We have been engaged for 2 yrs and he just got out of debt and has some extra money now.I want to put money away for a house/wedding(both of us) but instead he keeps buying expensive stuff(drums/car stuff/guns) that total over 3k with no signs of stoping.He knows i have my share of the money for the house/wedding but he will not put any away himself(he wants to buy a house too).I can't help but think he expects me to put the whole down payment on the house.When i have talked to him about it he says he will put his share of the wedding on a c.c but what about the down payment on a house?I think now that his debt is cleared up and he has extra money some of it should go in the bank to pay for these things rather than buying expensive toys.
2007-07-02 09:07:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Business & Finance ➔ Renting & Real Estate
I would be pissed at the situation. The first problem is that when you get married it is "both persons" money. Anything he is buying right now will hurt the over all finances when you are married. I have been married for 2 years, and I was really dumb when we were planning on getting married. I bought a bunch of stuff, and was mostly debt free, but habits die hard. I racked up alot of debt in our first year, and we are still paying it off. I think you are very smart for saving as much as you can, and he should as well. Credit Cards can cause alot of strain on the marriage as well as debts and expensive toys. That is really something you should work on as hard as you can before you get married. Marriage can be tough, especially with the extra worries of debt. So overall I applaud your saving, and suggest over stressing the matter to him.
2007-07-02 09:16:57 · answer #1 · answered by Jack the Pumpkin King 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Money issues are probably the #1 cause of marital arguments, and ultimately divorce.
If you guys can't see eye to eye on finances now, you should be very cautious about continuing forward with marrying him.
His priorities are plainly, obviously, clearly not the same as yours.
Putting his share of the wedding on a credit card, while you're paying cash, is just dumb. All that means is that you have more debt when you get married. Who's going to make sure that balance gets paid off? You. Not him.
Talk to your clergyperson. Or someone who can get you into premarital counseling. This sounds like the beginning of a long, painful, expensive situation you'll ultimately end up regretting.
You shouldn't just be "pissed". You should be "one step from dumping him". If he won't go to counseling with you, you need to get rid of him.
2007-07-02 12:10:12 · answer #2 · answered by Yanswersmonitorsarenazis 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds as though he isn't exactly responsible where money is concerned...I doubt that will change, if you find that an important factor in a relationship, then you might want to re-assess marriage to this person.
It will likely always be a problem between the two of you.
A house is a good investment, but a wedding shouldn't be something that puts you in debt...that's silly, it's about the commitment and close friends and family sharing in that with you.
...not the pomp and circumstance.
Good Luck.
2007-07-02 09:14:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just wait and see how "pissed" you'll be when he does this when he's your husband.
And putting his share of the wedding expenses on a credit card is just stupid.
So, this is where you're going to be in 5 years...he'll have some great stuff (Harley, guns, three cars, etc.) but you won't have room for all of it in your apartment and you won't be able to buy a house because you don't have the down payment and he'll have $20k in credit card debt ($10k from the wedding and $10k in finance and late fees).
2007-07-02 09:29:02 · answer #4 · answered by Box815 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds immature and selfish. You should not have to pay the whole down payment amount for a house. He needs to GROW UP and act more financially responsible. And if he puts his portion of the down payment on a house on his credit card, you will BOTH be paying for that forever. Once you are married it will be even harder to get him to change his spending habits, so better set him straight now.
2007-07-02 09:14:43 · answer #5 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Realize this won't get better after you get married. If you're willing to pay the bills while he spends "his" money on himself, then go ahead and plan your wedding. If you aren't willing to do that, consider seriously whether he is ready to get married.
Broken or postponed engagements are hard, but not as hard as divorces, or being a single parent.
2007-07-02 09:30:18 · answer #6 · answered by Judy 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's a bad sign. If you are responsible with money and he is not, that's bound to become a really big problem later (namely, after you guys have been married for a while). You really might want to ask yourself some questions regarding this before you tie the knot.
2007-07-02 09:15:08 · answer #7 · answered by firstythirsty 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ive been married 11 years and it doesn't get better. Just bigger toys. Its the only thing we really argue about. When I met my husband he didn't have good credit but I helped him through that. He got good credit again and started buying again. He knows he has a shopping problem. Good luck to you.
2007-07-02 09:15:48 · answer #8 · answered by stefani h 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is his way of living, you can't change this, just make a decision, before it's too late
Remember, man never change, if he likes expensive toys, you can't tell him not to do this, this will make him very unhappy. So it's your chose , or make him happy, or .......? Good Luck!
2007-07-02 09:22:49 · answer #9 · answered by reality 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
then take the first step and open up a joint savings account. make an agreement to deposit x amount weekly/monthly.
you should on the road to saving for ur wedding and downpayment.
2007-07-02 09:20:07 · answer #10 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋