My husband of just 3 weeks .....has been lying to me for the past 3 months about credit cards. I was wondering where his money was all going to and while I was cleaning our bedroom I found a bunch of credit card statements on top of our entertainment center. We are usually so honest with one another and this is the first major thing he had lied to me about...I am stunned he kept this from me and lied about where the money was going. He says he was paying his father's land payments, because his father is helping my husband's no good sister out. I care for his family, but now we are in debt and we are having extreme problems paying our bills. What am I to think about his actions and his father's, because his dad had to have known we didn't have the money at the time to pay his land payments. I have already talked to him and forgave him...and we have cut up the credit cards, but I'm still so hurt about the whole situation. What would you do or would have done in this situation?
2007-07-02 17:15:20 · 20 answers · asked by Mrs. CT 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's over $500 dollars a month in bills!!!
2007-07-02 20:39:07 · update #1
This is a difficult situation. From what I'm hearing, a revamping of the relationship needs to be done. A husband and wife are a single unit. In order to be a single unit, each member must put the other first and foremost, above all others in his/her life. So, hiding financial stuff is one thing, but hiding it b/c he's helping his family is another. He is saying to you: Honey, I love you, but not enough to put aside all others to do what's best for us. He must reprioritise his relationships before any progress can be made. That being said, you MUST lay down the law and make sure that money is repaid and that it never happens again (make sure to make this clear to your husband AND the other family members). Your relationship will be just fine if you can resolve this and bounce back to a healthy status. Best of luck, and I will be praying for you.
2007-07-02 17:22:10 · answer #1 · answered by decvbride 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have only been married 3 weeks and he is already lying to you and keeping secrets? Not good. It is tough to stay married to someone you don't trust. He is going to have to work very hard to regain your trust. If he didn't tell you because he thought you would get mad, that isn't a good excuse, especially since your paying the bills too. Perhaps he was afraid you would have some common sense and say NO.
I would also get a credit report for both of you to be sure all the accounts are closed and get a more accurate total of what is due. Now that you know about the debt he shouldn't object.
Don't take it out on your father-in-law. I'm sure your husband didn't say "I can't afford this", and he probably told him that he will help out and told him it wouldn't be a problem. No reason you and your father-in-law should go into debt for your sister-in-law.
2007-07-03 00:43:50 · answer #2 · answered by extremepms 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your husband came clean about this debt. He is trying to help his family. It probably started before you were married. It is his family. if it was your family you would try to help. Explain that you two cannot afford to keep doing this. Cut back and try to save money. Cut up your credit cards and just try to get a handle on this debt. Look at your income and come up with a solution. It looks like you married a very caring man. I hope you can work on this.
2007-07-03 10:22:03 · answer #3 · answered by krazyslick 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't right for him to hide these bills from you. You did the best thing( cutting the credit cards up). I'm sure you love your husband forgive him & work on this together. I'm not allowed to buy anything big without talking to my husband & vice versa. A agreement like this might work well in your marriage as well. Good luck.
2007-07-03 00:43:49 · answer #4 · answered by redneckcowgirlmo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi! first try get Analise your husbands mistake where have he gone wrong sit with him make him understand the problem. speak to him more sit with him with a cup of coffee not tea. Make him understand about the situation that is and tell him about both of your future plan. Get him realize the worth of money. The best time when a woman can demand from her husband is during the bed time when they are realty together for each other. Pray god and dont loose hope have patient. Work with cool head never get angry. God is always with you. My best wishes are always with you.
Before doing anything workout with yourself.
God Bless You.
Best Of Luck for your Happy life.
If possible do try in life with this.
2007-07-03 00:36:29 · answer #5 · answered by Deep 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
when it financial, he should of told you I agree, but sometimes its hard to do so. I handle the finances in my household. I make the budget, determine what we can/can't afford, etc. When we started having problems with money, i thought it would be okay I could fix it myself, no need to worry my husband, but then it got so bad i was getting shut off notices in the middle of winter! I had to tell him, and it wasn't easy, but I guess maybe i'm just trying to say he may have thought he could handle it, and then it got out of control.
Now we talk about how much the paycheck is, what needs to come out in bills, what i spent on groceries, etc. I break everything down so that if he asks, I can account for every penny.
2007-07-03 00:41:05 · answer #6 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would be upset that he didnt talk to me first about it.
You are married now s alot of the decisions are to be made together and not just by one person, so i would point that out.
Also maybe it was a pride thing on your father in law and hubbys part, no man wants to ask for help let alone admit defeat.
Just get them alone and tell them that you are willing to help in anyway that you can, but you cant lie and hide it from you as its only going to cause problems in your marriage.
Good Luck
2007-07-03 00:26:16 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a rather tough one to answer. Trust is very important in a marriage and your husband violated your trust. The best advice I can give if you haven't already, is to invite God into your life and your marriage. It will take a lot of prayer and a lot of love for him to regain your trust. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace and God bless.
2007-07-03 00:44:14 · answer #8 · answered by cave man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have done just what you did and probably feel the same way but I would work on my marriage. I would try to make my husband understand that he could come to me and speak to me about things so that we could make important decisions like these together.
2007-07-03 00:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by *Pretty In Pink* 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would've been pissed! I mean hello didn't wedding vows mean anything? He should've just been honest with you in the first place. Maybe you should ask him why he couldn't tell you? Why was it such a big deal that he couldn't tell you? I'd ask him that. I would have confronted him in the very beginning when you first suspected something about the money.
2007-07-03 00:24:44 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋