Is this going too far?? Please help!!!.....?

Question

My friend's husband just cheated on her with his co-worker. He regrets everything and is willing to do anything to earn her trust back. Someone mentioned to him that he should keep a voice recorder on him while he's working, so that his wife knows he's not doing anything. She's asking for my advice. I don't know what to tell her. Is that going too far? Or should she do anything to make her marriage work? Please help....she's really depressed and I don't know what to tell her.....

By the way, he already quit his job and is working somewhere else...

Answer 1

that's a good first step but they need to ensure it doesn't happen again..I would recommend counseling or atleast going over some material together...they need to build some hedges around their relationship & boundaries too! I would get an appt. w/their marriage & family pastor at their church...if no church...then inquire at their non-denominational church for some marriage building materials...God is so good at this kind of thing - He loves them & wants them to have a glorious marriage! It takes time but can be done - many think the grass is greener on the other side, but it's not.
I hope they work it out. ♥

Answer 2

If he is willing to do anything, then he should be willing to look for a new job. If that isn't possible, then he should ask the co-worker to find a new job. If that isn't possible, then they have a problem because she will always suspect them of carrying on together. Tell your friend that, if she wants her marriage to work, they need to go to marriage counseling and find out why he cheated in the first place, and also so she can work through her emotions. This is a bad one....most couples don't last through infidelity.

Answer 3

Tell your girlfriend, trust is something that takes a while to earn. So, don't rush, because it will take some time to get things back to normal, or at least better. If he regrets what he has done, and he knows it's wrong, and he admits it, then she should at least give him another chance. Everyone deserves the right to get a second chance to correct the mistakes we've done. But, on both sides, with caution. The glass has been cracked and not broken yet, but you cannot put it back to what it is before..

"Everything that happens once, will not happen again, but everything that happens twice, will happen a third time".

Answer 4

I would say that he needs to find a different job. If there are children involved, I would always suggest trying to make it work. He should have to do what ever it takes to get her trust back, but at the same time she would have to be willing to forgive and not use it against him in anger. If she has anything to say about it, then she needs to sit down with him and get it out. After that, never bring it up again. My friend went through this, he left the family and moved in with this woman. They are now back together, and he is now up front and honest about everything, and she has never said anything about it since. I hope your friend finds her way.

Answer 5

If I was you, I wouldn't be saying much at all to her and try to stay out of it, or you could end up being the bad guy in the end. Be supportive and be there for her, but say little. A voice recorder will do little, as you can turn them off and on when you choose to. Its very hard to get the trust back and he's only got himself to blame of course and who's to say he's not going to do it again, especially if he's stoop this low to have a fling in the first place. Cheers and good luck.

Answer 6

At first I thought you were talking about me... I just recently found out the truth. And yes it's hard. I do know how she feels. The only advice I can suggest is for her husband to quit. Mine did. That was the only way we can work on our marriage. I couldn't stand the thought of them working together at the same place. I didn't trust him no matter what he said or promise. It was just a peace of mind, if they were NO where around each other. That was his way of reassuring that he wants our marriage to work and that he had made the stupidest mistake, that was gonna cost him everything that he holds dear to himself. I'm still waiting for the pain to stop hurting. Good luck.

Answer 7

Well I think that is going too far if it is to the point that she has to listen to everything he does to make sure he is not cheating, she needs to just leave him, if he cheats and she takes him back he will know that if he does it again she will just keep taking him back, they need to seperate for a while and let him find himself and then if they get back together and he has changed then stay married and try to make it work, but if not, if she still thinks he is cheating they need to get a divorce, not women deserves a man who is cheating on them.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Tell her to give herself some time to see if she is able to trust him again - and it will take some time. She may feel the need to drop in unexpectedly at his job site and she may feel the need to check e-mails and/or cell phone and I think that is all okay. If her husband is sincere and wants to heal the marriage, he knows that it will take a while to earn his wife's trust back. If she wants to try to heal her marriage, she will need to give herself and her husband some time to heal.

Answer 9

NOTHING is going too far when a spouse has cheated.
All bets are off as to privacy.
She should put the voice recorder in the car, where he doesn't know it is there.

Answer 10

I agree with what someone else said, he could easily edit what he doesn't want her to hear. Not to mention the fact that if he truly loved his Wife he would have thought of her and only her and had more willpower than to destroy his Marriage. Nobody deserves that, including her.