even though he hasn't had any communication with her for over 25 years when she contacted him 3 weeks ago via the internet my space...he has been online with her every waking moment....and tells me he needs to pursue a relationship with her because she was his his soul mate. he tells me he is sorry he is hurting me...but he needs to do this for him. he expects me to stand by until he decides if there is chance to renew their relationship. she is also married with kids and lives out of town. should i give him some space and see if he comes to his senses.....because i still love him very much...or should i throw him out and not wait to see if he chooses to stay with me and the kids. he has asked me to give him til the end of july to make up his mind.
2007-07-02 16:39:44 · 28 answers · asked by heartbroken 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yikes. Sounds like your husband is being a little flakey right now.
His first wife must really have something lacking in her current marriage to try to pursue a relationship with her ex-husband via the internet. Perhaps he should remember that people change a lot over 25 years...he's considering throwing away his marriage for some memories and internet conversation. He might be surprised to find out that the rush of feelings he's experiencing now might not hold up upon seeing her in person again. (Not to mention the ethical considerations of her initiating contact with him when she's married w/kids and he's also married w/kids - how could he ever really trust her?)
That just sounds so...crazy. (I hate to say it, but that's the only word that seemed appropriate here!) I have to tell you that I'd be seriously tempted to either tell him that he has to decide immediately and stop wasting your time, or else just dumping him completely thus eliminating the need for a "decision" on his part. Of course, that's easier said than done when there are children involved. At a minimum, I think you should insist on counseling for the two of you...now, not at the end of July. Whatever scenario happens (you dump him, he dumps you, or you guys try to get past this), counseling will ultimately be of benefit to you anyhow...might as well get the ball rolling now.
Good luck, and I'm sorry you (and your children) are having to deal with this. :(
2007-07-02 16:50:39 · answer #1 · answered by sarah314 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a week to move out. Not only is he disrespecting you but he is disrespecting your children. Don't stand for it.
If he decides to come back, you may want to consider taking him back for the entire family's sake. If so, get some counseling, don;t just let him back in. If he decides he is not coming back, get yourself a GOOD divorce attorney and get him for everything you can. You have proof that he has ruined the marriage and depending on your state, that can mean a lot. It will definitely show that your kids should stay with you and not some love sick man who is idolizing some other woman and what could have been. Good luck!
2007-07-02 16:46:14 · answer #2 · answered by Keep on Truckin' 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I won't tell you what to do but I know what I would do. 7 yrs is a long time to give up on but the fact that he thinks you will give him till the end of July to make up his mind. No I would insist he make it up sooner. I would remind him that there was a reason they split in the first place and I would tell him to choose now. That is what I would do but than I do not share people and do not play waiting games when it comes to love either he does or he doesn't he is committed or not and does not need till July to figure this out I have to come first not second or "if it doesn't work out" me all or nothing
2007-07-02 16:45:09 · answer #3 · answered by 'lil peanut 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've heard it all now. Oh sure, honey, go on sleep with your wife until you remember why you got divorced in the first place. I'll just be here waiting, me and the kids, like second class citizens. Just waiting for whatever crumbs you may throw us. What if it takes him 10 years to make up his mind? Give me a break, he's already done that by telling you that he loves her again. Get a back bone, pack his s**t up and throw him out. File for a divorce and for child support, try for alimony and see how attractive she finds him when he's not taken and broke to boot.
2007-07-02 19:51:50 · answer #4 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd be going to see a lawyer and seek a legal seperation. It will protect you and the kids and give you time to think about everything. If you do decide to give him a second chance go from there. I wouldn't want to be the one sitting at home while my guy was off having who knows what kind of relationship. He may only want to see this woman again, but it's not right since he is married to you. Don't make his leaving you easy on him.
2007-07-02 17:04:27 · answer #5 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about what made you fall in love with your husband in the first place and go from there. Reminiscing about the old days sometimes bring back those feelings that are lost. Leave the kids with a babysitter and go out for the night, have dinner, go to a movie that you both would love to see, then have a rendezvous at a hotel, if all else fails, seek counseling.
2016-05-17 05:22:00 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you should give him the option. I think you should decide whats more important, staying with this man, or letting go. I think he also needs counseling. Maybe he is not in love with her, maybe hes in love with you, and just confused since she contacted him. I was married for 5 years and am now remarried, and i still love my exhusband with all my heart, but to be in love and to love, well, those are two very different things. No one can replace someones first true love, and that truth may hurt, but its something that noone can help, or change for that matter. My advice to you is for you and your husband to get counseling, together, and seperatly. I think you will find more truth there. Its easier for someone on the outside to help, than it is for someone whos close to you, because they will be less eager to take sides, and more eager to look at the whole picture. Good luck with your stained marriage, i know i wish my exhusband would have given counseling a chance.
2007-07-02 16:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by cocosheart56 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you a doormat? Do you have a means of support without him? Give him 24 hours to get his act together; he will think better away from the family home. See a lawyer ASAP; you can always decide that yu won't go through with the divorce and take him back. Definitely need to get counseling.
2007-07-02 16:47:42 · answer #8 · answered by M S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Gosh. He is needs to start trying to be a man bc right now he is being immature husband and father. So he is saying that all this time, he was in love with her? Girlfriend, this man is not for you. He is willing to just throw you away like that? He is taking you for granted. But give him time and let him make a decision. But don't just sit there, make yours too.
Quite honestly, I would throw him out. I know you still love him, but if he makes his decision to stay, how would you get over this?...knowing that he was doing this. You need to get past him and move on. You know if he is choosing you, it is not you he is choosing. He is just choosing not to be with her. Are you going to let him sit there and let him choose??
2007-07-02 17:20:25 · answer #9 · answered by Samster 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no such thing as soul mates just people who love each other. You are his wife NOW not later. If she was his soul mate they never would have gotten divorced in the first place. You are his mate now and if he wants to go back to her you tell him now that there is no coming back to you. I know you love him but you need to love yourself and your kids more. He is getting old and he wants to know if he still has it. So she is the safest bet to cheat with. Tell him NO...a marriage is not just about one person. Make him tell your kids what he is planning to do because it is about them too.
Stay strong.
2007-07-02 16:48:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋