My husband and I have been married for nearly 9 years. Shouldn't we be past the part of our relationship where we smother each other? Shouldn't we be past all the jealous rages? Can anyone tell me how to stop all the jealousy?
2007-07-02 18:29:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Jealousy is a possession issue and, unless addressed, will never go away
2007-07-02 18:33:21 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is only around if someone feels they are being threatened. Are you the jealous one or your partner? Maybe your partner feels threatened by someone or does not feel adequete for you in some way. You need to explore these feelings and figure out what is causing them. Has anyone ever been dishonest or harmful to the other by having an affair or has this ever happened in a past relationship. just things to think about that can all reflect on your current relationship. If your partner cant trust you, you need to ask what you can do to earn that trust and then try hard to convince your spouse of your commitment. If there are jealous rages that stem from ridiculous things then maybe you should seek counseling...
2007-07-03 01:37:37 · answer #2 · answered by Justme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you needed to give more information.
Jealous rage is a pretty strong emotion. What is it related to? It just comes out of nowhere? Is it after you've been out all night with you "girlfriends". Does he suspect you are up to something if you are only gone two hours at the mall or are you gone all day and don't tell him where you've been.
There's a lot of difference. On one side he could just have complete lack of trust in you no matter what you do. On the other side, he could have noticed changes in your actions and wonders if you are actually cheating. We don't have this information.
Something you see as a jealousy rage, might be a sincere (but raging) cry for stability in your relationship. Or he could be a nutcase.
2007-07-03 02:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by ∞ sky3000 ∞ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't listen to these people who are calling your situation "immature" or not at a "deep level." That's an easy answer - it's easy to lable someting "immature" just because you don't understand it, and it's a bunch of crap. Also, be wary of advice from people who think they are a good source because they have had multiple marriages. If they are so smart, how come it didn't work out with the first few marriages?? Listen to Justme. She's got a great head on her shoulders, judging from her answers. Anyway, here's my thought. Did you marry a good man? My guess is you will answer, "yes." Yes, you married a good man. He and you might have some issues, but you still married a good man because you are a smart woman. Don't forget who you married. He's worth getting through it all.
2007-07-03 10:38:58 · answer #4 · answered by Rose 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like you may be fighting about all the symptoms but not getting to the heart of the problem, why you are jealous, insecure and not completely trusting of each other.
It takes a quiet conversation (no raising of voices or finger pointing) to talk about this big "why". Once you both understand the why you can shift to the "how". How to get past this and get some harmony and trust.
If you try this and things get heated, you need to see a councilor who will help mediate and get you through this. It can be a small price to pay to save your marriage.
2007-07-03 10:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys apparently need to talk on a deeper level than you do. Nine years?!
People express their love in many different ways. It is true also that a person has certain needs that must be fulfilled in order to feel loved. I can't tell you specifically how that applies to him and your relationship. You need to find that out for yourself. That is the importance of communication.
This is my third marriage, my wife's fourth. We've learned that if either of us has a problem with something the other is, or is not, doing then this has to be brought out into the open and agreements have to be made about a solution. For example, I don't mind if she goes out occasionally after work with her buddy and has a few drinks. I do mind if I don't hear from her or she's out too late. I just want to know she's alright. That's all. And, for her sake, I've agreed not to hang out with any of my old girlfriends, even the ones I never slept with, because it makes her uncomfortable.
So, once you've identified the problem, agreed on a solution, then you have to honor that if you want to be happy and you want him to be happy. Two people who can't be happy together don't belong together.
2007-07-03 01:59:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your jealous because your insecure and afraid.
Start learning to love and be confident in yourself and the jealousy will decrease.
Or you may be addicted to the jealous arguements...just a thought.
2007-07-03 03:07:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Get some counseling to get to the root of the problem.
How can there be love with no trust?
2007-07-03 01:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by justme 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds insecure and one way to over come this and jealousy is by re-assuring him telling him you love him etc. You should sit down calmly (if possible) and ask him why he is feeling this way. Whats his self esteem like?, sounds like it could do with a boost too. Cheers and good luck.
2007-07-03 01:35:14 · answer #9 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should be over at this stage. I would recommend you first give each other some space and realize that jealousy is immature and reflection of lack of confidence in yourselves.
2007-07-03 01:35:50 · answer #10 · answered by ensoman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋