I have been married for over two years and after a deployment to Afghanistan during which my son was born relations with my wife have deteriorated. She refuses to have sex and the last time was over a month ago. We have gone to counseling and she claims she does not love me anymore. However, I do not wish to divorce because I want my son to have a normal life with a mother and father who love him. The sex situation is intolerable though. She informed me that the only way she would have sex with me was if I paid her $300 per event. I do not wish to cheat on my wife and I think the situation is outrageous. What would you do if you were in my situation? I need advice.
2007-07-02 11:01:24 · 30 answers · asked by subotai77 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wouldnt give her any money for anything, and you can find sex for $20.00 down the street
2007-07-02 11:05:43 · answer #1 · answered by skcs11 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough situation. The sex part is a symptom of the overall problem... she doesn't love you. It may be hard to accept, and this may not be the right answer, but maybe your child's life will be more normal and more stable if you're divorced. You and your wife will always love him, and that's what's important. Your son will want each of his parents to be happy, and for some people they are happier apart. Make sure that no matter what happens, that the person who does not have custody is a big part of your son's life. I think that is what is best.
2007-07-02 19:04:23 · answer #2 · answered by Dave S 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all I wish to thank you for your service to the country even though I dont believe in this war. Your wife is obviously getting it from somewhere else. To pay her for sex should be out of the question. I know that having a normal family life is important to you but this can only be truely be accomplished when both parties are in it together. She says she doesnt love you anymore. I would divorce her and seek custody of your son as well. In the long run this is much better than your son witnessing a loveless marriage.
2007-07-02 11:12:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Was she hooking when you were deployed? Damn, that sounds messed up. I would UNDER NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, ever pay my spouse to have sex with me. I'd sooner get myself off for free than to pay my hubby $300! Ask her how she'd feel if you paid someone else the $300 for sex. Bet she sings a different tune then. I understand you want your son to have a normal life, but honestly, knowing his mother is asking you to pay $300 for sex is NOT normal. One last thing. Your son is going to learn about love and relationships from watching you and your wife. Is this really the example you wish to be setting for him? You might want to think that over before you totally dismiss the idea of divorce. Also, you might consider counseling for you or both of you. Good luck.
2007-07-02 11:08:30 · answer #4 · answered by kikio 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are going to have to talk with her enough to find out what all is realy going on. Why does she feel this way? Have you or her had an affair? Is there a main problem between you two preventing you from moving forward? Is it emotional from having the baby like irrational /neurotic thoughts and feelings( in which more help should be saught especially if it occures in other parts of her life). Does she ever show that she feels any other way for you. Does she have friends or family that do not like you and not for a specific event? They could be talking to her or she likes someone else. All things to try to figure out. If it is an affair or some other reason she doesn't love you, it will be wrong on you and your child to try to stay with her. It is more functional for the child to see happy successful parent's. Grow from the situation, don't let it take you down because your baby needs you. I am sorry this has to be a step in your life.
2007-07-02 11:15:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok This looks bad. Get paternity tested at the base Hospital and make sure the lad is yours.
How old is he? How long have you been married? How long have you been in the service? How many of those service years were you married to her? Have you ever cheated on her(she might have found out???)
Get with your First Sgt and come clean on the situation and get advice from him based on the answers to the questions I asked you.
300 for sex, means get the F out of our bedroom. Might as well just say no, say I take it she is a bit of a bwitch.
If the boy is yours you two need to strike off on your own. Dammm hard in your current position, but they are right in that this is an unhealthy situation for him to grow up in.
Ret. USAF SNCO, Ex- First Sgt
2007-07-02 13:04:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that was not the agreement when you both said I Do. Someone needs to put some sense into her head. No good wife would ever even consider talking to her husband that way. Men should never tolorate those things, I would go to counseling, or talk to a pastor, do something. Men should never have to pay their wives for sex or anything else. You should not have to live in a sexless marriage. Do not be abusive, but stand your ground.
2007-07-02 11:11:21 · answer #7 · answered by Ivy_Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, what do you expect from her? She told you she doesn't love you anymore and you don't accept it and don't want to let her go. I think she was just trying to make a point by saying she would only sleep with you for money. You should let her go because your son will notice one day that something isn't right with his parents. It doesn't matter who's fault it is, sometimes love just goes away, for whatever reasons. So get a divorce and try to have a grown-up relationship with your wife for the sake of your child. Unhappy parents have unhappy children.
2007-07-02 11:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by The baby penguin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't love you anymore and want money for sex, this is outrages. Is she a hooker?
You should move on and have try to have a civil relationship with her so that she will be good to your son and you both can have joint custody.
And make sure your son is definitely yours. If it's too expensive for paternity tests, do you see traits that are for sure yours?
I feel bad for you (and your son), especially having been to war and coming back home to this kind of crap.
You don't need to be treated like this. Find yourself someone else who will love you better.
2007-07-02 11:11:17 · answer #9 · answered by Monica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off... you will not have a normal family for your son with a woman like that. I can speak from experience that you need to let her go. The best you can do is find a woman that will love you and your son.
Most of your pay is in the benefits you get so she will not be able to take a lot of money other than what you have saved from deployment.
She is a b**** and needs to fend for herself.
I'd bet the bank that she slept around.
2007-07-02 11:07:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
My first thought would be the son.Will he be better off if you stay together for his sake?I think not,and $300.00 a piece,I would go down on Main street and get my money's worth and save about $275.00.Speaking for myself.I'll be damned if I would pay for it from anyone.I hope that someone can give you better advice.You sound like a hell of a good guy and I want to Thank you for your service in
Afghanistan. You are a brave man that don't deserve to be treated that way.My hat's off to you for putting up with it.God bless you my friend.
2007-07-02 11:24:30 · answer #11 · answered by I'm Jerry 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋