Why are we hurt so deeply when people say negative things about us?

Answer 1

I can only speak for myself. Other people may feel differently. For me, it echoes the hurtful comments I endured as a child growing up in a highly dysfunctional environment. It echoes that feeling of not being good enough, of being worthless to those who you love and trust the most.

It's interesting, but negative comments from strangers mean nothing to me. It is like water sliding off my back. They do not penetrate. The moment you become someone I trust and love, your words will have a profound impact on my self esteem.

Answer 2

At all times, I consider the source. If something negative has been said about me, I look at who is making the comment and their motivation. I do not allow myself to be hurt or upset by people I don't respect and situations over which I have no control. I lead the best life I possibly can, so that anything negative said will be dismissed by those who know me well, or will recognize it as untruthful.

We need to take responsibility for how we act out in the world...and should be working towards not giving anyone a reason to say negative things about us. And then recognizing those who will find negativity in anything...and keeping them as far from us as possible.

Answer 3

Well, all I can say is to be firm about your decision of still welcoming your mom and her side of the family into your life. If she makes decisions to not want to be around others, that's her choice... but she can't make your choices for you. There are settings in Facebook for her to control privacy, and not allow 3rd parties (i.e., friends of friends) see the things she posts, or her pictures, or even know that she is your friend. If she cares enough about you, she'll adjust those, and just grow up already and leave you alone. I mean, seriously... we cannot change people, and they should not try to control us into doing their will. I don't know how you could even help her with the issues with her mother... If she doesn't want to seek help herself. She's too hurt to accept some things, or to go to therapy, or to just... be civil with her own mother... So that's not something you can do much about. You could have a sincere talk with her, and relay your concern, and that she's alienating herself only, from family, friends, and loved ones, by just wanting to punish your mother, and say your part... and how short life is, and it's just not worth it, considering your mother is very ill... But that's about it. It's painful when our siblings go back into these 'childhood' roles of hurt and withdrawal... and sometimes only therapy can help with that. Best of luck.

Answer 4

Negative statements coming from others violate our sense of self-worth and acceptance because most people are socialized by the way other people (parents, friends or siblings) see them and by the way others speak to them. If what one hears is negative, it demotes the reflection of any positive image one may perceive of himself. Since human beings are social creatures, most people with normal emotional affect are disappointed when those around them criticize or berate characteristics they observe in them. The more immutable those characteristics are (for example, height, weight or facial features), the more deeply hurt one may be because they take a longer time and more effort to change or they may be completely, unable to alter them.

Answer 5

Ego.

The ego is a parasite, making us think we can't possibly survive without it. There was a reason for it in the first place, but it grew and grew to an enormous size, taking over an area such as sexual, or mental, or even our spiritual self, making us rather eccentric. Like a wheel (circle) that is out of round. Ego, like a child, needs to be put into perspective and balanced. Without that, it can sap our energies, and/or sufficate us and others.
Our egos keep us from one another, separating us from the other egos. Keeping us from the truth, causing us to believe lies about another, etc. It keeps us attached to this world.

Answer 6

I think that as human beings we aren't programmed to accept negativity. When someone says something negative to me, it makes me think. "Well they only said it because it's true right?" So then I spend like hours mulling over what the person may have said and whether or not it's true. Then that just sets me off into a roller coaster of emotional doubt and low self esteem.

Answer 7

It does not neccesarily mean one is insecure or anything if one is hurt by a comment. It has to do with who the person is who says the negative person, and whether it is true or not. It just means we are humans who care about other people or our own reputation. Of course, we sometimes need to get over comments if we do not care about the person who says it, but my point is, we are all human, and we are going to feel bad when people we care about insult us.

Answer 8

I think we all want to be liked and when someone says bad things about us, especially when they're not true, it hurts because we don't get it. We feel betrayed and embarrassed. The older you get, I think the less other people's opinions of you matter. At least I have found that to be true. You become more comfortable with who you are and different things become important to you. Other's opinions don't bother us as much because we are secure in who we are.

Answer 9

Only those that are insecure, non confident, or those who lack integrity would be fazed by a negative comment directed towards them personally. Those who want to stay positive and/or happy wouldn't waste their time feeling hurt.

Answer 10

We are all looking for acceptance and we see criticism as rejection. Although our rational belief should be that we're all equal, but different. Judgment is often offered by those who are afraid to look at themselves.