once a cheater always a cheater???

Question

is there any way to convince someone you love this isn't true??? i cheated on my ex with his brother and after he decided to work things out with me but nothing has worked since. Mind you, he cheated on my first and our relationship was at a very weak point when this happened....not that it was right. Anyways, i feel horrible still and i know i still love him although we've been apart for a year now...i just miss him. We have a child together so he is still very much in my life...how can i show him i'm sorry and made a HUGE mistake?? is there a way?? i'm not saying i want to be back (although at some point i might) with him because we both caused one another immense pain...i just want him to know that ive changed and that even when that did happen i loved him....i was just trying to get revenge i guess....sounds horrible but it's the truth. anyways, is there a way to make it right????

yes i know how it seems...he caused me alot of pain and i was in a bad state of mind during that time...i regret it wholeheartedly....and i have changed...you can say what you want about my character....it was a horrible mistake....i'm just trying to make things right.

oh and it happened once, it wasn't an ongoing thing

Answer 1

Wow...I guess everyone has a story....

I suggest you try to talk with him sometime and ask him if he still has feelings for you and would like to try to work things out. That is, if indeed, you do. Otherwise, if all you want to do is feel better about yourself, maybe you should just channel your energies into trying to be the best Mom you can be and possibly give back to the community in some way. Stop thinking about the past and what you did wrong and affirm to yourself that you will be a better person from now on. Maybe God will reward you with a true love that isn't warped by arguing, affairs, and revenge. It could happen.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Well, lets hope he doesnt ask questions on here, because that stupid saying seems to rear it's ugly head a lot of here.....It's not true....everything revolves around the love and commitment you both have for each other and how hard you are both prepared to work on your relationship....that is what will determine if a person will cheat again.

Maybe you need to remind the man you love that you didnt cheat because the relationship was state...you cheated because you were hurt. Revenge isnt nice...but neither is being hurt....and really when you try to revenge someone all you are doing is trying to make them feel the pain that you felt. While I understand exactly why you did it, I make no excuses for you and neither do you it seems. We all have choices, you just made a bad one when you chose to sleep with his brother. You said you and he have been separated for a year....but he is still very much in your life. Does he still love you? If he still loves you then there is always hope and he will want to work it out with you. If he has moved on, then I'm afraid maybe thats what you need to do too. Have you been seeing other men while the two of you have been separated? Maybe he is waiting to see just how loyal you are. Maybe when the time is right he will want to work it out with you. I'm sure if he is still very much in your life you would have many opportunites to have conversations with him. When the time is right....just tell him that you love him and you are sorry....dont get into any arguements....just tell him that at every opportunity. Maybe if you keep on telling him the same thing he will understand that you are serious. Ask him out on a date.....start from the beginning. Put the stuff of the past where it belongs. Dont allow your guilt to consume you because it will change the way you react with him. Be light with him, go for a few drinks.....a nightclub maybe....just dont get too serious to begin with.....let the both of you get to know each other again....be open to the things that attracted you to each other in the first place.

I hope it works out for you.

Answer 3

All you can do is tell him how you truly feel.
Let him know that you still, and probably always will, regret what you did to him.

I think alot of times once we mature, we look back and have some regrets of what we did while we were still immature.

But I also feel we learn from our mistakes.
And that's what makes us the person we are.

My way of looking at it is this:
if it happened once (and you are able to work through it) that could have been a mistake, which you will never make again.

But if it happens again, then it's more so a trait that will probably happen again and again.

We have to learn to forgive others because we make mistakes ourselves and we want to be forgiven. But as long as you learn from those mistakes, then that's when it can be forgotten.

Sometimes the hurt we inflict on others don't go away as fast (or if at all) as we would like.
It all depends on how that other person feels and how they want to deal with it.

Once you talk to him, all you can do is sit back and wait to see what happens.
Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Just show him that you have changed. When he comes to visit your child, give him a big happy and welcoming smile. Then talk to him in an open friendly way as if you don't remember what happened between you in the past, that way you sort of get his attention and he might start responding in the same manner as you do. That could be a good start to a good conversation. What is important is to listen attentively to what he says, like focusing your mind and all just at him. In time, he will notice you again and perhaps, will stay for much longer each time he comes and visits. Just remember to be pleasant to him at all times.

Answer 5

If the person you cheated on him with was anyone other than his brother I would say that if you love him, put all of your energy into making him understand, and that eventually if he feels the same way he would reciprocate. Especially as he also was unfaithful, so it would be hypocritical of him not too. However, every time He sees his brother he will be reminded of your infidelity, and even over time that would hurt. My best advice would be to walk away now, at least you you are wiser for the experience.

Answer 6

You seem to be thoroughly confused.

You want to convince him that you've changed, yet you don't want to be with him...no...wait...maybe in the future.

Yes, there is a way to make your life right. Move on by keeping yourself busy (school, work, hobbies) and surrounding yourself with people who display a positive attitude about life.

If you continue to long for the past (which was full of hurt and mistrust), you'll continue to live in the past. Grow up and move on...you don't need to prove to anyone that you've changed. Create a positive atmosphere for your child(ren) so that they will have the necessary tools to produce loving and faithful relationships.

The word 'love' is always thrown around to justify bad decisions in life. It never corrects the free-will to choose badly.

Answer 7

The fact that you cheated with your ex's brother says a lot about your character, regardless of what your relationship was like with your ex. It's one thing to try and hide it by seeing someone in a different city that no one knows, incredible.

Answer 8

I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater but I do believe if you cheat on a certain person once you will cheat on that person again. If you are with someone you truly love with all your heart and soul, you won't cheat on that person, ever, no matter what.

Answer 9

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but i think for most guys they believe this. Even if it is forgiven, it does change the way they feel about her. Extremely hard for a guy to truly forgive and forget cheating.

Answer 10

Some things just can't be undone.
Like frying an egg, or killing someone, or totally betraying someone.
Even if he forgives you, and forgets it mostly, his feelings for you may be changed forever.
He may never be able to love you again.

Bonnie Raitt said it best in "I Can’t Make You Love Me"

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, dont patronize - dont patronize me

Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you dont

Ill close my eyes, then I wont see
The love you dont feel when youre holding me
Morning will come and Ill do whats right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
Chorus: cause I cant make you love me if you dont
You cant make your heart feel something it wont
Here in the dark, in these lonely hours
I will lay down my heart and Ill feel the power
But you wont, no you wont
cause I cant make you love me, if you dont