have a deep fear in life that my dreams and ambitions will never materialize, there to difficult to achieve?

Question

what should i do?
im 30 years old, iam a bpd sufferer, and had psychological problems since 16, ive endured alot of unhappiness and trauma, i live in the uk and om waiting foor therapy..
but what i really desire in life is
to meet a canadian girl or a u.s girlfriend and i would love to move over there and build a new life, with a loving partner.
but i fear this will be to difficult to achieve, and i will never do it....or ill be prevented from doing it because of my history and record....and if this is the case i wont be able to accept that THAT CAN'T happen, and i fear i will terminate myself, because i dont want to stay here in britain living on welfare, i want a brand new life, i wanna better my life, and i wanna move far away from britain, to a warm sunny climate and meet a loving partner, and if that cant happen, resentment & bitterness will eat me up,& i wont be here long, in all my life ive never had a girlfriend or made any friends,& i want these dreams of mine to happen.

Answer 1

When I was super young, I swore to myself
I'd never "sound like" an adult.

I've done 99% in keeping that. I'm well over 35.

In a number of ways, this has been instrumental
in hindering me from advancing toward the
betters which I've had ample opportunity
to breeze into.

Something about the payoff I get when my
boyish charm/nature is rewarded. Of course,
there are a thousand other reasons, but for
this scope, let it suffice.

I'm fortunate to have escaped the depths
of some true, black depression, which
gripped for a solid year and a half in my
early 20's.

So naturally, I empathize. On the one hand,
my aim is to be supportive, but I'm not given
to saying trite things like, hold on, you'll get
through it, and yet, how can I delve into the
specifics in these brief moments and
magically address the equation you're
wrestling with?

I cannot recommend any book higher than
Andrew Solomon's "The Noonday Demon".

That guy takes on AND handles this subject
that you and I and millions of our human
brethren have felt. It took him five years
solid from beginning notes to publish day.

When you ingest its content, you'll marvel
at his wherewithal. To be in the darkness
of perhaps what even Job was famed to
know, and perform the task he had is
near-miraculous.

If you're a reader, even a 7 on a 10-scale,
you'll be all over it. If you're more like a 3
or 4, use it as a specific-issue reference.
Believe me, it's all in there.

There's a multi-page index.

The best part is that he's equal parts Honest,
Irresistibly Engaging as a Writer, and Highly
Knowledgeable.

AND he isn't selling anything.

I'm not even after Best Answer here (admittedly,
I usually am).

Please, grab that book and skim through it,
let his intro and conversational discussion
take you in.

Hopefully, it'll be the beginning of your seeing
your way out of anymore misery, and on to
a life that's greater than you'd anticipated.

Remember, you're ahead of the game in a
sense: Most people "accept their lot," which
to me is an insult to their intelligence. But when
said to them, "There's so much better available,
why not go after your ambitions?!" they often
become hostile and try to drag everyone else
into their monotonous wrankles.

They aren't being any more "real" than the
people who insist we just think happy thoughts
and all will be fine.

Be true to yourself. And--be sure to
soak-in Mr. Solomon's writing.

Answer 2

Listen, life does not always happen as you want. At time you wander down one path and up another, never seeing the one you fall for. So you live this wonder, not knowing is half the fun. You less than half my age, I tell there is not much in my life I would change. You've heard the saying if life gives you lemons you make lemon ade but I say no I want pie. Several of my family have not live much longer then I am now. I never married or had children, I would have liked children but I would not change my past.

Answer 3

Take a simple step make contact now with a counsellor - You have loads of time to realise your dreams you know what you want that's the important bit - stop threatening yourself give yourself a bit of space to see how you can take positive steps to realise your dreams. You want to meet a partner then take that step and call a counsellor who should be able to help you focus on the present free of the past.