I am dating an addict. He has been in recovery but keeps relapsing. He told me yesterday that he relapsed a month ago. We already ahve trust issues b/c of his past cheating. What do I do??? Does this indicate that it is likely that he is cheating as well. He didn't tell me about the relapse b/c we just got back together 2 months ago and doesn't want to lose me. Soemone who understands this way of thinking please help!!!
2007-07-02 04:32:49 · 7 answers · asked by pink 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is always easy to stay clean if you aren't around the problem. The hard part is staying away from the drugs and alcohol. As long as he is going to continue to use he is going to continue to lie. I've been there. No one can make him stay clean...not even you. He's got to want it more than anything. It took me going to an in-patient rehab for 8 days, then an out-patient rehab for 45 days, NA meetings for 90 days everyday. I had to lose all my friends and do what I had to do to stay clean. I almost lost my children and my husband and I'm only 26. I have been clean for 2 years now, but if I were to put myself around the drugs and alcohol again I can't promise anyone that I wouldn't use again. If he's not willing to drop everything and change for him, he'll never quit using or lying.
2007-07-02 04:48:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is to swallow you need to understand this: It does not matter how much you love him or how much he loves you, as long as he is using, he will hurt you. It does not matter how great his intentions are one minute, the drug, when he is in active addiction, will always be more important to him than you.
I am an alcoholic who has been sober for two and a half years. I met my boyfriend in recovery. He is an alcoholic/drug addict. He'd been clean nine months when we started seeing each other. About a year later he relapsed, big time. He lost his job because he couldn't make it to work, he blew all of his student loan money, would disappear for days at a time and not answer his phone, he lost me as his girlfriend, the woman he claimed to want to marry, he burned bridges with all his family and friends and the list goes on. He showed up at my door suicidal from the mess he'd made out of his life and I found a no income treatment center for him. It was a six month long term program that allowed you to work after the first month to save some money for getting on your feet. He stayed clean for a month and a half then left after the first paycheck came in and got high, right back where he started.
The thing is, he hates what he is doing. He prays everyday to stop and makes all kinds of promises that he cannot keep despite his best intentions. I won't let him live with me because a person in active addiction is always going to be dishonest and manipulative and basically a user of people. It is the saddest thing in the world, to watch someone in recovery relapse and what it does in their life, and yours if you let them. If you stay with him without boundaries, what you will and won't tolerate, there is a huge road of pain waiting for you.
One other thing, I suggest you go to a support group like Al-ANON where people like you, who are the loved ones of drug addicts and alcoholics learn about he addictive personalty and learn how to love in a detached way.
I'm truly sorry for you and wish you the strength to take care of yourself instead of falling into the trap. You can't win and more often than not, you don't help the person you only enable them. They have to help themselves. My treatment center and AA and NA suggest that addicts/alcoholics in recovery should not be in a serious relationship until they have had one year of recovery without relapse. Good luck.
2007-07-02 04:56:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's possible he's cheating as well but I don't think hiding a relapse means he is definitely hiding other things. It doesn't sound good though. At any rate, it's not good for you to be dating someone who is constantly relapsing, it's not good for your sobriety. What is it in you that is drawing you to a person who is still active? If you are in a program, your sponsor would probably tell you possibly shouldn't be dating this guy. Al-Anon may help you here.
2007-07-05 00:37:05 · answer #3 · answered by Pico 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My feeling is several people here have given you some good suggestions and answered very honestly and openly. What you do now is what you must live with. I agree he needs to work on him NOW. This is life and death for people like us. ( sobered up in 93 by the grace of God. )
Possibly move on and if it is meant to be ........ well in Gods time not ours
2007-07-02 04:53:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is the center of his own world.
Everything is about him.
If he doesn't feel good the world sucks.
If he feels good the world is perfect.
If he wants to cheat its about him feeling better.
If he hurts you it doesn't matter because its all about him not you.
Addicts are some of the most self centered people.
2007-07-02 05:58:48 · answer #5 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's not ready for a relationship until he conquers these issues, period. You will only be hurt over and over again. If you want that, stay with him. RED FLAGS.
2007-07-02 04:36:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
stay away, he is not a healthy person in any way. sooner or later he will hurt you, himself, or others in some way.
2007-07-02 04:39:54 · answer #7 · answered by eddie b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋