I told my husband I cheated and he is really doing and saying things that aren't called for?

Question

So I know my husband has every right to be mad and I am trying to give him his space and tryin to do everything I can to show him I love him and I want to be with him... but he is doing things that aren't called for... for example... I was on the couch curled up with a blanket because he didnt want to talk to me at the moment... so i was giving him his space... he comes up to me takes the blanket off of me and throws it on the other couch... I dont say anything but get the blanket and curl back up on the couch... he again grabs the blanket and takes it from me but I grabed it in time... he tells me he hates me all the time... even before I told him I cheated... and he wants to know details about what happend... but I think it is pointless information and all it is goin to do is make him more mad.... I want to stay around and show him that I am willing to do anything to work this out... but I also feel like hes goin a lil over the top with this... what should I do???

He has broken just about every wedding picture I had around the house... and tore my guarder in half... and that is all stuff that means alot to me and I want to have some of it left even if this ends up in a divorce... I dont want to be degraded and have no self esteem by the time this is over... how can I say something to him without being out of my place... because I know what I did was wrong

Answer 1

As somebody who's been cheated on, I know exactly how your husband feels. You need to back off. See if he'll go for counseling. If not, you need to move out. You broke his heart and his trust.

Answer 2

I curious how you would handle things if the roles were reversed. As a man I can tell you he feels that his relationship with you has been violated and most husbands would have already put you out of the house. What you did was share something that was supposed to be for your husband only and he's expressing his anger and every thing that he thinks is precious to you he is destroying the same thing you did to him. Hopefully over time he might go to counseling but in the mean time you might consider leaving and staying with a friend. If he doesn't go to counseling there probably isn't much hope for your marriage...

Answer 3

If you break a glass, can you glue it back together and expect it to be the same?

Your husband is in a lot of pain, sounds like you are also, so give him his space, move out! give him time to think, you can not change what you have done, men see there wives as something that is there's and there's alone. you have taken that from him.
If you can't move then leave the room when he enters, don't tell him you love him... he see's it differently.
show him in small ways that you love him and do not ask him to recogonize what you have done to show him-- let him say it.
It takes time to heal, and your relationship will heal, 'if' he want's to stay in it with you. but he will never forget, and your relationship will never be the same, so you need to ask your self.... are you willing to take the long road back?

Answer 4

Was your affair called for?
I'm sure your husband would like ... how did you say it? " don't want to be degraded and have no self esteem by the time this is over... "
Your affair screams out "I THINK MY HUSBAND IS WORTHLESS!!!!"
His actions are his attempt to say "I may not matter to you, but my actions can still effect you."
You say you are willing to do anything, but then decide that the details your husband wants aren't needed. This is just another way of telling your husband that what he wants doesn't matter to you.
If you really want to show him that you are willing to work it out then start by digging in and exposing everything. Once things are expose your husband will have an honest choice to work with you to make things better or walk away. Anything less that complete honesty is just asking for set backs in the future.

Answer 5

If he was telling you that he hated you before the cheating or you telling him, then you should have gotten out of the relationship. But the blanket thing is just being childish. I woud just move out. The trust is broken. Why did you cheat anyways, not that there is any good reason. Let him be mad. Your relationship will never be the same again though. If he is willing to see someone then fine, but he has to forgive you. And that is the hardest part.

Answer 6

This sounds almost as though you'd like to put yourself in some kind of a victim role. and that ain't gonna cut it.
You may have destroyed your marriage for a role in the hay. So woman up and expect the worse.
You sound selfish why'd you want to keep stuff from a marriage that you destroyed? He says he hates you? well be glad he hasn't hauled off and given you a serious *** kicking before he socked your sorry *** into the street.
I've been cheated on and I can tell you you are in for a bumpy road. I really never got over it but I tried to put it behind didn't work. We got divorced

Answer 7

How long has it been since you told him? If you just told him, then he's very angry, hurt and confused right now. He has no idea of what he should do or feel over this violation of trust.

If it's been a couple days, then he should be getting over it by now. Not the hurt part, but the out and out anger at least. If he's grabbing things from you, I worry that could be precursor to physical abuse, and there is no excuse for that.

I've been there. My first wife did it to me and I too was so very hurt, confused and angry that I wanted to lash out at something. But I never once would have hit her...though I thought about it to be honest. Two wrongs never make a right.

You need to make a decision. You admit you were wrong, so now decide do you want to save your marriage? If yes, then you need to let him vent for awhile and 'take your punishment.' Under no circumstances do you stand for physical abuse. If it gets to that, leave as quickly as you can. Once he calms down, then you need to start talking together. If he insists on details, give only a brief overview, (AFTER he has calmed down!) but leave the fine details out. He will only obsess on them.

The choice is yours. Save your marriage or leave it behind. Only you can answer that one, and it will take a lot of time and patience to do either.

Answer 8

You are going to have to change your attitude 100%. Chances are you weren't acting nice before you cheated on him (that is probably why you convinced yourself you were justified). You have insulted the person who is supposed to be your lover, and your most trusted friend. He is so angry with you he can barely compose himself and you are acting like a little XXXX!!!!! Even though he really doesn't want to know the details, he has to, if he plans on trying to resolve it and work towards a trusting future. You should be remourseful and willing to work yourself out of the hole you dug yourself. If it takes a year of being accountable while also being doubted, then that is what you have to do if you want to salvage this marriage. How would you feel if he was with another woman??????? How nice would you be????

Answer 9

He is hurt and confused about his emotions and feelings right now. Both of you may really benefit by seeing a marriage counselor. This can help if you both truly want to save your marriage. My husband and I went to counseling over some very troubling problems in our marriage and it helped us both a great deal. This was over 2 years ago and and it took almost a year for things to settle down. I have an education in psychology helping many others but when it came to my own issues I couldn't even think straight to help myself. I still have issues over it due to past personal reasons but.... with him helping to carry my pain and realizing what was all behind it.... it gets better everyday. Things like this take time and understanding and being able to communicate with one another. It is not easy for either one of you right now and you both cannot fix this on your own. I hope things work out and get better in both of your lives. Take Care.

Answer 10

He sounds like a good man to even be with you after you cheated on him, you broke his heart and you should not be okay with that, you should be ashamed of yourself and you are lucky that he is still with you. Most men would have left you, and you wont even tell him exactly what happened he deserves to know those details you are his wife and you broke his heart into a million peices and your lucky that all he is breaking is your wedding pictures, your wedding picture dont mean half as much to you as you mean to him and you hurt him and you should be begging him for forgiveness not getting mad over the way he is handleing it. Hug him and tell him you love him and dont ever cheat again no matter what there is no reason for it.

Good Luck!

Answer 11

If you're willing to work this out, go to marriage counseling. I don't know how long ago this happened, but it may just be too soon for him to cope with this news. His actions may seem uncalled for, but what is an appropriate response to cheating? He has to get out his feelings in some way shape or form and this is the way he's doing it. If it gets to the point where you fear for your safety, you have to leave the house.