Please can anyone give me their advice on having a child. Does anybody regret it and do you think it cause damage to your marriage. Even though you love them now, if you could have turned back time and not had a child, would you choose to do so. I would greatly appreciate honest opinion. Thanks You
2007-06-30 21:20:41 · 27 answers · asked by KT 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The best advice I can give you is WAIT if you are in any way unsure about having a child. If I could turn back, I would have waited a few more years only because of the absolute life changing implications. If your marriage isnt 100 percent solid right now, then having a baby can add a lot of stress and pressure, but if you love eachother and you are both ready to basically give up everything to tend to this child around the clock then you should be fine. Good Luck and make sure you put a lot of thought into this...your life will never be the same. Even though my daughter is the best thing in the world, its the hardest job I HAVE EVER HAD!
2007-06-30 21:25:30 · answer #1 · answered by helicopterjen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I just read all nine responses and there was a lot of good info. However, what each person displays is their own life! I am happily married for 10 yrs. I had a 2 yr old son when I met my husband. We were married almost 2 yrs later in Sept and by Feb my husband adopted my son. It is the only father he has ever known! We later had a daughter. Now Our son will be 14 in Dec and our daughter will be 8 in 3 weeks! I wanted more but #1 my husband is 8 yrs older than I and #2 going through the whole teething thing again gave me the heebee geebees!! Is it going to change your life?? Yes!! But it is and will be what you make of it! If you have a child and give it love and care, the baby will compliment that. If you have the baby and do not give it love and affection it will eventually show that too! This is a decision you and your husband need to make. I know a lot ( I mean alot) of people, happily married, divorced, single parent from the start, Heck I even know a lesbian couple in which the wife was happily married and had 3 kids..I have to say that not one , NOT ONE, has ever regretted having their children. The father yes Haha But never their children! Children are a gift from GOD! I love my kids with all my heart. If We were younger I would definitely have more. I babysit now. One of my parents just had another baby ( I cared for their daughter since she was 6 mos old and is starting kindergarten in the fall Boo hoo) and the parents have asked my husband and I to be his godparents! I get to have another baby ...But give it back...That is even nicer, I cannot wait to be a grandmother- at the appropriate time of course!! Listen you only have one day at a time and you can not get any one of them back. You will know when the right time is..Oh and 1 more thing, if you live week to week paying bills ( like most of us parents) don't wait till you can afford it..It will never happen! You will have a baby shower, and you have ten months to plan!! and to buy diapers.. and to buy whatever you want your baby to have!!!! If you want a baby than have it, if you are having some serious doubts?? If you are just afraid because of what people are telling you..don't listen to them..it is truely a wonderful part of most peoples lives!! Good luck, Kris R
2007-07-01 06:05:41 · answer #2 · answered by preichwein 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Steph, I have a son who is now 25 years old, I've blessed every day that I spent with him, from his first step to his first word. Every day the child has something new and every day I have cherished seeing him growing. Having a child did not affect the relationship between my wife and I, in fact it enhanced the love we already had. Unfortunately his mother died when he was very young and I continued to bring him up on my own, juggling work, school and other activities and of course helping with the home work, I think most of the time he was teaching me!!. Although I found things difficult I would never want to go back in time and not had my son, he is an inspiration to me, at the age of 25 he is a director or an electrical firm, now if that doesn't make a parent proud nothing will. Thank you for asking a very interesting question.
Best of luck...David
2007-07-01 06:15:31 · answer #3 · answered by David Wilson 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you want children you know and don't deliberate. I don't have any. I don't want any either. Not that I am heartless, just that I come from a large family and have lots of neices and nephews that I can spoil. I think that there are far too many children in this world without parents or who have a bad life.
I didn't have a great childhood and swore that if I ever had kids they wouldn't suffer like I did. Now I just don't think that I could ever give a child all it deserves (not in a material way). But I also like my life the way it is, maybe that is selfish.
None of my family regrets having their kids, two of my sisters were very young and both say maybe they wish they had waited, but both of them say they would not be without their kids now. And all of the kids in my family are lovely, have a big extended family that makes time to see them so they are having a wonderful time.
2007-07-01 04:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by Jojotraveller 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had three children, the first wasn't planned. They are now grown up but it has been very very hard work and if i could turn back the clock i would still have them. They are the most precious thing in my life as is my granddaughter. However there are many things to be considered today- does it feel right? Do you feel you can cope? Can you afford to give up work? Will you need to shuffle them off to day nursery to pursue your career? I know many mothers do juggle careers and kids but its not really idea- but once your kids come along sometimes you have no choice. You need to think about carefully- maybe you are young enough to put it off for a couple more years? If you do have them its a life time of work- even when they grow up and leave home- you are still a parent and you still worry and they still turn to you- can you hack it is the big question?
2007-07-01 07:26:20 · answer #5 · answered by Ellie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had 6 children and if I had to do it over again, I would have 6 children! They are a blessing to this day. It hasn't been easy and far from perfect but I have never ever regretted having them. Plus I homeschooled to boot! I feel that they were given to me and it was my obligation to get them ready for the world.
Children are a physical form of the love you have with your spouse. They are not to be had to fix a bad marriage nor to keep a spouse ie trap a spouse. They are not to be used for any reason other than to love them and raise them so they can leave and live their own lives. We, as parents, need to remember that they are not ours but belong to whomever they marry. They are temporary in our homes (not lives though). I can go on and on but I am sure you get the idea.
If your marriage is not going well at the moment, then you should postpone having them til you are both in agreement. They are such a big responsibility! But SOOOOO worth it. They will not ruin your marriage only enhance it. Oh and for those that say that children ruin it...they ruin their own marriage and need a scapegoat to blame for their problems. I can almost guarantee 100% that most all divorced parents have never told their children that they were the blame for the divorce. It takes two to make it and two to break it.
2007-07-01 04:47:30 · answer #6 · answered by califdreamer_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I waited until I was 41 to have a child. I regret not having a child sooner. I can't imagine my life without him now. Do you like children? If you like children, then you will be amazed at what a miracle life becomes. I still look at my son in amazement. It is not all easy. I divorced his father when our son was only 1. It can be very stressful and I worry about the future. But I am never alone and I am never without purpose. My life is more focused than ever. I feel empowered because I do it all by myself. I don't get child support and I take pride in my mothering skills. Its the most important job out there. Don't sign up for motherhood without "wanting" a child.
2007-07-01 04:30:04 · answer #7 · answered by econgal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are a gift of love for the parents. Of course a couples life will change, but if a couple would say they wouldn't have children if they could turn back time, then these people are not worthy parents. If you are concerned you might regret having kids, then don't. Couples should want the child they created.
2007-07-01 04:34:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No regrets at all on having a child. I was 28 when I got married, and had a child at 30. Of course it didn't 'damage' our marriage - just the OPPOSITE! Having a family has enhanced it, and deepened our love! Couldn't imagine not having a child, though we were very lucky because of medical reasons that we do have the one!
2007-07-01 06:54:01 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
children can make or break a marriage some men feel that they are shut out because the mum has not the same time for them anymore she just becomes a mum and having a child is 24/7 but having said all this once you are a parent any doubts should go away and it is the most wonderful love you may ever feel
2007-07-01 05:10:52 · answer #10 · answered by Andrea B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋