Do you stay in a relationship /marriage for the kids sake to keep the family together?

Question

3 kids one father ( all boys )
dont agree on parenting skills
money disagreements
lots negative feelings
one child needs lots medical help had cancer

Answer 1

Children are important to most parents, you have to think about how your choices affect them but you must also think of yourself. You maybe a parent but you are also an individual never forget that you also have the right to be happy, valued and treated with respect. If you value your relationship for you as well as your children and truley believe that you want it to succeed then work on it but if its not you will need to consider if what your partner brings to the relationship not only to you but your kids and if its all negative then seek help to get yourself and the kids into a more positive environment, stress and negativity will only compound and exacerbate a bad situation. A sick child, money problems and parenting skills are all large stressors to any relationship, you need to share the load, communicate and support each other and the kids. Is your partner responding this way because it is cultural or his way of coping? regardless you need to take care of you or you will be unable to cope and care for the children. Life is hard enough without having to cope with your kind of stressors. Sometimes the family is better off when the parents are separate but share the load but if you leave and take it all on yourself are you going to be better off? Your kids will understand even if not at first they will come to realise the motive of your actions regardless of your choice. If you can talk to him, tell him how you feel, tell him you need help, remind him he has a responsibility to his children and the committment he made to you. Keep the negative thoughts and you will end up with hate in your heart and you dont want to pass that on to your kids. Sorry I rambled - my heart goes out to you.

Answer 2

Staying together for the kids should be one of the reasons you stay together. But it should not be the only reason.
Have you two seeked help? I'm betting you're both under alot of stress because of the medical condition of your child (my prayers are with you, God bless you).

The things you seem to disagree about typcially come about from stress and taking each other for granted.

If you both could find it in yourselves to talk about those things, rahter than argue, you'll find that you can usually come to some sort of agreement on these things.
You have to try and look at it like a new beginning for the two of you, and you BOTH have to want to do it.
It sounds like you are hurtung by this, so why don't you make the first move and healing the situation. Tell her, even though it's hard right now, that you'd like to start fresh, and maybe take her on a date, and forget all your troubles for a while.

Then, when the mood is right, and some negative feelings have disappeared, talk to her about your issues together. You'd be surprised how well this can work if you both stay cool, and both want to make it work. That is the true key here.

Answer 3

Ok,I have three children.I stayed with my ex for 12 long years for the same reason.I finally came to the conclusion that this is not a reason.If you have tried to all your efforts and nothing changes,then you need to call it quits.Staying in a relationship for the childrens sake only has long term damage.The children can feel and sense the tension in the home and it only causes stress on them,not help them.They can still have a heathy relationship with both parents and not have the added stress of you two not being able to get along.I couldn't believe the difference in my children after the split up.They see their father as often as they like and it is going great!We still don't see eye to eye,but that will never chage.At least this way it is in your hands as far as how it ends up now.Alot of less stress on the child with cancer as well.You can focus more on them instead of the arguements ect...One more thing....sometimes it does help bring your love back.If you leave,he may realize what he is missing and may work hard to get that back and to stand by you instead of makeing matters worse.Reguardless which way it turns out,you are better off splitting up and not staying for the kids sake.Your not taking them away from him,just taking yourself away from the head aches.There is alot of help out there for children with cancer too.My sister had cancer at a young age and the medical bills piled up.Which maybe alot of the problems.Try working it out one more time...if all else fails...leave.Contact Shands Hospital if you are in Florida.They are great and will pay everything if you can't.They will even put you in a home so you are near the hospital ect...I wish you all the luck in the world!!!!

Answer 4

1. Parenting skills: can be addressed with counseling. Agreements can be made. Schedules can be abided by... contracts can be formed.
2. Money Disagreements: again.. counseling. Agreements can be made.. it's all in compromise and communication.
3. Lots of negative feelings: Hell yeah.. of course there would be... get rid of the problems, start communicating and making compromises and contracts and then you get rid of the negative feelings.
4. Child needs a lot of medical help: all the more reason to work things out. Your problems don't compare to your childs. Can't you both go to counseling and at the least say to yourselves: our tiny child is going through more than we could possibly even deal with... we can certainly get to a counselor and try to work this out.

believe me.. I went thru hell with many relationships.. counseling does work. I finally found that out. Do it.. you'll be suprised (and don't look for a miracle cure... don't judge each session... get insurance and make it a weekly thing for a while... it will work!... P.S... if your counselor isn't empathetic and understanding and doesn't understand BOTH of you then get a different one)... yes, it takes time and patience but you'd be surprised what you can work out.

Answer 5

None of these problems will be solved by getting a divorce unless you think the father will just fall off the face of the earth. That would solve the "don't agree on parenting skills" problem and maybe the "money" one--altho' if lack of money is the real problem, his death only helps if he's got lots of insurance. In fact, divorce will make all those problems worse for a long time before some MAY get better.

When a child is sick or, God forbid, dies, the stress on the couple is huge. 90% of those who lose a child will divorce because seeing each other just reminds them of the grief of loss.

Answer 6

NO! Never stay just for the kids or to keep a family together. You have to be happy within yourself, not trying to make other people happy ahead of yourself. That makes no sense, because then while your making other people happy, or staying so other people are happy, your miserable, or putting on a fake smile. Leaving when you don't want to be somewhere is the smartest desicion you can make. Kids will eventually understand. I did. My parents split when I was 8. At the time, I thought it was the end. I thought the world hated me because I wasn't going to have my parents together. Now, I am very grateful things went the way they did. IF you ever come to the point where you don't know what to do, pray to GOD. He will help. If you aren't religious and you don't believe in GOD. Pray anyway. You will see, he will answer your prayers.

Answer 7

I say yes. You will need counseling help I'm sure.. The kids are what are important here, not your own little disagreements. Especially the one that has cancer. That is probably one of the reasons you guys fight so much, it is a hugh pressure on both of you. The only reason to dissolve a marriage in my view is if one is abusive, either physically or mentally. Otherwise, you chose to have kids with this person, don't make the kids pay the price for your mistake.

Answer 8

Yes, if you and your spouse are able to come to an agreement with regards to the children's needs and not allow your differences to spill over to the children. This means that both the parents have to sacrifice their wants and needs for the sake of the children. A family can only be happy together if there is harmony, especially between the parents.
Of course if the couple continue to be dissatisfied with each other and bicker and show unhealthy relationship in front of their children, then the answer is "no". It would be worse, if the children are used by one or both to antagonise the other!
Is it worth the effort to keep the family together in such circumstances?

Answer 9

No, however tell her that you are not happy. Tell her that you would like some changes made. Why? My parents divorced when I was six. after the divorce was over I was very happy. I got my meals on time ,I went to bed on time. I received the attention I needed. Can you interrupt the arguments to make sure the kids are comfortable?Unfortunately I have had very difficult personal relationships. I did, nt want to get married because I did,nt know what my parents did to mess up their marriage. I needed what every child needs , to know how to find the right life mate. This was not talked about when I was growing up because of everybody s hurt feelings. This is just some PRO and CON . I hope it helps.

Answer 10

If there is any way that you can keep the kids supported and receiving medical care without staying married, you need to explore that possibility. While having two parents is a good thing, children are very aware and susceptible to emotional trauma from a stressful relationship. Even a quiet one, like my parents, who never fought, but merely "tolerated" the situation. All three of us children bear the emotional scars to this day.