I have been married for a little over 3 yrs. I had known my husband for only 3 months before we got married. I had just broken up with my ex 3 months prior to that. I have secretly always kept in touch with my ex since I been married because we were friends and I loved him. He was just not moving fast enough and I jumped on the first boat coming. Since this marriage I have had numerous of arguements, physical abuse (even in front of his parents, flipped me on my face), I have left 3 times but being foolish saying this is my marriage and wanted to make it work and trying to be all that I can be in Gods eyes and stay. I have been unhappy since the first time he put his hands on me it has not been the same for me. I had talk to other men because of my unhappiness but nothing pass just chatting online. This was a 1 ago. When I forget something he says that I am stupid and I don't think. I never think. I rather not talk to him. anything I say he takes it wrong or he down grades me.
2007-07-02 15:54:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that I am still in love with my ex. If I was to leave my marriage I would feel like it wasn't a marriage but just a boyfriend I was with for a while because nothing has been happy in it for me. Opinions.
2007-07-02 15:56:41 · update #1
I think you already know what you should do and you are just looking for someone to agree with you. Well sweetheart, get out of that. If he is abusive that was your first clue, if you have been secretly talking to your ex that is your second. I would remove myself from the situation and take some time for you. Remember who you are and discover what you want out of life. Good luck
2007-07-02 16:03:19 · answer #1 · answered by taz19953369 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all ladies PLEASE stop using GOD and/or children as an excuse to stay in these relationships. STATUS & being impatient to see what GOD had in store for you is what got you in this mess, as well as trying to make your ex change his mind once he saw someone else would marry you. You know how GOD feels about marriage & the sanctity of it when you jumped into something, so don't use him as a crutch to try to validate something you know isn't right. You know that GOD loves you & he does NOT want to see one of his children abused.
You've been emotionally, mentally & prorbably even physically cheating on your husband the whole time so please leave GOD out of this. If a man doesn't care about abusing in front of his own parents, then he sure won't care about taking your life. You used & played him & all though I do not condone abuse, a failed marriage is nothing but karma. You need counseling before you get with anyone else, because something is missing in your life where you just gotta have men validating you. From jumping into this marriage to being online, girl you got issues for real
2007-07-02 23:26:36 · answer #2 · answered by KayleeMom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think that you really need to hear any particular advise, you simpoly want confirmation that your thoughts are correct. Speaking from experience, PLEASE get out while you can. I was in a relationship, not marriage with a male who periodically hit, choked, and verbally abused me. I continued to tell myself that I was in his life for a reason and that the love that we had for one another was going to help conquer the abuse!!! Let me be the one to tell you that things do not change with time. Most men that are abusive are that way as a result of some issue that thye need to deal with. If they are not willing to seek the needed help, they are no good for themself, or any other individual. I hope that you go with your gut instinct and move on- things may seem ruff initially but after the storm there will be sunshine- I wish you the BEST of LUCK!!!
2007-07-02 23:16:43 · answer #3 · answered by Who-Me?? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say you should leave. You must know in your heart that he is not going to change; it will only get worse for you. But I also think it would be a mistake to run straight back into the arms of your ex or any other man for that matter. What you need is some time alone to develop some confidence and build a life for yourself that you can be proud of. Then when the losers come knockin' (and they will) they will be easy for you to spot. Good luck!
2007-07-03 00:01:09 · answer #4 · answered by Skeeter 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went through the same exact thing and in the same amount of time also. you know you are unhappy and you can get an easy, free divorce from AVDA the same way i did. i am now friends with my exboyfriend again but thinking about the way i felt with my exboyfriend and knowing it'll never be that way with this abusive husband I suddenly realized i was through and left one day. it took a year and a half and alot of will power to leave because i was scared and he had three kids i took care of by myself that he was also abusive towards, but i did it and you can to. I'll even help you figure out how if you want just email me.
2007-07-03 02:32:12 · answer #5 · answered by *Leila* 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You got married on the rebound, and probably to make your ex jealous.
Keeping secrets is very damaging to a marriage and sounds like you've always tried to keep a back-up man.
I hate that your husband has abused you, you don't have to take his abuse...stand up for yourself.
And remember that another man isn't always the right answer or solution.
2007-07-02 23:18:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. I put up with that crap with my exhusband for three years. First you need to get out of that relationship since he is abusive. Second if your not inlove with him and you are inlove with your ex, than the answer is right in front of you. You are not happy and he is an ***, so just end it. Who cares if an abusive marriage feels only like a boyfriend/ girlfriend thing. Its not worth it. good luck.
2007-07-02 23:59:36 · answer #7 · answered by cowboy_fan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should go. Obviously you are not happy, why would you stay where you were not happy? You only get one life, go and make yourself happy. If you still love your ex, then (after you break it off completely with your husband..don't be a cheater or anything) go and try again with him, maybe he was meant to be? or maybe there is someone out there who will make you really happy!
2007-07-02 23:06:53 · answer #8 · answered by Andrea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely go! Physical abuse always escalates to more violence. I'm not sure about how you can be all you can be in God's eyes by tolerating violence. You need to go see a christian counselor or a pastor and get a better picture of God's word. Take care of yourself.
2007-07-02 23:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get real with yourself and then make a judgment that applies to your marriage!
If you think your marriage can go the distance then dump other man because sharing your affections will do nothing but destroy your self steam!
2007-07-02 23:12:19 · answer #10 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋