship with for the best part of 8 years. You owe it to yourself, and to your husband, to keep your focus on working on your marriage ... and not introducing a third party.
If for some reason you decide to pursue a relationship with the second young man, I hope you have the courtesy and respect to completely end your marriage first. Before you decide to do that ... do you think that the second young man will stay faithful to you, without any physical contact with you, while you go through divorce proceedings? I'll bet that he proclaims his love and says he can wait .... but starts pressuring you for sexual contact within 6 weeks.
Please, please, please ... do not dishonor the commitments you have already made in your life by exploring options that should not be made available to you.
And, if you and your husband are still having trouble, and that is why you are considering leaving him, I highly recommend counseling and couple's therapy. Your vows should be as sacred to you as you would like your husband's to be to him. And if it were him having these thoughts, wouldn't you want him to try every avenue of working things out with you before he decided to end the relationship and move on with someone else?
I hope that whatever direction you take in your life, you do so with careful thought and planning, while respecting ALL parties in question with utmost care.
2007-07-02 20:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by devyl gyrl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well you've been with him and grew up with him. It only makes sense that a part of you wonders what it would have been like to date more than one person for your entire life. I wouldn't go assuming life is greener on the other side - it's better to work out what you've got with the one you're with than to start fresh with a completely different person who could end up being worse in a relationship with you. You and your husband have been together for a long time - try to possibly seek counseling that will help re-ignite your passion and love for eachother - - a marriage without excitement and deep love soon looses the committment quality. I hope it works out with your husband.
2007-07-02 20:30:41 · answer #10 · answered by christie 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋