is it wrong to be jealous of other peoples lives, their happiness, what they have, when ive had to endure?

Question

pain, trauma, victimization throughout my life, have never made any friends, never had a girlfriend or been in a relashionship, im very lonely, ive never been employed, im 30 now, have borderline personality disorder...im on a waiting list for therapy, i live in the uk, but eventually want to emigrate and build a new life.....but meanwhile i live in an apartment on my own, feel socially excluded, feel cut off, and i feel bitter and angry and resentfull of other peoples lives and what they have...
and i see what other people have all around me, i see their smiles and laughter everywhere. when you browse myspace profiles, when you watch tv, when i go outside amoungst others......its like people are really rubbing the salt in....
can anyone see what im saying here?

Answer 1

Well there are people who live worst off than you....

Look at deaf people, they are sad cause they can't hear music or go to theatre with their friends who can hear.

Look at blind people, they are sad cause they can't see.

Look at the people in wheelchair, they want to walk and
dance and live an easy life.

Why not make friends with them..... and make them smiles?
They will make you smile.

Answer 2

Oh honey! I was so touched by what you wrote, and you have my sympathy. I totally understand where you are coming from. I want to write an answer because your question touched me. Although I don't know if what I will say will help you or change you I hope it does some good, cuz I hate to think of someone so unhappy. Firstly can I just say well done in getting to 30! I think that shows you are a very strong person. There are numerous people who probably would have killed themselves by now going through what you have! You should feel an achievement in that and be bloody proud of yourself! That shows you have an inner strength that you may not realise is there! You need to only surround yourself with decent human beings. Anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable or victimized is not worth your time. Also bear in mind that most of these people are bullys because they have an inferiority complex and no conscience! As for browsing myspace profiles, people generally like to show off and make themselves look a different person on myspace, usually showing only what they want people to see. These are not proper real people they are just profiles. Dont get sucked in to it. Same goes for t.v! Also as some others have said, there is always someone "better off" than you, just as there is always equally someone "worse off" than you, its just that what you are surrounded with is pictures and images of all these wonderful lives, that you get a distorted view of the world. You dont look out your window and see starving kids in africa, or people shut away in their homes due to illness, depression, or disability. I would advise that you reach out to those who are worse off than you, as you will have more respect for yourself for being a kind person, and that will build up your confidence. Also by realising there are people out there who could do with your help, it will help put things in perspective and make you realise what you have got - a roof over your head, food to eat, the internet and a t.v etc. Maybe you could volunteer for the samaritans (you'd be working on a phone line and not in person) or do some charity work, or just even get involved in a charity that means something to you, and read up on their work. I really believe that when you give something out, it will come back to you. I am sure you have so much potential, everyone has a gift to give. Good luck and please don't feel too bad. I really hope you feel better. No one should have to feel that way.

Answer 3

everyone has issues..... you don't know what goest on behind closed doors..... there is always someone worse off.
I have been Thur pain and abuse and tragedy..... trust me there is a lot of pain rejection to go around...... But i chose to be a Victor not a victim!
I cant help what people have done to me but i can choose my response. I bloom where i am planted.
I raised my 3 kids and worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs.
I could dwell on what i don't have and get more of the same.
I am blooming where i am planted...I before i roll out of the bed I thank God for ten blessings in my life....
yes you do have ten things and the list just gets bigger.
Eyes toes you walk and talk are intelligent are alive and not in a coma.......... As long as there is hope there is life.
The gift of life is a gift don't squander it. you cant get the time back......... be a gift and blessing to others to have a friend you must be a friend...... people are not rubbing salt in they are dwelling on the good in life!

Answer 4

I see what you're saying and I somewhat relate.

I've dealt with a lot in my lifetime. I lost my mother when I was two and my Dad was never around. I had a rough childhood and also teenage yrs going into my twenties. It's always easy to look at other people and be envious of the lives they lead, the things they have. I think no matter what you've been through, good or bad, you'd always look at something else that someone had and be jealous. It's just human nature.

The most important thing is to not let it get the best of you. Not to let it take over the kind of person you are and can become. I don't have many friends, and I've lost tons of ones I have tried to made. I'm not really big on going out and such. It's only human to want to feel needed and loved, to not be lonely. You just have to remember, if you are looking at people's lives over the internet, ie Myspace, people typically post things that make them look better, that make them look like they are having the times of their lives. I know if someone were to look at my profile, they wouldn't see clues to the trouble and pain I've endured. I keep my trials and tribulations close to my heart and only share it with the people I am closet with.

You never know the inner demons that people are struggling with.

It's hard, but if you want to change the things about you, you need to look deep inside yourself and find out the person you want to be and just go out there and do it. You can't be afraid. Think about the good in life and how much more there is out there to experience. Wipe the slate clean, talk to someone about your problems, the things you have been through, you'd be amazed to find out how much better you feel knowing you have at least one friend you can talk to.

Good luck with everything. :)

Answer 5

'Wrong to be jealous' ~

Not wrong, but futile, a waste of energy but seemingly natural.

However, it means your focus is in error ~ turned outwards instead of inwards and in dealing with what you can do something about.

If you want to emigrate and build a new life, then - you need skills to do that, just the same as if you were to go somewhere and build a new house. Do you have the skills ~ for building anything!

No disrespect intended, but you paint yourself as having no skills at all, so it seems to me to be a good idea if you were to do something about gaining the skills you need - for building a house or a relationship and or a future.

As understandable as it might be, the need is to look at what you can do, not at what you cannot do. Perhaps a D.E.A. at a Job Centre could help / advise you on what's available.

They are a whole lot better than they used to be.
I wish you Good Luck.
Sash.

Answer 6

To be envious of others is normal but you have to live you life on your terms. What others have may not be right for you. At one time or another I felt about everything you have but I move on. Life is to short for that much worry. You let people rub salt into the cut, develop a skin of steel and look for your own path. Here in the Midwest our weather is rainy, something like 8 1/2 inches.

Answer 7

It's human nature for people to exaggerate their lives and to make sure that only the best bits are seen. No one wants to be seen as a failure in the eyes of others. I'm 41 years old and was born with Cerebral Palsy. As well as a congentital disability, I've had to deal with child sexual abuse, substance addiction, attempted murder, rape, mental breakdown, sibling suicide and on top of that, I broke my neck in a wheelchair basketball game!!! I still have another 40 years to go yet too! Just because people look happy, it doesn't mean they don't have problems. Marriage, employment, children etc all come with their own set of worries. Don't just endure your life, LIVE IT for god sake!!! Join a volunteer group, go out to places. SMILE!!!! All people feel as you do, they just hide it. Instead of feeling resentful, be grateful you have what you have. You aren't homeless and have therapy to come. If you are lonely now, emigrating will be just as bad. Don't believe what you see on the television. It's a make believe world! No one is rubbing salt into your wounds because they are too worried about their own lives. Life sucks but you can make it better. Remember, even married, employed people with kids have crappy lives too!!

Answer 8

Jealousy is a natural feeling. There are three ways you can respond - shut yourself away from the people you are jealous of; try to bring down the people you are jealous of with insults and derogatory remarks (not recommended); act upon it and do something with your life so that other people will end up jealous of you.

Try any of the following: travel to a country you don't know anything about; volunteer on a nature reserve; set yourself a challenge, e.g. to be able to finish a 10K race; learn a skill - how about DJing - you could be the next mix-master mike!

Answer 9

It seems to me that you thrive on misery. How are you going to have a relationship of any kind when you say 'you've never made a friend or got a job'......???
What would you do with your time if you didn't spend all of it feeling resentful of other people, complaining about what you don't have.??

Do you really think people are smiling or laughing just to rub your face in it???
Don't bloody flatter yourself!!
You are so caught up in yourself, & your self pity, that you can't even imagine the pain that lies behind many of those 'happy' faces.!!
The victims of abuse...the tortured soul...the person who's dying....or had to bury a child...the sucidal...the depressed..

The difference is that instead of wallowing in self pity & wanting the world to pity them
They hold their heads up, put on a brave face or do whatever it takes to get through the day....
I pity you!!!!!

Answer 10

It's not wrong exactly, but it ain't healthy. There will always be someone better off than you just as there will always be someone worse off than you. You are the very top at one thing - being yourself. Best to concentrate on doing your best in life and harming no-one else. If other people have nicer lives, it's not their fault. If you get all bitter, you'll never have a happy life yourself. Please start liking yourself. I'm sure you're a good person.

Answer 11

Wow.... My brother has those same feelings, but then he is disabled and is racked by excruciating pain all day everyday. Between boughts of screaming agony we talk about the lonelyness and isolation he feels. I think you should take a lawn chair outside and stare at the world from a spot slightly closer to it.
Most people aren't bubbling happy. and if they don't know you then I'm sure they are not rubbing it in.
You sound like one of those guy who leaves a manifesto after he kills a bunch of people.
I think you should go outside. Take a walk at the same time everyday.