my hubby cheated on me and i'm now dealing with what i can only describe as feelings of depression. somedays the stupidest little thing starts me off crying. do you think that counselling would help?
2007-07-02 04:09:45 · 19 answers · asked by katrina c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counselling will absolutely help, but you need to have realistic expectations for what can be accomplished. Will it make everything in the relationship automatically better? No, but it will give you a safe forum to voice your feelings about the violation of trust you've experienced, as well as probe root causes for the behavior in the first place. IT's worth it no matter what the outcome will ultimately be. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I wish you the best as you recover.
2007-07-02 04:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by Captain S 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Couseling is up to you, if go into it with a feeling like its gonna work, it could, but if u dont think it will help, it wont.
You need to be prepared to hear things that you just dont want to hear when at couselling. You may find out he has cheated on you numerous times, or that the affair is still happening. Marriage counselling can help, because you get an outsiders point of view, and some tips to restore the marriage to the healthy state it once was.
Personal counselling I think would be a waste. Just ask yourself if you still trust him, if you can ever get past waht he did, or if you would be happier leaving. Are you afraid he will do it again?
The depression you feel could be because you feel guilty, like you did something to make him cheat. let me say this much, it is not your fault. You could also be depressed, and if you really are, see your doc because meds and counselling could help then.
My best advice is that if you can't get past it, and if you can't trust him anymore, then you need to get divorced. It is a difficult decision that only you can make, but what is a marriage without trust? If you worry about where he is and what he's doing when he has to 'work late' or goes out with his buddies, then maybe a divorce is the right answer. But if you can get past it, then it may make your marriage stronger.
Most people say once a cheater, always a cheater, and though I have known of that to be true in some cases, I also know of cheaters that had that one lapse in judgement, and it never happened again, so there are cases that fall under a one time thing.
Were you having problems when it happened? Have they been resolved? There are a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself before deciding on a divorce, couselling, or staying married.
Best of luck to you, and I hope everything works out one way or the other to make you happier in the long run.
2007-07-02 04:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Always Right 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Katrina, I'm so sorry to hear this. I too have only recently found out my husband has had sex with 16 other women since we were married (he's a sex addict apparently) and the pain is unbelievable I know. You haven't said if you are still with him or not but I found counselling really helpful and if you are feeling depressed also go to your gp. They can help if you have a good one. It's been 3 months for me and it is still hard but you will move on if that's what you want to do. Put yourself first, don't be emotionally blackmailed and take help from friends and family where it's offered. Stay strong, xxx
2007-07-02 08:06:37 · answer #3 · answered by Jackie S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely yes. I have lived with infidelity in a marriage, and marital counseling--both together and apart--can help dissect the reasons for the infidelity, the healing factors involved, and what to do next. You are depressed because you have had your illusions about the relationship shattered; your trust and security have also been shattered. If your husband is truly sorry, this is a good beginning. Good luck and God bless.
2007-07-02 04:40:47 · answer #4 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counselling could indeed help you a lot, but I think that the most important thing for you to do now is to talk things over with your husband.
Sometimes although others have hurt us we feel guilty ourselves blaming us of undeserved wrong doings.
That´s is why you need to discuss your feelings openly with your husband, hear him up and try to discover, together, the two of you, what it has happened in your marriage that has resulted in his infidelity.
Once things are openly in the air you´ll see how much easier is to start understanding and resolving the situation.
At the same time you will begin to feel physically and mentally stronger and consequently better prepare to face your everyday life.
2007-07-02 05:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by purpleanai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes It would help you a lot, but it would not change the past.
Do you think what happened should ruin your life. As I have said before to others.........
When you start to think about it a get depressed, Think of something else, a problem, something you are going to do. Think of how you are going to do it. You can't think of two things at once. It becomes automatic after a while and you do it without thinking.
Also, you must protect yourself and do what you have to, to make sure you come out of it al O K
2007-07-02 05:04:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, counseling might help you. You need to remember that his behavior is a reflection of his character defect. You may not want to spend the rest of your life with a man with this type of character. It's dangerous and you deserve better. This isn't the end of the world. Believe me, you may think you had a great husband, but a man who does this, isn't commited to any relationship and isn't capable of real love.
2007-07-02 05:32:36 · answer #7 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might - but you need to decide that for yourself - we can't say yes or no - the timing has to be right for YOU! No one else.
If you go and the time isn't right you will not benefit from it because you will still have all the anger and conflict within. The only thing I can say is - when the time is right - you will pick up the phone and ring - not before.
All you have to do is find someone to talk to - email me if you need any more advice or assistance in finding the right course of action
2007-07-02 04:14:56 · answer #8 · answered by jamand 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes do it. You feel so vunerable and weak when infidelity has scorned.
You need to understand that this didn't happen because of you..... it was him. If someone is going to cheat they are and that is that, if you were skinnier, prettier, paid him more attention it would still would of happened.
Take time to heal yourself properly or it will come back to haunt you.
Take care.
2007-07-02 05:44:22 · answer #9 · answered by bambam 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling has been a great help to me. I've felt that way before, too.
By the way, if you try one counselor and decide you don't like him/her, just try another one. My first counselor was not right for me, but my second was great.
2007-07-02 04:25:03 · answer #10 · answered by Mel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋