my husband kept from me that he had been texting a coworker who likes my husband about our relationship?

Question

i was begining to suspect that my husband was beginging to have feeling for his coworker who liked my husband as more than a friend. I had been warning him and arguing with him for the past week telling him that one thing will lead to another if he does't keep it professional between them and if he had already begun to like her. he kept telling me he had it under control and didn't like her so for me to stop asking him well turns out that i was to late as we were finishing up another arguement about her i asked him if he had her cell number he reached over and grabbed his phone saying yes i do have her number and as he was going to show me he had a message from her saying "hey" at 1130 at night he confessed and said he had been talking (texting) to her during work hours and that he had only gone to her because he wanted advice and to talk to someone. he says he doesn't feel anything for her and though nothing had happend yet (because he got caught just a wk after the lying) had i not?

he admits he was wrong that he shouldn't have kept it from me and says hes willing to stop it and keep it professional between them. but i can't and don't think i'll ever be able to let go the idea that what if he does like her as more than a friend and had i not found out how long would it have lasted? is what bothers me but he says he didn't like her as more than a friend and it hadn't gotten to that point yet. we've made up because of that condition that he will keep it professional but i can't let go of the fact that he wants more with her. but he's not leaving me or our relationship because he either doen't know yet how much he could like her as more than a friend or to spare my feelings? what should i think?

those are my speculations that what if he does want more with her he just can't relize it himself so i had been asking him questions that anybody would ask themselves in that situation. basically i guess i've been asking him in a million different ways if he did like her as more than a friend and he begins to get mad because he thinks im poking and priving after hes already told me he will give her up but i just wanna make sure i tell him. hes not happy about not ever speaking to her again but he says hes willing and wants to because of us because he loves me. but how do i know he really doesn't like her as more than a friend? i can't get it out of my head

Answer 1

Sounds like what i went through and like you i wanted to believe my husband that nothing had happened yet. When a wife feels something is wrong it's usually to late 9 out of 10 men will sleep with a co-worker and by time the wife feels something is up she has lost him to the other woman. My husband started off talking too but she had all the right answers. She made him feel special and isn't that what we all want to feel.Most men who have affairs have a great sex life with their wives and because of this the wife cannot understand why her husband turns to another woman. There could be many reasons why but the number one answer is the feeling of being all alone. He feels he has lost his wife to the kids the house her work her friends etc.etc.Here she comes someone who looks at him the way the wife once did suddenly he starts to feel alive and wanted again. All it would of taken was to talk his feeling over with you and all this could of been avoided but instead he chose to talk to her.Watch your husband very closely for signs. 1) Has he stopped having sex with you on a reg.bases 2) Do you get a lot of hang up calls when he is home but stops when he is out. 3) does he call from work and tell you they want him to work over time. 4) does he say someones car from work has broken down and he told them he will give them a ride to work this is to get out of the house earlier. 5) Spending more money then he use to. 6) Does he start an argument over nothing and storms out of the house. I could go on and on but i think you get it.If i had it to do over again i would go to his work and wait for her to come out and tell her to stop and if not then go to HRS and tell them what is going on and they will put a stop to it for you.I would do my best to get her a s s fired on the spot. Then i would kick her a s s .

Answer 2

I am definitely setting myself up for hate emails but I was in this same situation. What started out as innocent "work hr" texting, continued on to late night texts and finally an ended marriage. While it will never be believed that we didn't cheat while he was married, I was totally inappropriate in sending the late night texts as well as non-business related texts. My point in sharing this is that it is possible that nothing has happened yet but put an end to it now before something does, because it will. I am so sorry you have to deal with this and that there are people out there like me that don't think of the hurt this causes. Good luck

Answer 3

the only person your husband should be discussing your relationship with IS YOU. And I don't care if they don't have a physical relationship yet, what's going on between those two is COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE.
You must be real sore at him and I feel bad for you. Tell him to knock it off, but I don't know if you want to back him into a corner with threats and ultimatums, it's a tough tough situation. The other answerer was right, he's a weakling.

Answer 4

it form of sounds like his coworker is likewise inviting you in on the friendship that's many times a stable sign, until eventually she is a conniving devil which I doubt. i think of shop the door open to this coworker as though she is a buddy on your husband she is likewise extending the hand of friendship to you which of them is the fabulous element to do. the rule of thumb would desire to be oftentimes that they don't spend time on my own without you, is extremely of direction. yet I propose its good judgment that they cant pass out for dinner or ten pin bowling for e.g. Friendships are confusing for husbands and better halves all around, as one in no way knows of for advantageous how close the pals are. in spite of the fact that it form of feels he's likewise been enormously open approximately it too. pass including your gut sense finally and while you're nonetheless unhappy approximately it tell him. possibly ask him to contemplate how he might sense if the shoe replaced into on the different foot. yet all in all, you cant tension human beings to be a undeniable way and it form of sounds like they're being open and honest this far. xoxo

Answer 5

my husband said they were just friends but the texts started happening all hous of the night and to the point he was refering to me as a ***** i think there was more than a friendship going on but had no proof and then he startes erasing the texts that worried me more when id bring it up to him hed tell me i was making more out of it than needed to be needless to say i left our marriage and i know they still are texting once in a while im trying to make my marriage work so im going to ask that i be able to read the texts for myself or im going to ask him to stop it

Answer 6

womens intuition eh!!!! gotta love it because its seldom wrong, he lied, he knows he did and you caught him, you told him not to go there, but he did, idiot. Why are men so stupid when it comes to not crossing " the line ". Its not that they cant see it, of course the do, but the just ignore it to boost their ego's.
He deserves to be in BIG trouble here, you are totally in the right, i dont know what you can do, he has lied, even if he said now that he wont speak, text, whatever to her again, will you be able to believe and trust him???
The texts need to stop, and he needs to prove his devotion to you and only you.

Answer 7

He's lying. If they were only at work text messagers then why would she disrespect him and text him at 1130 p.m. You do the math. don't play yourself. Now that you know, what do you plan to do about it?

Answer 8

Aw come on..this is way too obvious.
I think he likes her attention and doesn't want it to stop. So the real question is do you want to be with a weakling like him??

Answer 9

Then technically he want something more with this broad. Its up to you if you want to stay with him.....he just totally lied to your face....