I want to move out,how do I tell my over protective mother?

Question

I am 21 years old and will be 22 very soon.I am in college right now and also working full time.I have the money to move out and have had it for over a year.
My fiance and I have been trying to move into an aparment of our own for about a year now.So far it has not happened because I am afraid of what my mother will say.She does not like him very much,but still has respect for him.I dont get it either so dont ask.Anyways,She is very overprotective of me.She has always been this way and I never see it changing.I have a curfew of 11pm.I cant go out with friends because I have to be home so early.And I only get to see my fiance but once a week because of this as well.My mom pitches a fit everytime I want to do something with my friends and its not with her.

I have to move out next month,but I want to tell her instead of just leaving without so much more than just "i moved out.see ya bye."I don’t want to hurt her feelings,but I have to get out.

Answer 1

Before you move out, just make sure that you can support yourself in case your boyfriend bails on you.

Answer 2

It sort of sounds like you really don't want to move, just don't like all the restrictions at home. As for your Mother's reaction,
you are 21 - an adult, a free moral agent.

If you are sure you want to move, a better decision could be to be on your own, or with a girlfriend. Either way, you would not have the restrictions your Mother imposes and could be your own person.

Don't just move without telling your Mom - unless you think she will be standing over you "ranting.":o) If so, move while she is away, then call her and tell her how much you love her.
Try to get her to understand and don't hurt her feelings.

Answer 3

Tell her that she has done her job very well. She has helped you be strong and capable and you are ready to leave the nest because of the hard work she has done in raising you.

Leave your fiance out of the equation for now. It will just upset her. Focus on your own independence and ability to make good decisions. She will mourn your lost like all of us who have grown children do, but in her heart she has been preparing for this since you were an infant. She knows that it is the thing all children must do and all parents must accept.

Let her know that you just want to try this. If it doesn't work out, you will come home again. Then she won't worry quite as much.

Good luck in your future!

Answer 4

This one has just happened with the middle boy in my family. He's 20, and has just moved out to live with his 18 year old girflriend, who treats him very badly.

Unfortunately though he won't let anyone even mention her name without an argument.

So, I can sort of see where you're coming from. The best you can do in this case is sit down with your mum and talk to her. Let her know that you love her very much, but that you've outgrown your space at home.

The problem is, you're an adult now. You're turning 22 very soon, and your mother can't actually do anything to stop you moving out. Although, from what I gather you'd rather move away with her blessing. Whether you are planning on moving out or not, you'd certainly have had to sit your mum down for a chat about the arrangements you can or can't make with friends.

It would certainly seem her worries aren't only rooted in your having a boyfriend she's not keen on-its the fear of your growing up and leaving her alone.

She'll probably need reassurance from you that you'll not forget about her once you leave home. Just ask her for her blessing, reassure her that you'll still visit her through the week (and/or at weekends) and that you'll still spend time with her-you'll just not be going to bed there any more.

Talk to her about what to do if it goes wrong between you and your boyfriend-will you still have a room at home with her if you need it in the future? Tell her you love her, but this is just the next step in your life and you'd like it if she could be there to help you get through it with love and support.

That's what my mother did with my younger brother and its working out ok with him and her now. He moved out two weeks ago.

Answer 5

You sound like a fairly intelligent young woman who loves her mom. You are in College learning and growing. Probably getting new ideas each day.
I am not your mom, nor do I love you and know you like her. But just as a fellow person, my very humble opinion is, why be engaged at 21. That is so, so, young nowadays. If you marry at 25 you can look forward to being with him 50 or more years. I suggest you give yourself time to grow and mature. Move out, but by yourself or with some girlfriends. Date lots of men. Be independent. Than let some lucky guy be your partner.

Answer 6

I smell major guilt trip. I don't think that there's an easy way to tell her. She's really very controlling according to what you wrote. You probably don't see it as much as we do because your living it and used to it.

I can hear it now. "As long as your living under my roof, your going to do as I say."

That's all the more reason to move out. Tell her that's fine for when you are living under her roof but now that your older and no longer want to do as she says, your getting your own roof.

"Mom, you've see a lot of things change over the years, haven't you? People have kids. The kids grow up quickly. They get married and have kids. Divorces. Deaths. Illnesses. Nothing stays the same. Something else is changing. I'm changing. I'm getting older and want more independance. I no longer believe I should have rules set for me by someone else. I am now an adult. You would not tolerate another adult coming in and running your life for you and now my tolerance of the very same thing has come to an end. So as to not show disrespect for the rules you have set for me while under your roof, I have obtained my own roof. You can come and visit but you must abide by my rules while under my roof. Fair? It's what you taught me as to how things should be. Under my roof, I make the rules to rule others by. Right? Isn't that what you've taught? Well, it's what I've learned."

Good Luck
.

Answer 7

For God sakes your an adult.....that means make your own choices. She by the way is treating you like a child.......I know it's her home and her rules but 11pm curfew...give me a break! Just tell her your moving out and when and if she starts to throw a fit do it sooner! She needs to cut the apron strings. You mention a fiance....how does he feel about only being able to see you once a week? It's time to get out girl, excuse me...I mean lady.

Answer 8

Well, best thing you can do is sit down with her and outline your plans for your move and future. Don't ask her... you are a grown-up. Just tell her that you love her a lot and wanted to tell her this although you understand that she would get upset. Handle it like an adult. Also, do move out if that is what you want. You are 22... she will have to let go of the strings one day...

Answer 9

Moving out is one thing; moving in with the fiance is another. She'll feel worse about the second.

Do you know that people who live together are more likely to get divorced than people who don't? Maybe she knows this and wants to protect you from something you probably didn't know--and probably still don't believe even tho' I've never lied to you.

Give her a few week's notice and then start moving stuff out.

Answer 10

I believe she will be less upset if you tell her a white lie: That you're moving out with a girl friend (preferably from work), as opposed to moving with your boyfriend. You simply agree on the same story with a friend from work or school, who knows your mom, so you keep that story for maybe two weeks or one month. Then, when she's used to your not living at your parents' anymore, you could tell her your girl friend left and your boyfriend is living with you now.

But you have to tell her the real reasons of your moving out, which are in short: You're not a kid anymore, the 11 pm curfew is ridiculous for an adult who needs to socialize with people at work, or simply to work or study late with work mates and/or schoolmates, etc. She shouldn't be upset about that at all, on the contrary, I think she will appreciate your matureness to tell her your needs as an adult. I believe The REAL PROBLEM OF YOUR MOVING OUT regarding your mom, is your living with your boyfriend out of wedlock. So, as long as your mom doesn't realize what is really going on, I'm sure she will not be very upset, only a little sad for your moving out.

Just a little piece of advice, based on my own personal experience. Good luck!

Answer 11

your mom is afraid of the emptynest syndrome. You need to be honest with her and tell her your moving out. Do not fall for the guilt trips or the lies your mother may tell you . She is only doing that cause she is afraid of losing you . You need to cut the string with your mom or you will be living with her for the rest of your life. I moved out when i was 18. My mother didnt want me to go but it was the right thing to do. Im closer now tih my mother then i have ever been. She realizes im ok to make my own decisions and tha tim doing fine. You rmother is just worried and all mothers do this. Just be up front with her and do what you jave to do. There is no easy way to stand up and say im moving. You jsut have to di it. Gl