Why do women think they own the kids during a divorce?

Question

It seems that women think they should use the children as bargaining chips during divorces. Some of the dirty tricks include hiding the children, accusing the husbands of all kinds of ugly things and disparaging the father. It seems like all a woman has to do is claim abuse and they can get away with murder like the preacher's wife did. There was no proof of anything to do with abuse and even though the jury found her guilty, the judge let her off. I can see his reason even though I do not agree that the kids lost one parent, they should not lose another. She shot the man in cold blood in front of the kids.

It seems that in most divorce cases, the judges side with the moms, no matter what reality is or the facts. What gives the woman the right to take away parental rights from a father based on lies and deceit? Granted that the child resided in the mother for nine months, why does society allow the father to be negligible in rights yet pay for the privilege?

I am saying, most not all. I do admit that some dads should not be given children. I am seeking redress for the rest of us. I am pointing out that society has ignored facts and reality to give more rights to a mother simply because of the biology of our species.

I blame Hollywood and many well meaning social workers but it is time for Dads to join together and change. I am blaming judges without backbones. I am blaming lawyers who perpetuate this for money. I blame mothers who are greedy and seeking revenge. I blame the dads for not joining forces and seeking help from each other. Please write me if you agree. I will be launching a child and family protection portal soon to help me deal with my personal situation

I would love to change it to some women, but it seems like there are more doing the lies, tricks and deceit than not. But I am flexible and will say 'many'?

The lies and deceit do hold up in court because in Family Court, the Rules of Evidence are different. The side who wants to play dirty can always put up anything without any evidence. They can also use evidence that would never be allowed in any civil or criminal court. The trial is held by a judge most times, so one does not have a chance to be heard by a jury of peers. The lawyers know this much better than people in the mess, so the lawyers use it to make more money. Some lawyers are honest enough but if you have a liar on side, the cost goes up and the mess becomes bigger.

I have fought beyond most dads. My lawyer is amazed that i did not walk away. I took care of my child everyday since the separation and divorce. I took and picked her up from school and did lots of fun trips and things. This is not fair!

The person is being judgmental? Nowhere does it say all women. Nowhere have I said anything bad about women. This is exactly the issue with society where people pass judgment instead of having a dialog. This is a dialog and not about bashing anyone. It is about society's norms and mores.

To answer Teenie:
The view is very outdated. I had flexibility to take care of my daughter every day and I spent all the time I could with her. Most dads will make great dads and do! It is the revenge minded person whether male or female is the one at fault here. Society accepts myths because they are often repeated by people with limited scope and view.

The flat world theory still exists in some places on this planet. In some countries, women have been President (Prime Ministers) while some in USA still cannot see that in 2008. Countries Like India and Pakistan considered backwards by most Americans to itself have had ladies be PMs, yet some still hold an arrogant view that Dads cannot raise kids? Who is really backwards and irrational? Just questions.

My view: some women don't want equality, they want subjugation of men by any and all means! They cannot grow up and be adults. They hide behind lies, and victim mentality

Answer 1

WOW.
I agree that men still get the short end of the stick when it comes to being awarded custody of children. However, that is changing...slowly. I also think you should change "most" women to some women. I would have very much enjoyed and appreciated having my ex help with the kids, however he was incapable of doing anything to help. I can appreciate that you are one of the fathers wanting to be involved and that is wonderful. Unfortunately in this day and age a fair deal is not something everyone gets. I hope that things work out for you.

Answer 2

Answer , Men work and for the most part even in today's society draw a larger income. Many women are stay at home moms who have few marketable skills to earn a high level of income. So the women gets the kids because the man can afford to pay since he always has. It will be interesting to see how things pan out as more and more 2 income families split. When both couples have a career will it negate the auto mom at home response judges go by today. I do agree with you its not right. I was married 14 years, she divorced me (unhappiness) and now I send her half my income. Shes remarried and has 2 new children by her new husband, and does not have to do a single thing to financially provide for the 4 children we had together. never worked , never will, b/c why ? the courts didn't make her financially responsible in anyway. Compare what money is given to foster parents for support of a child by the state. Then look at how much child support they take from a donor male. They take as much as they can to the point where its not just "support" its a living for the non working ex.The system Sucks.

Answer 3

I somewhat agree depending on the situation. My situation for example was I WAS abused. I asked nothing in the divorce put for him to pay child support. He did for a while then he quit. So I enforced it. I was letting him see his daughter. I thought what he did to me did not mean he was a bad father. Well she ended up seeing it with his new wife and now she has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was pregnant with her when I left him so she never saw it on my end. Anyway... I think that socitety feels ( and not everyone ) that a man can't take care of a kid like a mother can. I disagree. It depends on what is best for the child. I agree woman and men will say whatever to make the other one look bad during a divorce. I am not sure what state you live in but I know in the state of Virgina in order for the father to get custody either the mother has to be agree to it or the mother has to found unfit in a court of law. I do think things need to change. I think the kids can be just a well off with the father as I do with the mother.

Answer 4

Would you not agree that most fathers could not and should not have custody of his kids. The reason being what he was taught growing up.For example kids need to be held and loved and talked to not be told that if you cry your a sissy only girls cry.How about how homophobic you are so you forced your kids into something they really don't want to do but you think it will toughen him up and make a real man out of him. How about when you tell your son not to trust women or never let a woman know what your thinking because she will take advantage of you.I could go on and on but you know what I'm saying .You might not like it or even agree but one thing you can't do is deny that it doesn't happen. You cannot give the time it takes to raise kids you are to busy with work and when you do come home what about the down time you need to unwind.We women don't no what that is we have no down time.Now don't get me wrong I'm not talking about all men just the ones who think they can do what we do. I will say that maybe just maybe there are about 1or2% ccould do a good job and give your kids all that they need.

Answer 5

If it's based on lies and deceits then it won't hold in court right?...I have never fought my daughter's custody, he wanted 50/50 and I agreed to it cause I understand she needs her father as much as her mom but deep inside me I do feel I am more of a parent to her then he is....maybe because I gave her life and I'm the one who made the biggest sacrifice for her.... I don't know. If you've been a good father no one can take away your right as a father. Look at Hasseloff.....how many times they caught him drunk dead and he still got the full custody of his daughter.....

Answer 6

Whoa, pal, not ALL women do this. You seem to have a deep hatred of women that was probably there before you met your wife or had kids. You have a lot of blame to go around but seem to have forgotten to recognize your own accoutability. What about men who abandon their kids? What about men that use child support as a way to continue controlling their wives lives? What about a society that congratulates men for dumping the "old" wife for some "trophy wife"? From the way you talk about women I sincerely hope you speak to a therapist.

Answer 7

Women go through hell those 9 months. There is a special bond to the mother and child and normally that persuades judges to have the kids stay with the mom. Moms have special instincts that dads dont. not to say that dads aren't needed in the childs life for a healthy growth.

Answer 8

because they think they gave birth, so they OWN the kids
i think kids are belonging more to the father