I have not had sex with my husband in almost 3 years. i just dont find him attractive. We moved to an area over 2 years ago to maybe fix our marriage, and its still the same. he is not there emotionally. i have fallen in love with another man for 8 months. we have two children together. we have been together almost 9 years married more than 6. only reason we are married because i got pregnant. should i stay just for the kids? and know my soulmate is out there. i just cant see ruining my kids life. should i leave him or put up with it the rest of my life? ive told him before how i feel and he doesnt do anything about and he acts like our marriage is fine. he doesnt do anything like hold the door open and he doesnt help when i carry things. the guy ive been seeing has given me flowers more than my husband ever has. What should i do?
2007-07-02 13:57:03 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Should you stay?? Of course not. You have already ruined your husband's life & your kids. What are you waiting for now? Get out, let your husband be the respectable, good man he is & have him keep the kids. He is the stable one.
You go have fun now!
2007-07-02 14:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a real delicate situation since there are children. I have been through the same situation except my ex was abusive. Never stay married or together just for the children. If your children see that yall all together even though yall don't want to be together, they are going to see that yall are never happy. Now tell me, do you really think they can't understand that? I understand you say you are seeing someone, but you also say you have not had sex with your husband in almost 3 years which leaves me to think that maybe he to is cheating. I believe you must try everything to make your marriage work. I am a christian and my first marriage my husband beat me, made me have a misscarriage,cheated on me, wasted all of our money on drugs and alcohol, and even set my house on fire thinking me and our children we were in it. That was where I drew the line. I didn't want my children to see that it was RIGHT to have someone hit you or to hit someone along with everything else my ex was doing. If your husband is a good man then you need to give him a chance. Pray about it. Try marriage counsiling. And stop the affair. When you are trying to make an inportant decision in your life you need to only involve you, your husband, your children and GOD. Threre is a really wonderful prayer line right here on the web at ksbj.org. And if you turn your radio to 89.3fm you might find something on there that will really help. But now if your husband doesn't want to be married any more then you should sit down and have along talk with your children and tell them everything. Coming from a broken home, I hated my mom till I was 20 for splitting from my dad without trying. My mom just left and went with another man. And if yall do split than please don't introduce another man into their life so soon. Think about them before your self and PRAY. I will pray for you as well for guidecne and patientnce through this difficult time. My prayers are with you.
2007-07-02 14:26:21 · answer #2 · answered by Christina G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you want to stay together, because you don't want to ruin your children's life. Well, you are ruining your children's life. They're watching the way their parents are treating each other. The way you and your husband are disrespecting each other is probably hurting them already.
You cannot stay with someone that you do not love and you cannot CHEAT on your husband! What the hell is the matter with you? You act like your not doing anything wrong. Your children are suffering, because you obviously don't know how to solve a problem.
Eventually your problem will only get worse and payback is gonna be a b i t c h.
Either fix the marriage or get a divorce. Just solve the damn problem!
2007-07-02 14:15:14 · answer #3 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really should think about your happiness. Just like you deserve to be happy your husband also deserves it and it seems like he is not ok with your marriage. Most people would tell you to stay together for the kids but I really don't think that's a good idea because they probably are already experiencing the stress and pressure off the two of you don't getting along, believe me, children can sense that and it's frustrating. So think this really well before making a decision. I recommend that if you decide to divorce try to give yourself a little space and not to run immediately to this other guy arms
2007-07-02 14:08:08 · answer #4 · answered by tats 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you try putting as much time and energy into your husband, your marriage, your family as you are with this "new man" of course you think you are in love. You are getting the attention you were obviously lacking. Have you thought about speaking with your husband? Maybe consider some counseling to assist the two of you through this rough spot. You are a married woman. What have you done to try and work on the marriage besides go out and full fill your needs somewhere else? Perhaps if you put as much time and energy into dating your husband as you are sneaking to date this "new man" you would have everything you need at home... Good luck and God bless****
2007-07-02 14:05:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Staying together for the sake of the children is not a healthy thing to do.Parents set examples for their children.If you continue to be miserable in this marriage,they will grow up to think this is how a normal marriage is.and never have a healthy relationship.Talk to your husband about getting counseling.There is definitely a problem here that needs to be resolved,one way or another.Sounds to me like he want a mother figure.You already have two kids,you don't need another child.You need a loving husband.Go with your heart on this one.
2007-07-02 14:12:22 · answer #6 · answered by ladybug 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(kudos to mary i...that was funny.)
Forgive me, but you sound a little immature. If love was measured by flowers and chivalry (like opening doors) then no one would be married. My husband was opening doors and buying me flowers in month 8 too - its called NEW LOVE baby.
My advice would be to grow up, get mature about your role in the state of your marriage and ask your husband if he will go to counseling with you. You've made the worst mistake of turning outside of the marriage to make yourself feel better. Your husband hasn't done that right? Sounds like to me you need to stop making him out to be so evil and take a look in the mirror and see why he may have a hard time emotionally connecting with you!
You owe it to your children to seek counseling and try to define what love truly is, instead of some movie version you seem to think it is.
2007-07-02 14:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're having an affair, you have no business being married. If you're going to stay married, end the affair. You have to know that it's wrong. If you're in love with someone else, divorce. Don't drag this out. You have to set an example for your children. Lying and cheating is not a very good example, is it? Be responsible and honest. Do the right thing.
2007-07-02 14:04:20 · answer #8 · answered by Comancheria 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly if u are not happy ur children will not be happy ...my parents stayed together to long and me and my 2 lil sis were so happy that they devorced ..i think i was 12 when they finally devorced ..now im 25 and i still think that their devorce was the greatest thing that could happen to them,,,my mom is a wonderful relationship to a man that treats her the way she should b treated and she is more full of life and happier than ever and im ever so greatful for that..so what makes u happy will help ur children...i know marriage is supposed to b a sacred thing but if ur not in love with that person dont deny u and the other mate of findin true love and happiness...
2007-07-02 14:34:00 · answer #9 · answered by lil country gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your kids ALWAYS COME FIRST even over your good time!
I suggest you stop seeing this guy until you make a choice for yourself and the good of your family!
If you decide that a DIVORCE is the only way be there for your kids alone and wait for a year before dating!
In other word your soul mate is going to have to look else ware for his good time!
2007-07-02 14:06:06 · answer #10 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋