The only reason I found out about this is because I knew he was acting "differently" and searched the history on his computer. I found some evidence, and confronted him with my suspicion (which he initially denied of course.) He finally fessed up, was teary and regretful, swore he had deleted his email account, and said it was all just a "fantasy" and that he couldn't believe he almost sacrificed everything we have together. We have 4 kids and have been married 11 years. He said the contact began when she sent him an email out of the blue. They had communication for a couple of months and were planning to meet at a hotel, but says they never did. I don't know what to believe now and it is eating me up inside. I am so angry with him. I am unsure how to resolve my anger and mistrust. He swears that "nothing happened." Any advice/ opinions/ comments on how to move on, or what to believe, are appreciated. What bothers me is that had I not found out myself I would never have known a thing.
2007-07-02 11:23:54 · 35 answers · asked by Saia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well- first things first- figure out if you can forgive him after he's said he's sorry? if you are willing to forgive him go to couples therapy for help so you can get advice on how to get over this because it's gonna take some time and i'm sure you have 1 million & 1 questions to ask him about her or the chats emails etc but if you really wann go on with your life weather it be with or without him you have to ask yourself if you're willing to forgive and forget about it. If you decide to forgive & forget u need to give him a chance but if you keep bringing it up and question his every move then it's just gonna go down hill from there and you don't want him telling you that he wishes something DID happen between him and the ex so you can have a reason to ***** about. Be patient have a good talk with him and if you feel you can't deal with it- get separate- take time off to think of it all. Either way he has to help you support the children anyway. In these cases- seems like he could be hiding alot of stuff from you and had you not snooped around you would have never found out but anyway- that's not the point the point is that you now know what's going on and he has to make it up to you and the family if he wants to continue on in the relationship. just don't stay with a man becuase of the kids- value yourself and make him respect you and give you your place. Good luck and i'll pray for your relationship with him. May God bless you and your children!
2007-07-02 11:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well your instincts certainly kicked in. And as far as mistrusting him I have to say, ya you can't. BUT! it sounds like he's a really bad liar, so no worries there. (grin)
People talk...... the truth is both of you will never know now, if would have gone through with it. It's all about the moment. You know..... THAT moment. Sounds to me like I don't think he could have gone through with it. I also don't think this is a norm for him. ALTHOUGH, the thoughts DO cross his mind. I guess that still makes him human.
I think it was "just a fantasy" and as they say "a man is only as loyal as his options".
If over 50 and the kids are older, you may want to take some initiative to enhance your "private life" with your husband. You may find you both need a sex education class. ???
In reality, I think there is no need to worry about him anymore. I think you scared the bajeseezes outta him. Take a long vacation just the two of you AND MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT. ....
2007-07-02 11:37:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
For him to have been communicating with her over a period of two months or more and not tell you all this time, says a hell of alot to me. I wouldn't believe a word this guy is telling you. Are you absolutely sure he hasn't already had a fling with her at the hotel?, I wonder because he's coming across as not being very truthful. Only you can make the final decision as the ball is now on your side of the court. Think on it abit before deciding. Cheers and good luck.
2007-07-02 11:33:57 · answer #3 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. You were meant to find out so that you two could confront the underlying problem head on. Your marriage was in trouble and you didn't even know it! Be glad that you found out. HE should be glad you found out so that the two of you can figure out where the flame almost burned out and so you can re-ignite it again. Get some marriage counseling and give him a chance. He's tearful, sorry and still loves you. It'll take some time for you to rebuild your trust, but if you love him give him a chance.
2007-07-02 11:34:55 · answer #4 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"What bothers me is that had I not found out myself I would never have known a thing."
That's what keeps playing in my mind. I wouldn't trust him for a long, long time! I would suggest going to couple's counseling. Someone needs to get the bottom of this as your husband's crying is an indication that he MAY have cheated on you if you hadn't found the email.
Couple's counseling at your local church would be a great start. Good luck and I hope you can work through this. 4 Kids are hoping this as well. 11 years is a long time to just throw away and not work at it. Just keep telling yourself, he didn't cheat -- but he ALMOST did. Don't let this happen again.
BTW --GREAT DETECTIVE WORK!! :-)
2007-07-02 11:29:51 · answer #5 · answered by HoUsToN_LoCa 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Does he have a credit card that he might have charged it to? Does it work? If I were you Id be calling his work checking if he was there and if you dont want to call his work start calling hotels and asking if your husband has checked in or if you know the girls name. If you really want to be sneaky send this to him www.crush007.com it is a survey, tell him it is the best survey you have ever taken and it seems so real, or even if you could have a friend send it to him that would be better, and there is a free question on it that you can ask, ask if he has a current partner is he has ever cheated on them? When was the last time? All the questions he answers gets sent to your email.Tell me how it goes! If you want you can add me to myspace if you have one, mine is www.myspace.com/igot2muchattitude I would be happy to help you by to act like a girl from his area and catch him for you if you really want to know if he is doing something bad
2007-07-02 11:31:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can blame you for feeling hurt, angry and feeling mistrust. Don't let him make you doubt your feelings. I do agree if you want to continue with a healthy marriage that you should seek counseling. I also think contacting the "other woman" is a good idea. Then you will know the truth.
Love your kids with all your heart and try to stay strong for them.
2007-07-02 11:33:07 · answer #7 · answered by The It Girl ∆☻乐 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that ex-girlfriend is a trick! You need to keep your husband on a tight leash for the time being, because he is vulnerable to contact her again. Tell him how much it hurts you inside and to close the door with her, no contact, email, text messaging, nothing at all. And tell him if he sees her or anything, it's over. An email may not seem bad, but it really is, it shows your husband is willing to do sleazy things behind your back, and stuff like that rarely gets fixed.
2007-07-02 11:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
OK - he made a mistake - probably would have never met her at the hotel or if he did, nothing would have happened. Give the guy a break. Having a woman persue you is pure infatuation and maybe it is a wake up call for you. You caught him, and can forgive him or wreak your marriage and 4 young lives. Work on your marriage, you may need to do some changing too.
good luck.
2007-07-02 12:42:11 · answer #9 · answered by sweetpicker 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I too am a Mum of 4 and I know that in an ideal world if I was in the same situation i would kick him out. Its pure luck you found out if you hadnt would he have met her, then what? However, do you love him, do you want it to work? If you do then you have to ask why he would consider meeting her and whats wrong in your marriage. Perhaps you 2 need some space on your own to see where you go from here?
Good Luck to you I hope you make the right choice for you....
2007-07-02 11:29:37 · answer #10 · answered by Lindy 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋