is life worth living with all the compremises we make in our married life?

Question

when life itself is turning into compremise ,it really is bothering me very hard.i don't claim i never make any mistakes, i do make some ,but inspite of everything i always think abt my husband and child,i hardly take any time for me,still i cannot satisfy my husband and he is not happy with me.i tried talking ,but in vein.now i think i should be silent forever,but this silence is killing me.

i make mistakes but whatever i do cannot be a mistake

Answer 1

I really appreciate that since now you have compromised with your matrimonial life & relationship with you husband. In case still you feel its time to call of this marriage then you both should sit together & make this hard decision between yourself, keeping in mind the custody of the child of the child & your maintenance/alimony for the future. Once this is settled between you two you can seek divorce by mutual consent & end this marital life for ever so that the burden of this life comes to an end & you can move on to a new alliance as you wish in future.

Answer 2

This question is concealing something. You are repeating a word mistake. Mistakes are two types. 1. Those mistakes can be corrected later 2. Mistakes which cannot be corrected and the impact will be life long. So before doing any mistake think twice. Some mistakes will hurt the feeling of others or change or distort the image that others keeping about you. If it hurts somebody who loves you best, then the impact will be irreparable or it will take long time to get it repaired.

Here you are not mentioning what happened between you and your hubby. Anyway compromise is always have value in married life because marriage is not the unification of two persons but unification of two personalities. Those personalities are coming from different cultures, different family environment etc. so that there is chance of idea clashes also. If both are not having a compromising mentality we cannot call it a married life but "warriored life".

Then one thing is there sister, it is the law of nature that whatever you do, you have to reap it.

Answer 3

Marriage is Give n Take relationship. You just cant give, give and give and get nothing,no,never for an answer. It just wont work. The only way it would work is the way you have suggested and that is adopting the silent mode. And yes, Silence is killing too. Each one of us have their own small world when left into, we discover the best of things, best of friends, best of emotions, best of everything! Try and slip yourself into your small world and see what is waiting out there for you. No one is perfect in this world and the world is not perfect too. A final decision from you would be to put your foot down and make someone answer a lot of questions but i think you are not there yet. The most important question here is whether you are happy with your husband and not if your husband is happy with you? The day you have an answer to this question, i think your problem will unfold itself for sure. Take Good Care!

Answer 4

Everything you do cannot be a mistake or the wrong decision. Sounds like you are married to a controlling person that is correcting your every move. I know you want to hear it will get better, but without family counseling it will just get worse. You did not say how long you have been married or how old you are, but I think maybe you are married a short time and younger than 25. Life is a long road, and it can be happy or rough depending on how we choose to live. Think hard about what you wrote and ask yourself, do I want this person treating our child the same way?

Answer 5

First of all yes, life is worth living despite all the compromises one must make in every aspect of their life. Imagine if everyone gave up when things got difficult or they didn't get their way.

My advice: Try to spend time and take care of your husband and child in ways that appeal to you. Raising a child should be a joy, not a pain. As should having a husband. Your partner should be your 'better half', the one who brings out the best in you and lifts you up when you are having a bad day.

To improve things with your husband, try marriage counseling. I don't believe in divorce and so I would say do everything you can to save your marriage, especially for your child's sake. If talking to your husband one-on-one doesn't work, having a third person to help direct and mediate a conversation could be very helpful.

Another suggestion I have for you is to spend time away from your home. You say you hardly take time for yourself and you should change that. Go out at least once a week by yourself or with friends and do something fun and don't think about home or even work. Use that time as "me time". Having that time to yourself without worrying about your child or husband will help keep you sane! And it will make coming home and seeing them more bearable and hopefully more enjoyable. Maybe also try the same thing with you husband. Try and go out once a week and spend time just the two of you.
Above all don't give up! Unless you like how you're feeling, do what you can to change the situation. Yes you have an obligation to both your child- to raise it to the best of your ability, and your husband- to complete him, but no where does it say you cannot be happy yourself.

Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product. - Eleanor Roosevelt

I sincerely wish you the best of luck :)

Answer 6

Since you didn't marry a man that appreciates the attention you give, you are really wasting your time being so attentive.

Compromises only work when there are benefits for both parties. That's not the case with you and your husband.

Adjust your priorities a bit. Focus more on YOU!!! A more together you is better for the whole family. I'm not suggesting that you now neglect him. You can still tend to his needs without subjugating your own self esteem. He may even admire the more independent new you.

Answer 7

You know my wife worked so hard to make me happy the first 16 years of our marriage and I took it for granted. One day she lost interest and told me she was ready for a divorce. That blew me away. No way could my mind take that in. That night I lie awake and the only thing I could think about was how much she had endured from me. I made a list and it was a long one of all the crap I dished out. I never hit her but was always verbal about what I concidered her fault.
Thru prayer and I mean serious prayer and time did she come around. I made a lot of changes and she made some too. We now have the best marriage of all our years. We just finished 25 years in December. I do not know what you believe but God can help. Hang in there I just said one for you. [e-mail]

Answer 8

udhi, i guess ur husband is too busy in his own life to make a notice of what u r doing him and his family. I've got a advice, see how it works for u. time to time get some of ur work done from ur husband to make realise ur situation , how?
pretend to be sick some day , n tell him to take care of ur child ( get homework done, make breakfast, make the child study etc.)
Like wise tell him that u really wanna spend a nice candle light dinner with, if he could plan ur work schedule for the day, so that u can take out time from houshold stuff ( this will make him realise how much occupied r u , and how easy it is to make mistake in such situation)

Also u have to show ur skills to him (in whatever field, it may be creative, or otherwise) paint something really nice for ur wall hanging, or sort out his office issues with him.

He's also frustrated that his beloved wife at one time has now turned into a house maid and nothing else, but guys just know how to drop on conclusions, they dont know y and how to find a solution.

Mind it never let him feel that u r planning all this! let him feel he never saw ur situation from ur point of view. be polite, n give him love. if he'll get better, u'll automatically get better.

all the best

Answer 9

Find something to do just for yourself a couple of times a week, hire a sitter and go do something new and interesting. Stop being so clingy with your husband. Happiness is a choice not a gift from others.

Use reverse tactics on him. Don't call after him, don't look for him. Find something else to do. Don't be mean, just become distant and unconcerned. If you can hold out long enough, he will come around wondering why you aren't the insecure one any longer and he will become the insecure one. This really does work if you do it right. So be strong and give him the big time shine on, while you busy yourself with something else. You will be amazed how well it works.

Stop thinking you are responsible for his happiness. Because you are not.

Answer 10

Udhi,
I can understand your feelings because I have myself felt that way many times..Human Life is a precious gift given to us by God..and is definately worth all the compromises and sacrifices that we make in life..and life is changing..It can always change for the better..pain and suffering are both part of life..so cheer up and try to find the source of your problem..
Silence means escaping from problem..try talking again to avoid a communication gap..you may be assuming that he's not happy with you while in reality he may be worried about some official problem..also consult a doctor to rule out the possibility of mild depression..depression can make us feel bad for no good reason..
If nothing works pl go to a counsellor..and take help..Last but not the least,Pray to God for help..God helps those who help themselves