hi i'm an 18 yr old girl. when i was 16, i had a brief affair with a guy of 23. he was the first man to touch me...the only guy i've made love with. but it was a very volatile relationship...nothing came out of it...moreover it was clandestine. i don't know why but whenever i think back about that time the strongest emotions take me over. last week my elder sister announced that she intents to get married and her fiance is none other than my ex. i really can't take it. i don't love him anymore...but the whole thing gets to me and i feel i'll make a very stupid mistake soon. our families have been close since a long time but no one ever knew about our affair. my ex seems very cool about the way things are shaping up but i'm dying every day. what do i do? i don't wanna wreck my sister's happiness. but my own self gets destroyed each time i see them together. what do i do? why do i feel like this when my affair is a thing of the past. please advise...i feel like killing myself.
2007-06-30 23:47:53 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is certainly a volatile situation: Not sure anyone could be dogmtic in advice; only offer options for you to consider in the total picture: First , it seems that the logical thing to do would be to talk to your ex and tell him that this will never work out for happiness to him, your sister, the whole family, and your acquaintances: That he should cancel his plans, and leave well enough alone and disengage from your family. If he does not you should confide with your sister and tell her the truth, and perhaps she will take the initiative: Certainly you have no reason to feel ill towards yourself. This is not your fault as far as how things worked out. Replace the guilt with resolve.
Good luck---Prayer for Gods guidance is a first start. You may cannot work it out, but He can, regardless of your religious background.
2007-06-30 23:55:55 · answer #1 · answered by glenn t 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh my...you poor girl..that's such a terrible thing to happen...dont blame urself because ur not the one who's at fault here...it's the guy because he shudn't have made a relationship with ur sister knowing that u two had a thing in the past. There are so many ladies out there & why pick ur sister? But anyhow, we cant really ask a person who to feel affection for...
I'm sure ur sister & the whole family wud be really shocked & upset if they happen to know the truth...So i suggest, ONLY tell ur sister & not the whole family! Say to her that you & her soon-to-be fiance had a secret relationship before. It was just a spontaneous short relation & that there's no feeling from you now. And ur telling it not because u intend to ruin their relationship but because she has the right to know before she marry this guy.
With that, at least u wont be guilty of what happened in the past cos u didn't hold back what ur sister needed to know... And after that, it's ur sister's decision if she's gonna pursue the marriage...
2007-07-01 01:40:14 · answer #2 · answered by muzikfhem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
16 is a very vunerable age especially to have a an affair w/a 23 yr old where was this guys head at. First OF ALL UR NOT OVER HIM CAUSE IF U WERE u wouldn't be reacting this way.Second this is not about u its about your sisters happiness
I think if u kept it a secret for this long it should stay that way "a secret".I think that u should let them have their happiness and get over it, it sounds like you're having a pride problem w/ur sis
Im not sure I understand was he going out w/your sis when u were fooling around w/him, how long were they going out? I wouldn't get all worked up about this guy he sounds like he's a looser which Im sure your sis will find out early on in the marriage as to just how much of a looser he really is when he fools around on her w/ someone else. find somebody else your age to get your mind off of them, stay out when they come over, just grin and bare it cause if u don't there will be a whole lot of other things that will surface that you'll need to deal with that u might not be ready or willing to do jus yet.
2007-07-01 00:13:32 · answer #3 · answered by P D 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to ask yourself if you have those feelings for any of the following reasons:
1) The relationship you had with the guy was secretive and/or shameful to you while your sister's relationship with him is out in the open and accepted by your family
2) Their relationship appears to be successful to the point of a pending marriage while yours ended/failed before anyone knew about it
3) You might be jealous of your sister
4) You may be ashamed of your previous relationship
5) You have not found a meaningful loving relationship
Also, he knows of the relationship so some one does know. If he is a man, then, he would have told your sister about it. If you plan to tell her, then, tell her before she marries him or keep it to yourself forever. This is not something you want to spring on her after they have been married and have two kids.
My advise is to tell her soon and get the guilt off your shoulders. She may think twice about marrying the guy you lost your virginity to at 16yrs old. She may be angry at you and accuse you of sabotage. But, a true sister will eventually forgive you. Again, the guy knew he had slept with you when he started dating your sister, so, you should not feel responsible for what happens. It will be her choice and you should support her decision. You are still very young. Better men will come along and the memories of the first love fades quickly. I wish you the best.
2007-07-01 00:10:01 · answer #4 · answered by annaDDarko 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dont do anything foolish its not worth the trouble there is a wonderful young man just waiting to meet you so get out there and meet him ~~
2007-06-30 23:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by burning brightly 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are jealous. You say you are over him, but you can't accept the fact that he's moved on with your sister.
Let it go. Your sister is happy. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It has nothing to do with you, it is about your sister and her fiance.
2007-06-30 23:58:48 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't be so hard on yourself. Let it slip, but forget nothing, I advise writing everything down that you remember. Physical traits included. Bad breath. etc. Get it all down. Once done, go get it typed up, out of town, then mail it to your sister. Delete all references to yourself, and when he complains to her that those things happened with you, deny deny, deny, and tell her, 'if he'll do that to me, what do you think he'll do to you', and plead ignorance of his rotten self.
2007-06-30 23:58:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
please do so...if you hate youre family and ure ex and ureself coz its not WORTH IT .
2007-06-30 23:51:18 · answer #8 · answered by Farrera♥Dopre 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋