Do you think a 33 year old married man (7 years) with a one year old child should hangout with 20 year olds?

Question

My husband lied to me and went to a party with young 20's (some underage) drinking party, no married couples, no children and he thought this was okay. I was ticked. I waited up for him until 2:00 when he came up to bed and said he had come home awhile ago and fell asleep on the couch (I saw him when he got home which was about ten minutes before he walked in the bedroom). Am I over reacting or is he being a jerk?

Answer 1

I'm 42 and have been married 4 times because of men like this. I think he has issues being a daddy. He wants to revert to the good old days when he was hangin with his friends and could get any girl he wanted. This has not so much to do with you. You are not over reacting. He had issues that need addressing. I'm afraid that if he doesn't get help he may hurt you and your children one day if he came home drunk. Lying now leads to more lies in the future. Then the truth is a blurred mess. I would get counseling to see if you can save this mess, if not get a divorce it's not a disgrace. You can make it without him. Find someone who appreciates you and your children. You can get counseling for free at many churches, etc. I wish you well. You don't need this mess. No matter how many times he says he loves you. If he did he wouldn't act like another child of yours. He would act like your husband!

Answer 2

I think you are definitely NOT over reacting. I would never do such a thing to my girl, and we're not even married yet. We've been together for about 6 years, and I couldn't imagine lying to her like that, or going to a party where everyone is 12 or 13 years younger than I. You do need to let him know that you know where he was and that he was lying about when he got home. If you let him think you're buying it, he'll keep laying it down. It will only get worse if he thinks he got away with it(us men are like teenagers in that way-no matter how old we get).
However; it sounds to me like you two need to have some serious conversations about where you're marriage is heading, but wait until after you get over being angry. Although I believe you're anger is justified, I don't believe arguing, shouting, or even trying to talk while mad will help either of you(and it's certainly not good for the kids).
Good Luck.

Answer 3

He's being irresponsible, and he is aware of it or he would not have lied to you. He probably went out cause it was fun and brought him back you the glory yrs. But the reality is is that he now has a family and to be partying with minors who are drinking could jeopardize his family. If he got caught drinking with them, he would get contributing to minors among other charges. If he is drinking with under aged girls, he could even get put on the sex offenders list. This happened to a friend of mine, all he was doing was drinking with a couple of 20 yr olds who said they were 25. he was 29. Nothing sexual happened at all, but he still was put on there for drinking with what he later learned were minors.
Your husband needs to think about that. However if I were you, i wouldn't attack him verbally about it, i would sit him down and tell him how you feel and tell him that it really hurts your feelings that he is willing to jeopardize his family and betray your trust, just to hang out with some 20yr. olds.
If its girls he was hanging out with, well that's worse, not good on many levels.
As a 33 yr. old man I'm sure he was the lime light of the gathering, boosting his self esteem.
He made a commitment to you and choices with you and got married, had a child. Those are his choices as well as yours. He needs to put that child first and in doing so, going to an underaged party is not prioritising. He isn't 20, he's 33, and its not your fault he is missing those glory years. We all miss them, but we all grow up. He wouldn't want you to do what he did, and I'm sure when his child turns 20, he wouldn't want a 33 yr.old guy partying with his 20yr. old son./daughter

Answer 4

Your husband is being a complete jerk and you're not over reacting.

I bet he didn't call you about when he was coming home either.

First off, it's very screwy for him to be out with a bunch of young people in their 20's and underage drinking involved.

Has he reached his mid-life crisis already?

Then he lies about when he came home? Does he think you're that stupid?!

I can't stand people who can straight out lie to your face.

I'm so mad for you!

Please don't be broken hearted, but his actions are very suspicious. I hope you guys could get things in the open and discuss any issues in your marriage that's not working.

Beware, he may not open up at all and problems may persist. He can cop out about talking because, as he sees it, "he doesn't want to hurt your feelings".

If things are rocky in your marriage right now, things coming out of any real discussions may crush your spirit, so be mentally prepared.

If this is just a stage your husband's going through and will cease, then things can look up.

Only way to find out is to have a real hear to heart. And be careful how you phrase questions and stuff. He can get totally defensive as guilty people will react this way.

Good luck!

Answer 5

You are NOT over-reacting. Those are some serious red flags. Obvoiusly, this guy has some issues. The red flags could lead to something more....like he could potentially cheat on you. If i were you i would put my foot down on that. I would calmly remind him that he has children and a wife at home waiting for him. Dont forget to mention the children because that usually hits them hard. If he doesnt stop his partying, then leave him. Its better to leave before you get your heart broken and before your children are exposed to a potentially traumatizing situation than to stay and hurt yourself and your children. The only reason he would think its okay to go paty with 20 year olds is if a)hes really immature, which means he's definatley not ready for this marriage. or b) hes looking to get some late night action with a younger woman.
Your gut is always right.

Answer 6

Sounds like the Seven Year Itch to me. It's time for you and he to evaluate your marriage and makes sure you are both still heading in the same direction. he may just be feeling his youth is fading and he did something desperate and stupid to try to recapture a bit of it. On the other hand he may want out of the marriage.

Trust me when I tell you he is confused. The worst part is that if you call him to the mat on this it will only make things worse. Your best course of action is to sit down and tell him that you are upset about what happened and that you think it is a symptom of much larger things. And if he wants to talk about it he can to you or to a professional (a therapist that is, and not massage therapist). Then tell him you love him, that you are worried about him and your relationship and that you want to be together for a very long time.

Give him a few days and then gently bring up the conversation and ask him if he wants to talk. He may or may not. In the mean time get yourself a professional lined up just in case things don't go the way you wan them to.

Answer 7

It just seems really weird...why would he be hanging out with 20 year olds in the first place?? Especially at a party without you, and you know he lied about when he came in, what else is he lying about??

Answer 8

Hes being a jerk. Dont forget that men are generally pretty selfish and immature. Hes just trying to go back to his youth. You should feel bad for the guy for grasping at something thats not there.

Answer 9

His time has come and gone. He has a family now, and that means he's a family man. He shouldn't be trying to relive his youth and freedom by hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds. It's desparate and pathetic. I hate when people can't accept growing older. He's the pathetic old man afraid to let go of his youth, hanging out at a party with a bunch of college kids.

Answer 10

Older men ten to get a lot of attention from younger women. I would be more horrified than anything that he was drinking with kids who are UNDERAGE!! That's terrible. I would let him know that his lie about what time he got home isn't going to fly, and that that kind of frat boy behavior is unacceptable.