My fiance works in Iraq and makes good money, but has really amassed some debt by over-spending. He owes 3 years worth of back taxes. He has bought two daughters vehicles and himself a truck and a Harley motorcycle. He is trying to get things paid off, but what really bothers me is that he has a daughter that he pays EVERYTHING for her. He has to pay $1,000.00 in child support each month (12,000 a year). Plus he is picking up all her college expenses (around 10,000 a year). He bought her a Jeep Grand Cherokee for 22,000 and continues to pay $1,000 a month on that (12,000 a year). He pays the mortgage on the house where she lives (600.00 a month or 7,200 a year). He picks up all the utility bills (around 250.00 a month or 3,000 a year). So all in all he spends about $44,200 per year on her. Since he is so in debt I have told him that maybe she should pick up some of the costs such as the utility bills, but he doesn't want her to have to do this. What should I do??
2007-07-02 12:42:34 · 31 answers · asked by jrm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow!
First I would suggest you both enroll in classes about budgeting. and learn to get the debt reduced.
Yes if I was in your shoes I would be concerned also. Debt plays a heavy burden in a marriage. Most divorces result because the couple fight so much about money, and say things to cause hurt feelings.
It's wonderful that your man is being the man of his family and accepting his responsibility, but he needs to start leting his daughters pay their own way. NEW cars for children talk about spoiled. I feel sorry for the men there gonna marry, because their gonna have a "GOLD DIGGER" mentality.
Suggest you read a few of the books below. Especially, the one about smart love, Women Power, and His needs, Her needs,
God Bless
2007-07-02 12:51:04 · answer #1 · answered by Sully 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think the amount of debt he's in is the issue to be concerned with if you are truly considering marriage. Since you are concerned with this debt, and more importantly, his "helping out" so much, I think you should instead, ask yourself, if you are on the same page as far as where the money's going; him "helping" his daughter so much, etc. Is this something you can overlook, and be fine with, or is this something that even after you are married is going to continue to bother you. It's important in any relationship, especially a marriage to have somewhat similar values and views, including parenting (even step-parenting) issues. You don't want to get into something that you later regret, or that you may wind up arguing about on a regular basis, that's not a great start to a marriage, or any relationship for that matter.
2007-07-02 13:01:31 · answer #2 · answered by micaremi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you thinking.....don't marry this man. This will be your life and it won't improve since he doesn't want to compromise. His daughter is old enough to buy her own vehicle, pay her own rent and utilities and should be on some college loan program that she will be responsible for paying back after college. And he's funding it all by not paying his taxes and must be maxed on credit. This isn't good on so many levels. Do yourself a favor and fall for someone who is more responsible with money.
2007-07-02 12:50:36 · answer #3 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it bothers you so much-how he helps his daughter out- then don't bother marrying him. It's as simple as that! If his daughter was there before you-she is more important to him than you are. sorry to say it, but if you're going to be a step-mother, don't get involved!! Most father's try to "make up" to their children when there has been a divorce, especially if he wasn't physically there for her when she was younger.
I think you should just think real long about this situation. Honestly, if it bothers you that he is supporting one of his daughters, then don't marry him. If you get in the way, his daughter will hate you, and he may turn on you!!
Good Luck!!
2007-07-02 12:48:28 · answer #4 · answered by babysteppin2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about his overspending. Let him know how you feel and that you to really need to discuss money before you say I do.If you marry with that kind of track record and no plan it will only continue... only, it will continue on your credit and you will get into trouble too. A lot of states consider debt to be community property, so if he left you in a year you would be stuck. Too, If she is old enough to have a mortgage payment she is certainly old enough to pay it. Same goes for that expensive car of hers. If you can't afford it don't buy it. It is time to downsize and let her spread those wings and fly. Best of luck!!
2007-07-02 12:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he pays off his debts. I don't think I would want to enter a relationship so fast with someone who has debts as large as he does. You would be working to pay off his debts and pay for his daughters playthings. He sure isn't teaching them how to be responsible adults in life and how will they manage if something happens to him? Actually, how would YOU manage? You would probably be stuck with all that debt to pay off. ( At least I think so) But if your willing to sacrifice your own happiness for many years of paying debts and going without so his daughters can have all the fine things in life without the satisfaction of knowing how good it feels to work hard for something, then go right ahead. Just think long and hard before you finally decide. Good luck
2007-07-02 13:07:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you marry him, you share everything...including responsibility for the debt. That's a huge issue...keep in mind that if he's treating dear daughter like this now, it won't be ending anytime soon, so are you prepared to deal with that too? Sounds like he has more issues than just a gargantuan debt, and you'd be better off without it.
2007-07-02 12:57:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
More money, more problems....Seems to me that you're going to be in alot of problems if you marry this man. I wouldn't do it. I mean yeah you love him and that's great but theres other consequences that you have to face...especially since he's already got a daughter. Don't marry him think about your future. Since you don't like the idea of him spending all that money on his daughter I think this will eventually lead to a divorce. Don't marry him until he can take care of all the debt that he's in and his daughter finally is able to support herself.
2007-07-02 12:52:12 · answer #8 · answered by ~Mommy*of*3~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a problem with people being in a lot of debt....it say something about their character.
We all have some debt....but when it's out of control you'll be paying the price after you get married.
I would put off getting married until he got this under control.
2007-07-02 12:46:51 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry this man until he has gotten himself out of debt.
Or his debts will affect you. Nice of him to want to provide so well for his child, must be some guilt there that the poor little thing deserves to be treated so well, or else he has no understanding of how much money he makes vs. owes.
Wait; or run.
2007-07-02 17:18:24 · answer #10 · answered by M S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋