Look here's the problem. I'm 27, work a nine to five, and am still heavy into raves, rock music, horror , dressing up etc.. but it's all part time, all the sh!t her and I did in college. and yes I DO LOVE HER, it's th reason i'm looking for help
The difference is that she a 26 f*cking years old college graduate, but can't be bothered to too look for a decent job , even after studying four years for a degree. She works in a f*ucking coffee shop when her degree can get her 45k plus EASY.
I'd really appreciate you people not telling me "well she's happy, let her do what she wants" I really don't want to hear sh!t like that. I sacrafice for her more than I can describe in this little box for her and she's living like a teenager.
She's trying to live the life of a 19-20 year old, saying she's going to sing in this local cybergoth band she's in , which SUCKS. I've never said it like that to her face, i just say "eh, you guys are cool" but they do, they suck,
2007-07-02 07:52:52 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music ➔ Rock and Pop
They arent going anywhere sounding like every other fu*king IDM band on the planet. I really encourage her to do it as a hobby.
She has this thing (like I was also in COLLEGE) where she thinks she's a vampire or some creature of the night bullsh!it, then calls me a sellout when i get on her case about it.
Shes TOO OLD for this, and it's really getting me annoyed to have to go out to a movie in dockers and a t-shirt and she has to spend 2 and 3 f*cking hours to go dressed as a freak.. she's not pissing anhyone off..she's not a rebel AT ALL.. but she still does **** like this at almost 26 (27 in less than a month) for the attention. This is getting sickening, I have all the financial obligations to take care off, while she acts like she's in High School. What should i do?
2007-07-02 07:56:25 · update #1
we've been together 8 years
2007-07-02 07:59:44 · update #2
Kaija - I just emailed this to her, she says she's not in the mood, I'm going to force it on her tonight, thanks
2007-07-02 08:02:29 · update #3
YosoEmo - I didn't have it figured out, otherwise I wouldn't have posted this question , other people did understand my question and I know have an idea of what I can do. ....which is pretty much let her know how I feel (again), and if I don't know what she does later on then we can take a break.. and i'm not trying to control her. After you've supported someone emotionaly and financially for 5 years while they wake up 2 and 3 in ther afternoon, then you'll understand this isn't control
2007-07-02 08:26:31 · update #4
Jackie - Thanks, I really should tell her, which i have many times already, but this time i really need to get serious. Also.. I know no one ever gets to old to do the things they like, I like all that stuff too, I still color my hair and wear colored contacts, fangs, silver, I still have the SAME black trench coat from high school..but ... I do it for a weekend if we go to a show or a festival, not every single day, or just go to a movie the way she does. Also I understand the whole thing about being yourself, but all goths look pretty much the same, there's nothing unique about looking like that, I do it for fun. When you make it a lifestyle your pretty much a moron
2007-07-02 08:43:06 · update #5
WHAT THE F****IG HELL R U TRYING 2 SAY I WOULD HELP U IF U NARROW IT DOWN UR CON FUSSING US BY RAMBLING ON & ON NO OFFENCE WHAT SO EVER BUT DUDE U HAVE NO POINT 2 UR QUESTION U HAV ALREADY FIGURED T OUT UR SELF AND IF U TRY 2 CONTROLL HER SHE MIGHT CUT OF UR BALL NOT 2 BE MEAN BUT FACE IT SHE IS THE WAY SHE IS IF U CANT SEE THT U NEED 2 LOOK IN UR HEART AND SEE IF U REALLY LOVE THIS GIRL
2007-07-02 08:21:23 · answer #1 · answered by Queenofurdeath 1 · 1⤊ 4⤋
From what I hear, I think you two have been drifting apart, and I think it's time to cut the cord. Don't be brash about it and stop talking to her, or else she'll A) think you're a douche and hate you forever, or B) get confused and pester you for a reason as to why you stopped talking to her. Just go out on your own, make new friends, and let the two of you drift apart. If she's smart, in a few years when she grows up and matures, she might strike up a friendship again. If she doesn't, it doesn't seem like much of a loss on your part. Also, you might be doing her a favor by telling her the band isn't that great, I.E. it sucks. If she takes it in a bad, immature way, then that's just another reason to let your friendship with her die off. It seems to me you are more mature and wise to be held back by her. Go on doing your sh!t and everything'll work out fine. ++EDIT++ Wait! Wait! About the degree she has: what if she's just scared about getting a 'grown up' job? What if she's regressing to her childhood, and using this dead-end job and dressing like a fifteen-yr-old goth to avoid growing up? That would certainly explain some things, but I am not her, and can't speak for her. Try talking to her, one-on-one alone, during a time where you're both free for the day.
2016-05-21 03:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's hard for people to realize that they are now the grown up. They have the bills to pay. They have the families...the responsibilites. She sounds like she still feels young and full "teen angst". Being a partner to someone like this is trying to say the least, but give her room to not only express herself, but find her true self too. She's been this way for a long time and old habits die hard. She doesn't really know any other way. Gently remind her that, although it was fun, it's time to be a little more professional. tell her that she doesn't need to hang it up completely, just at the appropriate times. If she truly loves you, and i'm sure she does...she will take you heart felt approach as what it is.....and not an ultimatum. be kind, yet forthcoming. good luck to you.
2007-07-02 15:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does sound like a problem. If you are going to sustain a relationship with someone and possibly live together (not sure if you already are, though it sounds like it), marry, and/or have children, you need to reach an agreement on some things. It's one thing for someone to have a unique personal style, but when it is hindering this person from succeeding in life and therefore holding back their loved ones as well, it is a problem.
As someone who is not working with my degree, I can empathize a little. Maybe she is afraid of failure in the professional world and instead focusses her energy on things that she enjoyed when she was young. It sounds like she may just be afraid to grow up.
I don't know all of the details of your relationship and 8 years is a long time for someone of your age to have been in a relationship. If you think that this is worth holding on to, then find a way to compromise. If she is unwilling to change, then maybe you two just are not compatible anymore.
Best of luck.
2007-07-02 08:07:35 · answer #4 · answered by mirabelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you are trying your hardest to give her the best you can, but she really needs to get a good job to contribute to your life. tell her that she is a very smart girl, and that she shouldn't waste her college degree to work in a coffee shop. don't say anything about her style just yet, though. if she goes to get a decent job, then more than likely she'll have to dress more appropriately. if not, then you should wait at least a month after she got a good job. get her flowers when she gets a job, congratulate her and tell her your proud. then afte ra month or so, slowly ease her out of "goth mode." start with, say, her hair. say something like "honey, i really liked your hair when it was natural, try not using such crazy colors or styles." then attack the makeup. say "babe, your face is so darn pretty, but it frustrates me so much that i can't see it under all that makeup." then the clothes.. tell her that she has a great body, and should show it off in nicer, more form-fitting clothes instead of the baggy or overly-exposing outfits. you have to ease this onto her.. if you just throw it all at her at once, then you are headed for disaster. good luck mate, and don't give up!
2007-07-02 09:10:09 · answer #5 · answered by Konrad 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well in my opinion she wants to be scene as a 19year old. it looks like she doesnt want the resposiblity of an adult its possible that the only reason she went to college is to keep the "glory days" alive and just be able to party and whatnot. she does want to do her own thing because then she doesnt have to face the reality of being an adult. she leaves the financial responsibiltiies up to you because she wants you to be kinda like her parents so she can just coast. what i would do if i were you is start making her pay some bills. if youve been together for 8 years it is possible to take a break with the intention of showing her that she has to be a responsible mature adult, but at the same time you have the intention of getting back together.
as far as her looks she really does want the attention. so dont give it to her. idk man this is a really tough one. good luck dude!
2007-07-02 08:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by Matty 2 Tears 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you differ in values and priorities, which NEVER leads to a healthy relationship. point blank, you don't have to power to change other people. look into yourself and see if you really love her. love her for her, or you need to break up with her. it's not good for her or you to continue as is. people generally are attracted to people like them. if you have changed as a person, which isn't bad or good necessarily, then the balance is thrown off, and something has to give.
2007-07-02 08:53:32 · answer #7 · answered by memyself91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her how you feel, tell her what you think and everything you just said above by not letting her know how you feel is worse then not telling her at all, and you can never be to old to do the things she is.....
2007-07-02 08:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
http://www.waningmoon.com/corpgoth/introduction.shtml
I don't have the time to search through the entire site at the moment, but this guy has alot of resources for this subject..
2007-07-02 07:59:59 · answer #9 · answered by kaijawitch 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋