I have been in a long term relationship for over 8 yrs, feeling insecure and therefore clingy to my livin boyfriend (more like husband) I also have gained about 35 pounds since we met. We were fighting and I told him I was insecure because were not "intimate" as often anymore he said in these words "When we make love it's cause I love you not because I think your hot". It hurt me to hear him say that what would you do? We also work full time together and have recently moved to a city where he has family and friends and I have nobody so I like always want to be with him. He's distance himself and wants us to seperate for a week or two just to have some space...I am going to lose weight and try to let go.
2007-07-02 04:27:33 · 11 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just moved to be with his family and friends and now he wants to separate. What a prince!
Dump him and try to find some security in yourself. The pattern in this relationship is not good, but his remark about sex is actually positive. He might think lots of women are hot, but he only has sex with the ones he loves. (That cuts down on lots of possibilities.)
2007-07-02 04:33:38 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm answering this because I am a stylist as well, and I know many people don't understand if we have a shitty day. They happen; whether it's the fact that you end up with 90 kids cuts where the parent's tip you 50 cents each, or the bitchy women who say everything you do is wrong when they know nothing of hair. I understand your frustration. However, if he were a good boyfriend, he would be there. He would be talking to you about it, or at least let you vent to him about it. I'm pretty positive my boyfriend could care less about how shitty my clients are, but he listens, and he pretends to care. And, really, that's all you need when you are that upset. When you come out of a ten hour day with 20 bucks in tips, you need someone to cry AT (not to) and a boyfriend is what you always feel you need the most. It doesn't matter if he's the president, or a Walmart employee. He should listen if he cares, because that is what a boyfriend is for. If he had a shitty day at work, you would listen because you care. It is absolutely no different. Talk to him about it before you make any rash decisions, but let him know that the fact that he would rather spend some time away (which is fine! natural, normal, and HEALTHY) should not interfere with the times that you need him most.
2016-05-21 02:14:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure his comment about making love is a slam ?? Even if you are the hottest woman in the world, you would not want a guy to make love to you because you are hot.... I would think you would want him to make love to you because he loves you. Really good looking women have problems with "knowing" that someone loves them for who they are, rather than for how they look. Gaining 35 lbs. is not the end of the world, and certainly does not put you into a "fat" category. It is only natural to cling to him more when he is absolutely the ONLY person you know right now. He is on his own stomping ground now, which would make anyone insecure. The only thing that really bothers me is his comment about wanting to separate to have some space. I read a ladies magazine article entitled, “What do you do when they come crawling back?? (and they ALWAYS will)”. I thought it was garbage at the time, and that my man would NEVER crawl back to me after we had separated…. But by gosh…. He did come crawling back. There is an old world saying about men….If they want to go into a cave to be alone for a while, let them go. If you go into the cave after them, you will be burned by the dragon. I would let him go for a while, do NOT call him, act like he is a “friend” only at work, and take some time to work on yourself and shed a few of those pounds. You probably look just great the way you are, but losing a little weight always gives us women a feeling of more control and more confidence. Men like confident women. Good Luck Sweetie !!!
2007-07-02 04:49:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's never a good idea to live with someone and work with them too. You need a life separate from his. Now, all your eggs are in his basket. If you leave, you have nobody, but, he will be ok. I think he needs to grow up. All women want to hear they are attractive. So what if you gained some weight? People get comfortable in relationships and gain weight. I think you should let this guy go. Pick yourself up, get out of there, start over. This time be in charge of your life. you do not need someone else to survive. You gotta like yourself too, you know? I wish you a lot of luck.
2007-07-02 04:50:22 · answer #4 · answered by non o u biznis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at it from both perspectives. Are you too clingy? Can you go out and find new friends? Men do not like to constantly hear about their significant others insecurities. I know that for a fact. It drives my husband nuts, for me to constantly gripe about my weight.
What he said to be truthful is actually sweet. To make love one must be in love. If he is telling you that is why you make love, do not be upset. Attraction is important. But if he did not find you attractive, then you probably would not have sex.
If a trial separation is what he really wants, but you do not want it, then really talk it over with him. Make sure that he listens to you as well as you listen to him. Communicate.
2007-07-02 04:39:33 · answer #5 · answered by princess m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are really insecure. You took what he said to make you feel better the wrong way. He loves you, but if you keep acting the way that you do, you will lose him. Stop clinging to him, give him the room he needs to breath. Find something to do in your spare time. If you chose to lose weight, make sure that it is for you. Stop being insecure and realize that if he didn't want to be with you, you wouldn't have been with him for 8 years.
2007-07-02 04:36:27 · answer #6 · answered by cinnatigg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he really loved you you'd be a turn on for him when you gain 5 or 50 pounds. The hardest part is how you are feeling about yourself. Lose weight for you and you only. Do it to make yourself feel better, not to make him think better of you. Maybe a seperation would be best.....for you. Keep your chin up! Best wishes.
2007-07-02 04:37:28 · answer #7 · answered by reel_diva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So what advice do you need ? Sounds like your boyfriend loves you and has the strength to be honest ( regardless if he does it in poor taste ). The strongest relationships are when two people support each other. This does not mean picking someone up off the ground. That has to be done by oneself.
2007-07-02 04:39:12 · answer #8 · answered by Ray2play 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you lose weight for you. Secondly get out and find you some friends or hobbies no one likes to be smothered.
Thirdly sex everyday doesn't means that its an act of loving you.You need to love you GET UP GET OUT and DO some of the things that interest you. GOOD LUCK give things sometime and it'll all smooth out.
2007-07-02 04:48:17 · answer #9 · answered by cwallflower32 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not the role of the spouse to make us happy.
We ourselves are the only person that can make us happy.
Loving our spouse is sharing our happiness and making them happier (not happy).
You are being very insecure and you need to get a grip on it so you can share your happiness. Try focusing on the positive like your husbands love for you is stronger than what you look like on the outside.
2007-07-02 05:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋