perfect (3/14)
You're perfect for each other;
both self-obsessed
and self-absorbed;
taking other people's pain
and pretending it's all yours.
2007-07-02 10:43:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
lol. .......divided into 5 segments. thanks!
fyi : i isn't a poet.... and i isn't trying to be lol
2007-07-02 11:10:05 · update #1
... everyone's input was helpful and appreciated. thanks!
2007-07-03 19:00:05 · update #2
I would alter a few sentences: like this,
You both are self-obsessed
and self-absorbed
taking other people's pain
and pretending it's all yours.
You're perfect for each other.
2007-07-02 11:13:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anna Lynn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I liked it
I didn't so much like the fact that it was about couples because now a days what isn't
but the anger
the rage
it was almost pleasant
however, go about it in a more sophisticated way
instead of it's my way or the highway
maybe more of a see what your doing to everyone else perspective
2007-07-03 04:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by Priyanka B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, it's a cute little diddy. but I'll admit that event though the last to lines sound-no they "look" like they go there it just doesn't read right or even sound quit right. It sounds like there is something been cut out, like it goes to the set just that a line is missing in between. but besides that I really like it, and i also think it could possibly be expanded into a full blown poem with a little work. anyways i like it and keep it up!
2007-07-02 18:21:42 · answer #3 · answered by tanjha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't a poem. It's an angry note divided into five segments.
2007-07-02 17:56:20 · answer #4 · answered by Elaine P...is for Poetry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think this was pretty good. i really felt emotion out of it. the last line was good, but it kinda makesa funny sound.it seems like you are trying to rhyme the yours with absorbed...? you dont have to rhyme!!! maybe change it a bit so it seems like you arent trying to rhyme, or find a better rhyme.
2007-07-02 17:52:24 · answer #5 · answered by noname 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you write this? If so, I liked it. It had this feeling like one cannot explain. The last line "and pretending it's all yours." kinda confused me BUT that's the only thing. Keep writing!!! :D
2007-07-02 17:50:21 · answer #6 · answered by *luna's lover* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you mean to say taking other people's "gain" and pretending it's all yours? That would make more sense.
Otherwise, I like it because it makes a strong statement and gets right to the point. Thanks for sharing.
2007-07-02 17:55:49 · answer #7 · answered by Bethany 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think its awsome and so true in so many situations!!!
also short sweet and to the point
2007-07-02 18:34:24 · answer #8 · answered by im begging u to be my escape 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it makes me sad
2007-07-02 17:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
try again.... sorry didnt like it .
2007-07-02 17:47:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋