I have good relations with both ex-husbands - during both divorces, we were able to effectively communicate our pain and happiness during and after the marriage. Forgiveness has been given on both sides, in both marriages/divorces - but still - I'm frightened. Anyone with experience in this matter is more than welcome to respond!
2007-07-02 14:02:34 · 14 answers · asked by kkinak 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The good news is, you seem to be good at breakups! :)
Just kidding, but really... this is a good sign. You're a good communicator, you don't hold grudges. It sounds like you have the qualities for a successful marriage. Just don't get married too soon next time. Were your past marriages soon after you knew them? Just think, you're older and wiser now and you should be much better at this. Keep the faith.
2007-07-02 14:16:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is hope, trust me, but I understand your fear. This is my 3rd marriage and my wife's 3rd as well so we've both been where you are now. I had given up on relationships and was just surviving instead of really living. My now wife had been single for 10 years and worked 70 hours a week. So needless to say, we were both pretty much resigned to the fact that we weren't meant to be in a relationship. We met through my sister. We became good friends and stayed that way for a couple of months and then it developed into much more. We've been together for 6 years now and married for 3 yrs. I am the happiest I've ever been in my life and we have a great relationship and we are best friends. So, yes, there is a lot of hope for you! If it could happen for the 2 of us, it can certainly happen for you. Just try to look at each man as an individual and spend time getting to know them before getting too involved. Don't be afraid to open yourself back up when you feel the time is right and you will know. Good luck to you! I hope our story helped you feel better.
2007-07-02 21:43:17 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was abused in my marriage and though I would like to be committed to someone on paper - the thought of it is still too scary even 15 years later. My man is going through a divorce and won't be ready for a long time - but if I ever got married to him, he would have to do a lot of convincing!!!
If it were me, I would really look at the reasons and benefits I want to get married again. Now that you know it doesn't insure lifetime security and happiness, what are the reasons you want to be married again? how do you think it would benefit you? Is is possible to have a close lifetime relationship with someone you aren't married to?
Also - look at the reasons you got divorced - what if they came up again? How would you handle them differently so that they didn't lead to divorce?
2007-07-02 21:10:09 · answer #3 · answered by beach 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am exactly where you are but I'm not one bit afraid of another failure. I have learned enormously from my 2 marriages/divorces, I have grown into a very confident/independent woman. Sometimes I even think I have become too hard and not enough lenient. I know now how to make the difference between a genuine man and a fake one and I can smell a fake one miles before he gets to me!
I do not see my marriages as failures....I see them as life experience changing me into a very smart women.
2007-07-02 21:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you divorce once there's a 50% chance it was the other persons fault. If you divorce again there's a 75% chance that you are the problem. If you're willing to accept that and change yourself you could certainly succeed the 3rd time.
2007-07-03 02:18:36 · answer #5 · answered by atomzer0 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm no expert since I appear to be heading for my 2nd divorce, but I don't let that word "marriage" frighten me. I do not fear doing marriage again. I fear not finding the right woman to do it with that will make me feel complete and I complete her.
2007-07-02 21:18:37 · answer #6 · answered by Quandry 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've found that after a couple of failures to launch, it's good to sit down and work out why you got married, what you had hoped would happen when you did, and why it didn't succeed. Then change what you can, make peace with yourself, and wait. If the opportunity comes again, you'll know what you need.
2007-07-02 21:07:32 · answer #7 · answered by Jess 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hon there is nothing to be scared of you have to take risk to live or its not worth living. My 1st husband cheated on me repeatedly. My second abused me to the point I totally lost my self. I finally figured out life was to short to live like that and got out. Now I am on my 3rd and he is all my wants,needs and dreams. It was worth all the he*l I went through just to wake up to his wonderful smile everyday. So please dont give up hope hang in there and take the risk. It could be your soul mate and the happiness you find will be worth it all.
2007-07-02 21:09:18 · answer #8 · answered by lyttledarlin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to think very carefully why your previous marriages did not work and see what you can do in yourself and when you are with a new person.
2007-07-02 21:07:30 · answer #9 · answered by race_car_bed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about just relax and enjoy life. Learn to enjoy your own company! Smiles... Being alone does not mean lonely! God bless****
2007-07-02 21:15:47 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋