I said "Yes" when my fiance proposed for a number of reasons; He makes me laugh, he's smart , he has a warm heart...the list goes on and on. For the most part, we both want the same things out of life, but I'm getting frustrated with his level of maturity. He doesn't have the money to spare to help me with the car payment, but he seems to have enough dough to go out and have fun. He never graduated from high school and, though he talks about getting his GED, doesn't put forth any effort to actually DO it. He's in quite a bit of debt and, though I've been bugging him to start cleaning it up, he hasn't paid on anything in the past 4 years. He's 27, and I'm 24, but I feel like I live with a 12 year old. He spends all his spare time on the computer or playing with the xbox. I'm at my wits end with him, and I feel like the only responsible one in the relationship. How can I convince him to grow up a bit and act like an adult? I do want to be with him, but I can't if he behaves like a child!
2007-07-02 05:30:14 · 21 answers · asked by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Clearly, I love him or I would have kicked him to the curb years ago, instead of looking for a solution to this.
2007-07-02 05:44:01 · update #1
LOL...No! He has never done drugs. He's just very social and...well...I guess kinda selfish.
2007-07-02 05:46:18 · update #2
robnclaw2854,
No, I do not have to rearrange my purchases. Everything we own is under my name because I have great credit. I work full time, and I'm paying my way through school, in addition to paying 50% of the household bills. I've got my head on straight, thanks.
2007-07-02 05:50:34 · update #3
Some folks grow up slower and that's fine...but you need to communicate your concerns to him because marriage is a mega-dose of reality. There are real financial obligations associated with day-to-day living and making a marriage work. You need every confidence that he can fulfill his share of that arrangement before you walk down any aisles. Life will throw you some serious curves...it's inevitable and it happens to everyone. How you handle these things usually determines your success as a couple and as people in general, so you have to both face them realistically. Anyone can change though, and he may surprise you. There's no rush to marry right away, is there?
2007-07-02 05:39:03 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
For most it is a problem if they never get off of it.I am one of those ''entitled'' people you are speaking about.I have foodstamps which yes is alot of money I get $800 a month and I am in a household of 5.My husband works but only makes about $1000 a month after taxes.Yes we both dropped out a very stupid decision and yes I got pregnant shortly there after.I am on medicaid and yes it's a big help being able to take my kids to the doctor and I only use it if I am really sick or during my pregnancies.I am also on WIC which helps me with milk and formula for my kids.All of that costs alot but you are wrong about us staying in our predricament.My husband is currently going to back to school so he can get a better job and I am going to start soon.We don't live in the projects but a 2bedroom country house that has alot of problems.So I would say the government is definitely helping people like me and my family but others stay on it way too long.And believe it or not it's kinda hard to get approved I've been without it some months and that normally meant no food to eat.Depends on the Social Worker.Some are nice and want to give it to you and others I would even say are racist.Your white so you don't need help.I'm not on welfare and you can only get welfare for 5 years of your entire life.Yes there are people that love being on it so they don't have to work.You technically are suppose to have everyone in your household working unless they are a care giver( like I am to my kids) but there are ways around that as well.You can either be looking for a job or just take a job skills class and your still qualified.So maybe you shouldn't classify everyone needing help from the government as the same.They are spending more nowadays on it because of the economy.Fewer jobs mean more people don't have a paycheck coming in.Why that's a big priority.
2016-05-21 02:35:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently you have asked him several times and he doesn't seem to care. I would tell him that you are leaving. If he wants you back he can go back to school and get his GED, then he can start cleaning up his debt situation, if he's 27 and doesn't have anymore ambition than this then he most likely won't ge it.
You on the other hand are still very young and have the world ahead of you, and there are other guys who will make you laugh, and have a warm heart, and are smarter than he is...if he was smart he would see that getting his GED would at least improve his chances at a higher paid job.
I think before you consider going back to him you need to see significant changes, such as the high school GED diploma, receipts that bills are paid off and so on...don't just tell him he has to change and listen to his promises and go back in a couple of months, then you let him get away with it and he'll be back to his old ways and won't finish school.
If you marry him with all his debt you will be acquiring his debt...making you also responsible for it.
If he doesn't change leave...you will be fine! Do it before it is too late and then you are torn with children and other things to consider before leaving him.
Best of Luck!
2007-07-02 05:41:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is a loser, no offense to him but I know of almost no company that would have good pay or benefits for some one with not even a GED. No matter how nice he is or how much you love him. Money and his maturity will ruin any love you have with him, if you do end up marrying him.
He is a horrible role model if you ever had children with him, he has no future, if you ever got fired or layed off from a future job you will be even in worse shape and mostly when you get married you will be responsible for his debt as well.
My Advice is to laydown some ground rules as you are the most responsible, will have the best job and end up doing most of the "real" work if you ever do marry him. Mostly tell him to get off his lazy butt and get his GED, a real job, and pay off his debt as it is only going to get worse.
He is not Smart, if he had even had half a brain he would of atleast graduated from high school or gotten his GED damn near 10 years ago. Mostly if he ever does get his GED he will need to go to night School and get some more training to get a good job. But that all seems to much of a effort for a lazy bum that you love.
I am sorry if I sound bad for saying it but the way he is, he will also be a leech on you for the rest of your life. I am only 21 years old, but I have graduated from high school, and have been trying to get into my local Union and have a stready well paying job as it stand, so honestly I don;t know jack about love or even much about life but I know you could do much better then the leech that you love.
2007-07-02 09:29:10 · answer #4 · answered by morrisville75 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Big Problem, indeed.
Tough decision? Not really.
Your fiance has a lot of growing up to do. It takes a lot of courage to do so, but it sounds like this engagement needs to be broken off. Based on his track record, your fiance is not going to change any time soon. And, there is nothing that YOU can do to change him. That is something that he has to do himself...and FOR himself! People who change for someone else are only as motivated to continue their 'new' behavior for as long as they 'respect' the person they are changing for. What happens when he gets mad at you? If he changes for you or because of you, when things start going sour, he's going to BLAME you.
You can not have a marriage by yourself. And, unless you are willing to ACCEPT that this is who he is and how he is... that means that YOU will always be the responsible one, the one who has to take care of everything - like his mother, not his lover... then you have to break things off. Don't let the number of years you've been together override your common sense.
Possible outcome: you MIGHT mean enough to him that he'll take you leaving as a wake-up call. He may make the changes you've been looking for - proceed with caution. They have to be PERMANENT changes, not just some little things to appease you.
Another possible outcome: he might tell you how wrong you are, or that it's YOUR loss, etc. In which case, this will merely confirm that you're right - he is immature and you deserve to find a man that is on the same level as yourself.
Don't settle when it comes to the rest of your life. You're worth so much more than that!
2007-07-02 05:41:23 · answer #5 · answered by amazing_creation 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U are the opposite of everything he is WHICH IS WHY HE NEEDS YOU !!! Humor , Charm and Warmth it is not a reason to spend a life time with someone . U seem like a frustrated big sister complaining about her little brother , He's found some one to be all he cannot , responsible , thrustworty , smart ,WHICH IS WHY HE PROPOSED !
Assume u had no emotional ties to him , It was a roomate with this behavior would u still put up with it . Us girls get caught up in emotion instead of logic , something that just makes sense!!! RUN and Run fast before u have 2 annoying kids just like him LOL!!
2007-07-02 06:11:24 · answer #6 · answered by NOLA GURL!!! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read what you just wrote and you will know the obvious thing to do. Thank Goodness you are not married yet. Sometimes guys like this never grow up, and if you are wanting more out of life then a lifetime of debt, money problems, and having the heavy of the bills and responsibilities laid on your shoulders then rethink continuing on with this relationship.
2007-07-02 05:34:30 · answer #7 · answered by Lynnae_1969 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rachel,
You sound like an intelligent lady. You are a victim of being a creature of habit. You keep going with this guy for years, but in your heart, you know he is more worried about himself and what he wants than you. Wake up, you think it's bad now how about waiting for a few years more, if you get married and have kids then you'll be supporting and caring for two people instead of one. This marriage sounds like it is doomed from the start. All you will do is give yourself more headaches.
Start dating other people and see how good it can be. You can give Mr. Slacker a few ultimatums but eventually he will resent you trying to change him. Just hang it up and stay away. I know it is tough to think about, and it is what you are used to having. It is time for a change, you are laying the foundation for the rest of your life, and you sound like you deserve more than this guy is going to give you.
Seriously, think about what I've said, and the others too. We are all trying to help you not make a mistake. good luck.
2007-07-02 10:19:51 · answer #8 · answered by Fordman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you with him because you love him or are you with him because you "want to change him?" what you see now is what you are going to get! the funds between you do not become mutual until you both say i do @ which time you become husband and wife...
if you are having financial problems perhaps you should be doing a little rearranging of purchases yourself...
also an education doesn't always make a person irresponsible, he must work sometime for he has funds to squander...
you need to be asking yourself, "am i ready and do i really want the responsibility of marriage @ this time to this man? ! "
you are young and perhaps you should take time away from the situation to really look @ what is happening and reassess
what you want your future to be.
remember YOU are in control of your own life... listen to your brain NOT your heart!
good luck!
robn
2007-07-02 05:44:57 · answer #9 · answered by robnclaw2854 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh! I had a gamer boyfriend once, too. It made me so bitter!! The thing is, with any annoying trait, you can't "convince" anyone to change. You need to do some serious soul searching on your own and decide (once and for all!) to accept him just as he is right now. Could you love him and be happy married to him if he was never ever gonna change? If not, it sounds like things need to end. The impact that this decision you have made for yourself makes on him will be up to him.
2007-07-02 05:37:44 · answer #10 · answered by kelsey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋