I dont know if I can trust my husband. Should I leave him?

Question

My husband just got a job at a fast food restaurant and I don't want him to work there. I told him to find a man's job not a high school kid job. The reason why I cant trust him is because a couple of jobs he has had has ( years ago) resulted in him cheating on me. I know people say once a dog always a dog, he has proven not to be unfaithful for the past 3 years but that doesnt mean he wont do it again. I told him if he ever cheated again I would leave him. I'm tired of living with this fear. I love him but how do I know he wont do it again. We have our kids and he has matured since then and he tells me that he hates himself for what he put me through years ago. I was very hurt by him and argue about his past with him even today. I never let it die. Should I trust him? Or is it too drastic if I leave him before he gives me a reason to.

Answer 1

So is the a problem with the job or your trust?

Answer 2

No if he has proven to be faith full in three years I think you should let him work where ever he wants as longs as he working and just give him enough rope to hang himself let him do something wrong before you judge him.. trust him but don't be blind investigate keep your guard up and just wait what ever he do you will catch right away because you have your guards up, and working in fast food restaurants is not a boy's job he is working bottom line and is honest work.. don't put him down for it or you going to open a whole new can of whoop *** men tend to use things like this to find a way to say well she always putting me down is an open door for cheating.. Support him in everything he does so when he does or if he does cheats on you he will have no excuses but the truth he was a cheating dog all along.. for now he is not and three years is a long time.. maybe he is cured.. quit tormenting him for the past.. try and be happy.. good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like you still haven't dealt with what happened in the past.
Because if you have, you wouldn't be bringing it up to him all the time.
You need to deal with it, and decide whether you are going to forgive or not.

If you are going to forgive, then forgive. It's been 3 years and he hasn't earned your trust back yet, will he ever?

If not, then you need to move on.

Trust in a relationship is one of the most important tools.
Yes, he cheated in the past...but possibly that was truly a mistake. Maybe he was too immature at that time, and now has grown up a bit.
If it were to happen more than once, then you can no longer call it a mistake. Then it becomes a habit or just part of who they are.
Then you move on.

I feel you have to give a person a chance to learn from their mistakes.
Yes, you might be putting your feelings out there again, and yes they might get hurt again....but then you will have your answer.

Nothing worthwhile comes easy.
Especially when it comes to relationships.
Usually the ones that take the most work, are the ones that last the longest.

It sounds like he's trying now, but are you?
Please don't think that I'm coming down hard on you. I just want you to look at this with totally open eyes, so you don't regret your decision.

Yes, when he cheated on you, you were probably the one trying to make the relationship work...and he wasn't.
Well now maybe he's trying and you aren't

In order for it to work through a devastation as this, you both need to be working on the relationship at the same time.

I wish you well....hope this helped and gave you another way of looking at it :)

Answer 4

Your husband has a job. You don't like it because high school kids can get such a job and he might cheat on you. I'd think lots of jobs would be easier to cheat with than a fast food one.

The jobs did not result in his cheating on you. He did that. If you can't let it go, perhaps leaving him would be best, but it's hard to understand why you didn't go sooner unless you just now decided he should be making more money or have a higher status job.

Get counseling for yourself or the two of you or go. This question is all over the place about what your problem is and why you want to go. He's given you a reason to leave, but since you didn't leave then, you've tacitly forgiven him (That was the rule from the bad old days of "gotcha" divorce.)

Answer 5

I don't know if you're the problem or if he is... If you're sure that for the past three years, he hasn't cheated, then you need to give him a little bit of credit. He shouldn't have cheated in the first place... But at the same time, you can't keep him on a leash. If he wants to cheat, he'll find a way to cheat. Temptation isn't only at fast food restaurants... It's everywhere. It sounds to me like he made a big mistake and he realizes it. It's been three years now... Let it go. You aren't doing this relationship any good.

If you honestly have no trust in him, then there's no point in being with him. A relationship with no trust is not a relationship at all.

Answer 6

If treat someone like a criminal everyday then they eventually will decide to be a criminal since they are already being punished for it. You need to forgive and let it go or end it.

People don't cheat if they are getting everything they need from their spouse because they are too happy to cheat. Your marriage needed help before and now all you are doing is blaming your husband. He's the perfect scape goat because he has an affair, but that's not going to solve the problem.

I think your husband should leave you since it obvious you aren't going to take responsibility for your side of the problems.

If you honestly want to work on your marriage, then you need to stop asking questions like this. The only thing you are doing is opening up an old wound. Loving someone is accepting them completely (good with the bad), its the sharing your own joy with each other, NOT them doing this or that or getting you something. Love is as simple as watching baby ducklings in the park with each other. The willingness to share is love.

If you still foolishly think it his job to make you happy then you are mistaken. Its your own job to make you happy. When you first met you didn't make each other happy, you made each other "happier" by sharing your individual happiness with each other.

Life is as simple or as hard as you make it out to be.

Answer 7

You have got to be kidding. You blame his cheating on his job? His cheating has absolutely nothing to do with his JOB! He has cheated on you, because he doesn't love you. Simple and basic. I'm sure it hurts, but he's gotten away with it up until this point, why would he stop now? He has a wife and children and he's still allowed to go out and screw some broad.

You have children. You can't raise them in this atmosphere. Their mother is miserable because their father is disrespecting her. I don't care how old they are, they are suffering.

You should never trust him again. You'll be happy you didn't, because that's when you'll meet the man of your dreams. It is definitely not your husband. Good Luck

Answer 8

Hi first of all, the "job" didn't make him cheat. He cheated on his own free will. Don't excuse away what he's done and don't think just because opportunity presents itself that he will cheat because of it. It all comes down to two things, 1. self control and 2. what does he value. He has shown in the past that he didn't value you and his children enough not to cheat and hence, put the family in jeopardy. Not all women will stay with a cheating husband, but sadly, enough do so that men don't really think of the consequences. They figure they have a 60% chance that if caught, their wife won't leave them. And that is what makes so many of them do it. Now, since you chose to stay with him, you are going to have to learn to let this fear go. Forgiveness is easier then forgetness...but if you want your marriage to work, you are going to have to forget since you chose to forgive. If you can't do that, and it seems that in 3 years you haven't, then you should just go ahead and leave. Living like you are can't be good for either of you. You are always wondering when the next big fall is coming, and he's walking on egg shells because you are hounding him all the time. Not a healthy marriage. And it's not your fault he cheated, but it is your fault since you chose to stay. As I said, either forget or move on. Those are your only two choices. Good luck.

Answer 9

WELL, If anyone wanted to cheat they would do it in a heartbeat take it or leave it. It happened once but as it would seem he changed his ways and he takes care of his family so give him the benefit of the doubt and forget where he works ... Jobs/skills/career and all that stuff has nothing to do with or prevent from cheating. Sorry. Again you can't live your life in fear that he will cheat so make a wise decision sooner than later.

Answer 10

Why did he get a job at fast food? Was it because that's all he could get, or does he just want to play around? If he's willing to work on your marriage, he will look for another job that doesn't put him in a compromising situation.

If you're going to give him a chance, you need to give it to him instead of constantly digging up the past. Don't bring it up to him again. Trust your instincts too... they're usually right on.

Good luck to you.

Answer 11

If he wants to fool around he will do so at whatever job he has. A better job is no guaranttee in that area, so what does the job have to do with it...besides being a low-paying no skills needed job? Doesn't he have any skills?
The trust is another issue, but since you didn't break up three years ago, you should trust him again until he gives you reason not to. I know that's a very difficult thing to do, it will take a lot of faith on your part.