Married for 5 years now and my "husband/child" still doesn't pick up after himself, do any housework, make supper/lunch/dinner/breakfast/anything, care for the state of our home or its level of sanitation. How long did it take you to train yours - if ever?
2007-07-02 08:17:40 · 9 answers · asked by heathen 4 in Education & Reference ➔ Teaching
P.S.: Tried the nice thing, doesn't work.
Tried the logic thing, doesn't work. Tried the begging thing, doesn't work. Tried going on strike, doesn't work. Tried lists (long, short, colourful), doesn't work. Tried the "let's do it together" thing, doesn't work. Do you think there's anything I haven't already tried if I'm asking this question?
2007-07-02 08:30:21 · update #1
Also, not interested in hearing from men. I'm interested in women's answers only.
2007-07-02 08:33:13 · update #2
LOL I've been married for over 30 years and he is STILL in training! I keep telling him I'm not his mommy and that he needs to help out around HIS house! (I guess I should have taken better notice and ran the other way when I saw his mother cleaning his bachelor pad for him!) I've tried job jars, enticements, praise, etc. to no avail--I even suggested he hiring a cleaning service--said they were too expensive!. Good luck..if you find the secret, please let me know!
2007-07-02 09:23:45 · answer #1 · answered by kindergranny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he didn't enter the marriage with those skills, you will have to teach him. It is generally accepted that the best teaching methods use positive reinforcement. The good news is that is simple to come up with reinforcers for most men.
Ask him sweetly to do one simple task, and when he does it, give him a hug and a lingering kiss, and tell him how much it means to you when he helps with the housework, and what a good mood it puts you in. Keep giving him the same "reward" every time he helps around the house, and after awhile, he will begin to associate your affectionate response with doing housework. And when he wants some loving but hasn't been helpful, say something like, "Sorry, I just can't relax when there are dirty dishes in the sink - maybe we can work on it together and then I'll be in a better mood."
I know, it seems totally wrong to have to train a grown man to take responsibility around the house. But focus on the end result - if your husband begins to associate housework with sex, he will spend a lot more time thinking about housework!
2007-07-02 08:40:45 · answer #2 · answered by sonomanona 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to make a list or two. Choose one or two top priority jobs you would like for him to help with. He's not in the habit of helping, and you would over whelm him with a big list. Approach him with a smile and a hug and tell him you really need his help with something. Explain how hard you find it to get everything done, and you think he'd be really good at (whatever...starting dinner, picking up his clothes or belongings, etc.) Tell him how important this is to you, and how very much you would appreciate his help with this one job. Maybe he doesn't have a clue where to start. If you're pleasant and positive in your approach, you're likely to get better results!
2007-07-02 08:24:45 · answer #3 · answered by leslie b 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One does not nag, nor train a husband, or wife.
One accepts, loves, and serves each other.
This may give you a much better chance that it will last a life time!
2007-07-02 08:28:42 · answer #4 · answered by busymom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't train a man to do those things, especially if he hasn't done them before he was married...you'll just have to learn to compromise and lower your expectations and just deal! hopefully, he's contributing in other ways to make up for it and showing you in other ways how much he appreciates you...
2007-07-02 10:25:49 · answer #5 · answered by socalteacher 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
men are not trainable. so give up.
this is how it is. boy meets girl, boy kisses girl. they get married and girl wants to change boy. and boy wants girl to lose weight. in the end no one is happy.
2007-07-02 08:29:08 · answer #6 · answered by sam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes a lifetime.
2007-07-02 08:19:41 · answer #7 · answered by old lady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a lifetime :-P
2007-07-02 08:20:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is ur duty you are the woman
2007-07-02 08:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by blktan23 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋