When I was twenty-eight, I met the girl of my dreams, and we married. She died five years ago (after we had been married for four years). I am still in contact with her parents, though very loosely (a Christmas card once a year, occaisonally a short letter). I recently met a woman, and we started a relationship. We just found out that she was pregnant, and would like to marry. Should I tell my first wife's parents? If so, how? I still love her very much, and I don't want to look like I've forgotten her - I'm afraid that, to them, it'll look like I'm casting her memory aside. Thank you very much for your answers.
2007-07-02 13:42:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I haven't actually told them that I have a girlfriend...
2007-07-02 13:48:05 · update #1
Dawnb: I have no children from my first marriage.
2007-07-02 13:58:58 · update #2
It's better to come clean and tell them. Best would be if you did this in person. Give them a call or visit them. They will appreciate your honesty.
Plus, it seems that you and their daughter were very happy together...so seeing her happy with you certainly meant a lot to them. You gave her the gift of happiness.
If you tell them in person, they will understand and appreciate that you still care enough to share your life with them. It's been 5 years and they definitely expect you to move on at some point. And, my guess is, that they will be happy for you that you found someone who truly cares about you.
Also, think about how you want to handle future contact with them after you're married. If your new wife is OK with this at all, then it would be a nice gesture if you continued the same type of contact with them that you have now. Just out of courtesy. That would be something that would be very generous by both of you.
...and congrats on the baby!!!
2007-07-02 14:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't mention children from your marriage. If you had children with your deceased wife, of course, you should be respectful and tell them. But given that you were so in love with her, wouldn't it still even without children be respectful to tell them that you are trying to move on and be happy. Five years is a very respectful time to remarry and if you have continued contact, I'm sure they would be pleased for you. A personal phone call would be the only way to handle this. They surely know how much you loved their daughter and what you all went through with her death.
2007-07-02 13:53:06 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are keeping in touch, I would tell them. A call or a card before the wedding invites go out. Let them know that you still love their daughter and have not forgotten her, but that you know she would have wanted you to be happy and that you are getting remarried.
Most likely, they cared for you as a son in law and will be pleased that you aren't alone and unhappy.
I will say only one word of caution. Its not a good idea to marry this lady just because she is pregnant. You can be a father and supportive to her without marriage, if need be. Make sure you are marrying because you love this woman and know that you will have a happy life togehter.
I married because I was pregnant and I thought it was the right thing to do. It didn't work out well and I spent years miserable before we divorced. The kids were also unhappy because we adults were. I married the second time because I loved him and he was a good choice for mate and father. Its been wonderful.
If you love this woman and she is pregnant, so you decided to marry, thats ok and I wish you two a happy life together and a healthy baby.
2007-07-02 13:52:18 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Aww...
I'm so sorry for your loss and happy that you have found love again.
I'm sure your in-laws will be happy for you too, and I think you should inform them. Just call them up, ask them how they're doing, talk about general things. When they ask how you are doing, say that you've actually been dating a girl for a while and are now engaged. They may not know what to say at first, but I'm sure they'll be very happy for you and say that you'll make a wonderful husband.
Tell them; they'll be hurt if you wait until the next Christmas card.
2007-07-02 13:56:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should tell them. A nice note maybe referring to the fact you never thought you would find love again after losing
their daughter. Good luck in your new marriage, and it will still be okay to send the former inlaws a Christmas card every year. My brother died 7 years ago, and I would be thrilled if his wife found someone new. I would hope that
she would still be a part of my life, even just a Christmas card connection.
2007-07-02 16:39:17 · answer #5 · answered by M S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's probably better that you tell them rather than they find out from someone else. Having said that, how you tell them might just depend on the kind of relationship you have with them. Since it does seem pretty distant, be respectful and tactful whether you tell them in person or over the phone, and perhaps writing a letter would be a way to get your thoughts on paper in a way that most accurately describes how you feel. Having done that they should respect you and understand that you need to move on with life.
2007-07-02 13:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by KRD1979 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you normally converse only by holiday cards, or by short letter, then I think that is the time to tell them, just normally, and not making a big deal out of it. Sure it will be after the fact if it's a holiday card, but why does that matter...
calling them up will only highlight that you are able to marry again only because their daughter has passed.
2007-07-02 13:48:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm very sorry for your loss. But, I really think your in-laws will be fine with it. In fact, they will probably be happy for you that you have fund someone to love again. I'm sure they didn't expect you to stay alone forever. I do think you should tell them. Give them a call, or take them to dinner if they live close enough. Even invite them to the wedding if you are comfortable with that.
If for some reason they do get upset... well... that would be sad. I honestly think they'd be happy for you. Good luck, and congrats on the new baby and have a wonderful marriage my friend!
2007-07-02 13:48:45 · answer #8 · answered by Dolyn 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I thoroughly see the place you're coming from. yet your father's spouse will greater advantageous than probably see it as a snub in case you invite your stepbrother - her son - who isn't on the subject count of you in any respect, different than with the aid of her marriage on your father, and you do not invite her. My opinion is which you will desire to invite her to maintain the peace. With a small, intimate wedding ceremony, as you pronounced, you will see she's there - yet it is that if she attends. there is often the prospect she'll decline. If she does attend, you in basic terms would desire to spend the least quantity of time interacting along with her - thank her for attending - and that's it. you are going to offer different travelers there to greet as properly. Will there be everybody else to boot your 0.5-sister that your father's spouse would recognize? possibly if there are persons she knows of, they're going to shop her "entertained" and she or he would be in a position to not reason too many issues for you. i'm conflict destructive too. i don't even like ringing artwork clientele with undesirable information! yet it fairly is a few thing that regrettably you could desire to handle, and the faster you do it, the greater suitable you will sense.
2016-09-28 23:05:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should, just so they'll know. Just write one of those occasional short letters, and mention it in there if you don't want to call to tell them. They will not think that you're casting aside your wife's memory; and they would want you to have a second chance at happiness. You're still young, and I doubt that they would expect you to live the rest of your life alone and celibate.
2007-07-02 17:27:28 · answer #10 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋