My man is a compulsive liar. He lies about the stupidest little things, but big things also. He has stolen money from me numerous times, and more recently told me that a friendship he had made was with a man (but was really a girl). I have asked him to break off the friendship. My reasoning is that if he were genuine he wouldn't have lied to me about it in the first place.
I think that I've had enough. I love him but cannot handle being lied to daily.
He says it will stop and that he will make it up to me.
What should I do?
2007-07-02 03:57:10 · 14 answers · asked by Angie R 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We have 3 young children.
2007-07-02 04:04:05 · update #1
You refer to him as your man, so I take it that you aren't married. That is good, because you can just walk away. He is what he is, and if he were sincere and cared about you, he wouldn't be doing the things he does to you.
Have some dignity and self-esteem, care about yourself, and don't let him take you for granted, he doesn't deserve you.
2007-07-02 04:07:06 · answer #1 · answered by Tweety 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be understandable for someone to tell a little lie in certain circumstances. For example, if I was your husband and I came home an hour later than normal. The truth of why I was an hour late was because I was out getting your new car lined up and taken care of for our 10th anniversary present. So I may tell you I had to work late, I had an errand I needed to run or something like that to keep you from knowing that I was actually at the car dealership. In truth, that is a lie, I would be deceiving you to keep you from knowing the truth of where I was and what I was doing. All of it would be done because I would want to surprise you with your gift on a specific day when you wake up to go to work and walk outside to get in your old car to find it missing and a new one there. Some people will say that is not even acceptable and others will say it is okay in an instance like that. Now stealing money, lying about if someone is a guy or girl, those are something that actually say a lot about his character and not anything good. You actually know deep in your heart if he can or will change and I am willing to bet that he will not. Habitual liars rarely stop lying. If the lies are something you can not deal with, then you need to call it quits and find someone that you can trust, because not trusting him will only cause a more difficult break up later on.
2007-07-02 11:17:40 · answer #2 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust your heart on this one. It's a hard thing to change (but doable). Lying and or being deceitful can overtake a person's life and before you know it your covering up lies with other lies. Tell your man straight up that you've had enough and can a lot better, then take some time to grieve the end of this relationship and go out and find yourself someone who will not play these childish games and treat you with the respect and honesty that we all deserve. Best of luck.
2007-07-02 11:03:32 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what BoomerDude said, only expect him to accuse you of making threats. Tell him you are not threatening him, you're just telling him the things he needs to do to keep you in the relationship. It's called setting boundaries. But don't do it at all unless you have the guts to follow through. The worst thing would be for you do lay down the law and then not stick to it. You have to be ready to walk out the minute he breaks one of your conditions, otherwise he will just go on using you and disrespecting you as he does now. It might take you leaving him and taking his kids away from him for him to wake up and see what a jerk he is and want to change. (Right now he doesn't have enough reason to change his ways.) And you have to face the possibility that he might not change and the marriage may not work out, despite your best efforts to save it. Good luck!
2007-07-02 13:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by historybuff33 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Angie,
If it's worth one more try, here's my advice.
Sit him down and tell him the only way you will continue in the marriage is 1) if he agrees to see a professional (WITH YOU IN ATTENDANCE) about his lying, 2) all future finances will be handled by you (make arrangements to have only 1 debit card, check his credit card balances frequently to be sure he's not getting cash advances, etc.), 3) he breaks off this "friendship" (trust me, it's heading for an affair if he doesn't) and 4) if you catch him in ANY indiscretions ("friendships", stealing, lying, money discrepancies) the marriage is over.
I think it's time he grew up (OK, it's way past time), but you already know that. If he truly has any value in his family, he will agree to everything. He really has no excuses or defenses to his actions and he knows it.
Be ready for lots of arguing, accusations of treating him like a child or making him feel like he's under scrutiny forever. If he's worth keeping, he'll not like it but he'll agree. Otherwise, I think the next decision is clearly yours.
Angie, as guys we're often not the smartest of the species. Some of us can be salvageable, but we sometimes need to be reminded of our priorities and promises and commitments. Your work is cut out for you, but you really hold all the cards...and you know it.
Good luck.
2007-07-02 11:24:59 · answer #5 · answered by boomerdude 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel a seed of doubt when he says he will change - then you know your answer. trust your instinct. a woman's instinct rarely fails. Do you want happiness or doubt to take over your life? Being deceived is such a horrible feeling, and one I won't allow myself to feel again. Take control of your life and don't let someone take the reins who doesn't know how to steer. You are more powerful than you know.
2007-07-02 11:07:54 · answer #6 · answered by mafarrar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, good, three kids. Unless you have a way to support them until you get to court, sorry for you.... The guy's a looser... Insist on therapy, or plan to have a terrible life with this one.... Next he'll be lying to you about how many girlfriends he really has....
2007-07-02 11:07:42 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with a compulsive lier? Can't be good for your mental health.
2007-07-02 11:01:32 · answer #8 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him... A liar will always be a liar. You wont ever be able to trust him. You can do better anyway right?!!
2007-07-02 11:04:58 · answer #9 · answered by Brooke M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you handle someone lying to you forever because he will do it again and why would you want anyone who would steal from you dump the loser
2007-07-02 11:11:38 · answer #10 · answered by constancevictoriaaa 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋