Do you ever feel that your conservative Catholic grandma is or was nonetheless a feminist at heart?

Question

Ha. I don’t mean only conservative Catholic, but any grandparent or older relative who grew up in more traditional times, when women didn’t have much choice, and who still think in traditional or religious or conservative ways.

My grandmother told me stories about how much she loved school and how much she wished she could have kept going (she couldn’t afford to). Instead, she married and had four sons, and married a second time after being widowed. Though she’s a strict Catholic and she and I avoid religious and political talk because we disagree and this makes for awkward conversation, she encourages me to obtain as much education as possible, be independent, do my own thing, and not worry about marriage or stress over men and relationships. (cont.)

The other night we were - for some reason - on the topic of things women do for men that go unappreciated, and she announced, “Yep, they expect you to stay home and raise the kids and clean and do laundry and put food on the table - and then you almost even have to chew the food for them.” This was, coming from Grandma, hilarious, and gave me new reason to believe Grandma’s a feminist at heart. It gives me roots in a feminist legacy that I thought I didn’t have.

Have you had a similar experience with an older conservative relative?

Yes, I think of the stories she's told me about her youth and teenage years, and think of what she might have been had she had prospects besides becoming a wife and mother, and it saddens me. She's too physically weak to go back to school.

Answer 1

Before I had a clue, in the early 70s I guess, my mother's mother-in-law -- very sweet woman -- utterly shocked me by ranting about young women who expected a man to take care of them all their lives.

Since at that point I had assumed that's what would happen, I was quite taken aback.

Not quite the same thing, as she was a political progressive, but hearing those words coming from the mouth of such a sweet, gray-haired lady has stuck with me all this time.

Uh, give your grandma a high-five for me.

You know, it's not too late for her to get that education.

It's never too late.

Look into the Elder Hostel movement -- well, probably not a movement, but a program.

Or look into local colleges.

If nothing else, she could start with community college.

Not only would she get a kick out of it, and possibly fulfill a life-long wish hitherto withering, but would be a positive addition to college classes.

I went to a school (late 70s) that had a lot of "re-entry students", mostly women, from late 20s all the way up.

They added a LOT to my college experience.

My story isn't really like yours, as my family isn't like yours (not religious, for instance).

But I do know what you mean.

Next time someone waxes poetical on how things were better in "olden, golden" times (as so many often do -- not having lived them), remember her desire for an education she couldn't have, and all she would have loved to have done, and all she would have contributed.

But, as I say, she could go to school now.

She'd love it; her profs would love it; her fellow students would love it, and benefit greatly from having her in their classes.

Tell her to go for it.

It's NEVER too late!

Answer 2

My grandma is the same way ( just not catholic lol) she raised kids, did all the chores, etc... But she always told me that since women have more opportunities now, that I should take full advantage of them. I believe all women, not just one with feminist ideals, after they are married for as long as our grandma's and mom's have been, they do know that at times the whole family takes advantage of mom because she is the one who does everything. My grandma says that if she did not remind my grandpa all these years, he never would have sent birthday, anniversary, or Christmas cards because they just don't think to do those things.

Answer 3

Good question. My conservo-catholico grandma, was surely a closet feminist. Yes, she had 11 freakin' kids. But did she stay home and raise them? Nope. They had a cook and a nanny, and since my Dad was the baby of the 11, he was basically raised by his siblings!

Now, you might ask, what the hell was my Grandma out doing (besides trying to preserve her sanity)? She was the leader for the Women's Guild, and was always taking on different philanthropic projects to help raise women up. She also made sure ALL her boys and girls went to college (tho' my dad dropped out) which wasn't as big a deal for women back then.

Answer 4

Sure, I think so. Except my Grandma (and conservative Catholic hits it right on the head) *did* have choices - at least as many as my Grandpa. She raised two boys while my Grandpa was fighting in WWII, and after he came back, she worked off and on in the evenings at the phone company. As soon as they had saved up some money, she quit her job.

As a working-class woman, she was frankly baffled by the insistence in the 60's that a woman's "real" fulfillment could only come from working. She thought that was ridiculous - it was a sacrifice to work in any low-level job when she had children, not a source of joy. It was a source of a paycheck, nothing more. She was quite happy to give it up while her children were young, and resumed working part-time, off and on, once her youngest son reached adulthood and was out of the house. She enjoyed her friendships at work and used her income to save for traveling with my Grandpa, who worked as a postman. When she was about 50, she quit "working" completely and took care of the house and helped with grandchildren, keeping in touch with her girlfriends from work and going out to lunch with them a few times a week.

Was she a feminist? Oh yeah. She encouraged continuing education especially for the girls in the family - the free kind, if the "official" kind was out of reach. She was interested in politics and often commented that what the country needed was more smart women in government. If sure she was a fan of equal pay for equal work.

However, I think she would have been perplexed to hear that she didn't have the same opportunites as her brothers - her sister went to nursing school and probably made the most money eventually, over two brothers with factory jobs. She chose to get married right out of high school, and her sister chose to put herself through nursing school. After watching her mother in the Great Depression forced to take in work to do while raising children, she was happy to have the option of doing otherwise.

Her cousin was very interested in education and became a nun and later a teacher - the idea that my Grandma was "forced" into doing otherwise seems a little odd. Express a wish that she could have been "more than" a mother and she'll look at you with pity in her eyes, since you obviously don't get what being a mother is all about to many women. That's like saying Bill Clinton's mom always wanted him to be "more than" president - incredibly insulting and clueless.

Answer 5

Well, my grandmother was from Poland, (born in 1895!) and she once told me about the time when she thought she was pregnant and since her husband was very sick with tuberculosis, and she already had 4 children and it was very difficult to feed them all since it was the depression, she considered having an abortion. It turned out that she was probably just stressed and her period was late or something, but she was not pregnant and didn't have to go through with it.
My grandfather ended up dying at the age of 36. My grandmother had to foster her children out (about 3 months)until she could PROVE to the authorities that she could afford to feed them. She worked nights at thread factory, and during the day she cleaned houses. My aunt (who died not long after at the age of 13 of rheumatic fever) was the care taker of the family. When she would come home from school she would make dinner for her 2 brothers and my mother who was just 5 years old. After my aunt died, it was up to the boys. My mother also had tuberculosis and ended up in a sanatorium when she was 10.
Needless to say, because of these hardships, I come from a long line of feminists! My grandmother was worshiped until she died at the age of 96!
Edit: I forgot to mention that of course, being Polish my grandmother was a very staunch Roman Catholic. Those prayer beads were constantly out!

Answer 6

Yes. My conservative Catholic mother.

She has her share of statements when she expresses her displeasure at some of the things men do. Yet she doesn't consider herself a feminist and has also expressed disgust of them when I brought up the topic (one of the many dozens of times I've talked about feminism).

I just asked my mother why she doesn't consider herself a feminist. Her response?

"I'm not a feminist because I think motherhood is the number one priority there is, and they don't- their priority is themselves."

That's a verbatim quote (perhaps give or take a word or two).

Now, there are some feminist mothers on here who would certainly beg to disagree with her assumption, but the point is that she HAS the assumption in the first place. Figure out why she has that assumption and you will instantaneously understand why feminism has lost so much respect among the young women of today.

Answer 7

No they're part of the Christian relatives. possibly their liturgical conduct purely seem a sprint unfamiliar to you or you're thinking in the event that they are going to unmarried you out as distinctive or some thing. do no longer subject maximum Christians are not bigots. Edit: Wow! I purely examine your extra information. That instructor's sexual imagery is incredibly disgusting although I pay attention you in regards to the grading subject. i could leave the instructor's indiscretions on my own in the mean time for useful motives too (and that i could attempt to stay away from being on my own with him if a probability). You optimistically comprehend that the Catholic conception is that we can purely worship God even though it would not sound like they're going to pay attention. Are they easily Christian no longer a sort of sects like Jehovah's, Christian Scientist, and so on? if so you have the doubtful honour of being an enclave of non secular bigots. don't get bitter and twisted and assume all protestants are like that. Their inconsistency with the Christian faith could be tutorial for you in terms of ways human beings could be. persons are good at rationalising issues that seem inconsistent with their values. thinking approximately it greater it particularly is probable purely some teenager subject exacerbated via the reality that the instructor is a non secular bigot. i'm guessing which you're no longer an aggressive jock. Teenage boys will seem for somebody who's distinctive to %. on relatively somebody they see as an elementary objective and the bigot instructor is pointing the finger at you. possibly getting to grasp boxing and for this reason showing up with busted lips and black eyes on a prevalent foundation may well be the pass (some boys locate envidence of an aggressive way of existence a turn off while they're finding for somebody to %. on) fairly of framing each and every little thing in non secular words.

Answer 8

Allegra, you do the best you can with what you've got in any century. The fight for independence by elderly women when they were girls, was impossible to win without the backing of a male family member. Read the Brontes.

Answer 9

I don't feel that being religious or a conservative means you can not be a feminist.

I have a Lubavitch (Hassidic, ultra-orthodox Jewish) friend with 11 kids who considers herself a feminist. She said that feminism is about choices and she is doing what she chooses to do.

Answer 10

I know she is!

She is the one who clued me into that if I liked the idea of women having jobs, having bank accounts, driving, and being able to own property, then I was being feminist.