Gaining weight during a relationship? SERIOUS answers only?

Question

Gained 35 pounds since I met my boyfriend whom I have lived with for over 6 years dating 9yrs (living like husband and wife). Is it unfair that he met me and fell in love with me at 150lbs and I now weigh 185 I am 5'0. I feel very overweight myself - he recently told me (in a nice as way as possible) that when we make love it's because he loves me but not because he finds me "hot" and would like me to shed the pounds I gained. Because of my weight I feel insecure and fear he will stray eventually he has never cheated and I know he loves me but the weight has gotten in the way of intimacy.

How would you take that? and What should I do?

Thank you all for answering this question. I am going to lose the weight I have gained to feel better about myself and feel more confident.

Answer 1

If you are secure in your relationship you shouldnt worry about whether he will look somewhere else, and he reinforced that thought by telling you those things. Try to shed some pounds, maybe he can go at it with you and you both can lose. It sounds like he loves you and he is not going anywhere, he just wants to see you become healthier!

Answer 2

You are right, it is unfair that he met you at 150 and now you are 180. Part of the reason he fell in love was the physical attraction towards you. Everyone has to have some type of physical attraction towards a person along with all the other aspects of who you are inside. The same goes for him as well. You met him and were attracted to who he was at that time. I feel that appearance can get in the way of the intimacy no matter what anyone says. If you are feeling overweight, and would like to lose the weight, then that's what you should do. Your feeling of fear that he will eventually stray is valid. Let him see that you are trying to lose the weight, and you can look "hot" again.

Answer 3

Why don't you try losing weight. I was in a relationship with the love of my life and I weighed around 175 pounds. She was begging me to quit smoking, which I did. I gained around 50 pounds. I ended up weighing 228 pounds before I realized that I was too fat and needed to do something. So for the last year and a half I have been busting my butt and I am in better shape than most people I went down to 182 pounds. Started lifting weights and have bulked up to 200 pounds. I love the way I look. I have gained all my confidence back and have even started professionally fighting. Just do it. Don't do it for him, do it for yourself. The only thing holding you back is you. Good Luck. Stay Motivated.

AND TO ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT IT WAS WRONG FOR HIM TO SAY THIS:
Why? Why shouldn't you want to be physically attracted to your significant other. Why wouldn't you want to make sure that they live a healthy lifestyle and will be around for a long time?

Answer 4

Hi dear,

Same thing happened to me and it sucks. I can hardly think of anything else than the weight I gained, so I'm sad to say that I do know where you are coming from. I find that it doesn't matter so much to me what he thinks, it's more about what I think. I'm sad about losing the person I was and I really do feel I lost part of me and that I am not the outgoing, beautiful, elegant woman I was up until a couple of years ago. I feel sad about not able to look good and put on pretty clothes. You ask what you should do, well, I think you know what you should do. You have to lose the weight, not for your bf, but for yourself, so you can feel good about you again. That's what it is all about. It's all about you. Try this (it's what I am going to do)... skip one meal a day (not breakfast). A friend of mine did that and shed all the weight she gained during her pregnancy. All she did was skip dinner, really. Good luck, dear, lose the weight, for your sake.

Answer 5

If I were you I'd be upset at first but you have to appreciate the fact that he came to you honestly. I think you should def work on losing the weight. You said yourself that you feel overweight so it's not like you're doing it all for him. You're doing it for yourself and that's the best way to approach an obstacle you want to over come. It's a blessing to be with someone that can openly tell you how he feels. So do it for you and shed those extra pounds,, Good Luck!!!!

Answer 6

I think you are a lucky women. Your boyfriend has trusted you with his honest feelings and has openly communicated them to you. He has told you that he loves you no matter what, while expressing his desire fore you to lose some weight for the purely physical aspects. I think your reaction that he would stray or that you feel insecure are totally unfounded in this situation and in fact should be the opposite. I suggest communicating with your boyfriend a desire to lose some of the extra weight maybe in some sort of team effort. Another way to keep your relationship close and work for your goals in life together. Do not worry and stress yourself out with those negative feelings, you obviously have found a man who truly loves you.

Answer 7

He's taking a sensitive subject very carefully and putting it in the nicest way possible for a man to say to a woman. So get off your tush and lose some weight. My personal favorite?! Weightwatchers! I stopped counting how many women I know from all different financial backgrounds and different goals start to lose weight without exercise and then just get into a good groove with exercise and healthy foods. Good luck!

Answer 8

The psychological project with weight-reduction plan is this; once you stop eating, you dont drink. once you stop smoking, you dont smoke. you cant stop eating. I hear the place you're comming from and that i recognize how you sense. i'm a heavy gal myself. i might propose which you're making this a set attempt. Take a walk each morning or evening mutually...even on the mall while the aspects isn't do stable. Grocery shop mutually, study lables. cut back lower back on processed, fried and fatty ingredients. study cookbooks mutually, whether you dont plan on making something from the e book. try a clean food as quickly as each week, take turns cooking. shop a mag [the two one among you] for one month of each thing which you eat or drink...right down to water and chewing gum. Weight earnings very oftentimes will make a individual lose self esteem and grow to be depressed, so speaking to her very own wellbeing practitioner may be a stable element. Ask her to cut back lower back on her evenings out with the girls with the aid of one evening each week [for starters]. there's no rapid restoration to this, and unquestionably, she does not choose for to drop extra pounds rapid. If she does make a stable substitute in her food habitual and exercising, she would be in a position to even see as much as 4 pounds drop off each week for some weeks, then it sould taper right down to 2 pounds each week. it is sweet through fact the physique has a tendency to regulate greater suitable while the weightloss isn't too abrupt. ultimately, after dinner, have dessert! make it the two wholesome, or a small ingredient of a few thing gooey and robust. Dessert tells the recommendations that the meal is over and it's time to stop eating. wish that a number of this enables. Be properly!

Answer 9

He obviously loves you for who you are and not how you look. On the other hand are you comfortable with your weight?? Everyone has their flaws and weight just happens to be a big issue when it comes to flaws. As long as you are comfortable with your weight I wouldn't worry about it because true love means loving you for who you are and not how you look. If you do feel the need to shed a few pounds I reccommend asking your mate to help you, take long walks together and experiment with new foods that are healthier for both of you.

Answer 10

I did the same thing. What I think happens is that you get comfortable with you partner so you don't pay attention to how you look because you think they love you no matter what, and they might.I just lost 18 pounds and trying to lose more. Do it for you not to save a relationship. If he thinks you are gaining to much weight tell him to buy you a membership to a gym and to go with you.GOOD LUCK!